<s>CMV: People who cheat on their spouses can and should, in some cases, be forgiven
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[USER0]
[(0, '[USER0]')]
[NEWLINE] There seems to be a commonly held belief that people who cheat on their SO/partner should be dropped immediately with no further contact. 
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[NEWLINE] I understand that physical/sexual conduct with another person can seem like a betrayal, but in some cases, there are many worse things that can happen in a relationship, which couples seem to be able to work through. 
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[NEWLINE] There are a few assumptions underlying the belief that " sex with another person = relationship over " that I don't think hold up. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] *  * * Sex is the most important part of a relationship, * * and therefore, betraying it and that agreement mean the relationship should end. 
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[NEWLINE] My belief : sex is a very important part of a relationship, but not * the * most important part. 
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[NEWLINE] Immediately breaking up with someone because of something like this seems excessive.
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] *  * * Nobody makes mistakes ever, * * so when they do, the relationship should end. 
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[NEWLINE] My belief : obviously this isn't true, and a cornerstone of strong relationships is the ability to work through mistakes/issues together. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] *  * * Cheaters will always cheat again, * * so better to end it now. my view : That may be true in some cases, but other than anecdotal evidence, I haven't seen anything to support this claim.  [
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[NEWLINE] But would be really interested in reading anything scientific about this, actually! ]
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] *  * * Cheaters cheat because of underlying issues with the relationship. * * My belief : if that's true, there are a lot of possibilities - not just breaking up - that could fix the problem, such as... talking about the problem. 
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[NEWLINE] Maybe fixing that issue will resolve the motivation to cheat. 
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[NEWLINE] Caveat : sometimes, cheating happens because there are parts of the relationship that are fundamentally broken and/or the relationship is too far gone/unsalvageable and/or this is the straw the broke the camel's back etc. 
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[NEWLINE]  Cheating shouldn't always signify an immediate end to a relationship. 
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[NEWLINE]  In some cases, couples can and should choose to work through it.
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[NEWLINE] CMV!
[(0, '[NEWLINE]'), (1, 'CM'), (2, 'V'), (3, 'Ġ!')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[USER1]
[(0, '[USER1]')]
[NEWLINE] I'l begin by saying it has never happened to me, andyou make some good points. 
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[NEWLINE] But I'm addicted to CMV, so here we go.
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[STARTQ] sex is a very important part of a relationship, but not the most important part.
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[ENDQ]
[(0, '[ENDQ]')]
[NEWLINE] So it is one of the most important parts.
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[NEWLINE] To break it would be to break one of the most important parts of a marriage.
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[NEWLINE] I'll continue.
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] * edit : even if you value it not at all, cheating breaks other important parts of the relationship. 
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[NEWLINE] Like trust. 
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[NEWLINE] Loyalty. 
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[NEWLINE] Companionship. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[STARTQ] Nobody makes mistakes ever, so when they do, the relationship should end.
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[ENDQ]
[(0, '[ENDQ]')]
[NEWLINE] You are correct that this is false. 
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[NEWLINE] However, cheating on a spouse is * pretty big mistake *. 
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[NEWLINE] Cheating, as I define it, is a choice. 
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[NEWLINE] A bad choice which breaks one of the cornerstones of marriage. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[STARTQ] Cheaters will always cheat again
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[ENDQ]
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[NEWLINE] You are correct that this is false. 
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[NEWLINE] However, I would say that * cheaters are more likely to cheat again *. The circumstances that resulted in cheating the first time may repeat. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[STARTQ] Cheaters cheat because of underlying issues with the relationship. My belief : if that's true, there are a lot of possibilities - not just breaking up - that could fix the problem, such as... talking about the problem.
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[ENDQ]
[(0, '[ENDQ]')]
[NEWLINE] Yes. 
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[NEWLINE] But " talking about the problem " is an ideal situation. 
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[NEWLINE] It often doesn't work out so well that way. 
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[NEWLINE] People get stuck in a pattern... living in the same house, married to the same person you stopped really caring about. 
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[NEWLINE] Cheating is evidence that * something * must be wrong. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] So, so far we can say cheating
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] * is a bad choice which breaks one of the cornerstones of a relationship
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] * is an indication that such a thing will happen again
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] * is an indication that there is a problem with the relationship
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[NEWLINE] Are there no situations in which the cheaters should be forgiven? I'm trying to argue that if you find your spouse cheating, breaking up with them is the most logical thing to do, whatever the circumstances. 
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[NEWLINE] I point out, cheating has a profound negative emotional effect of the person cheated on. 
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[NEWLINE] You have every reason to break up.
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] In my mind, marriage is a commitment. 
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[NEWLINE] If you break that commitment, the marriage is broken. 
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[NEWLINE] One partner isn't fulfilling all of his/her obligations ( i. e. not to cheat ) So why should the other person be obligated to fill out his/hers? 
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[NEWLINE] Why should you stay married? 
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[NEWLINE] It is entirely up to the person making the decision as to what they may do. 
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[NEWLINE] It's an ethical question, and everyone has their different values, so it's impossible to prove definitively what you should/should not do. 
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[NEWLINE] It's just a logical conclusion that breaking up is the right choice in most if not all situations. 
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[NEWLINE] It's a choice. 
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[NEWLINE] But if you don't break up, you are stuck with a person who doesn't value you enough to stay loyal. 
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[NEWLINE] Why would you forfeit yourself to such a relationship? 
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[NEWLINE] Things need change. 
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[NEWLINE]  And the cheater is the source of the problem. 
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[NEWLINE]  Change the cheater by breaking up with him/her. 
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[USER0]
[(0, '[USER0]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE] [DELTA]
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[STARTQ] marriage is a commitment. If you break that commitment, the marriage is broken.
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[ENDQ]
[(0, '[ENDQ]')]
[NEWLINE] This is the best argument I've heard so far.
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[NEWLINE] Thanks!
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[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
[NEWLINE]
[(0, '[NEWLINE]')]
</s>
[(0, '</s>')]
