          EXT - LA LOUISIANE (TAVERN) - NIGHT
          We see a small basement tavern, with a old rustic sign out
          front that reads, "La Louisiane".

          A SUBTITLE APPEARS:
          "The Village of

          NADINE, FRANCE"
          TWO SHOT LT.HICOX and LT.ALDO RAINE
          Aldo is dressed like a French civilian. Hicox is dressed in a
          German grey S.S. Cap't uniform. They look out of a window, in a
          apartment, in the village of Nadine, overlooking the tavern.

          LT.ALDO
          You didn't say the goddamn rendez-vous
          was in a fuckin basement.

          LT.HICOX
          I didn't know.

          LT.ALDO
          You said it was in a tavern?

          LT.HICOX
          it is a tavern.

          

          

          

          

          LT.ALDO
          Yeah, in a basement. You know,
          fightin in a basement offers a lot
          of difficulties, number one being,
          your fighting in a basement.
          Wilhelm Wicki, joins the SHOT, dressed in a German S.S.
          Lieutenant uniform.

          WICKI
          What if we go in there, and she's
          not even there?

          LT.HICOX
          We wait. Don't worry, she's a British
          spy, she'll make the rendez-vous.
          WE SEE the other Basterds, dressed in French civilian clothes,
          are in the room as well, they are, Donowitz, Hirschberg,
          and Utivich. And in the back of the room, dressed in the grey
          uniform of a S.S. Lieutenant, Hugo Stiglitz sits off by himself,
          sharpening his S.S. DAGGER on his leather belt looped around his
          boot. Anybody not in the scene from the Basterds opening
          chapter, is dead.
          Lt.Hicox watches Stiglitz off by himself on the other side of
          the room, SHARPENS his dagger menacingly.
          .Stiglitz is fucking werid...
          Lt.Hicox approaches Stiglitz...

          LT.NICOX
          Stiglitz, right?

          STIGLITZ
          That's right, sir.
          He continues bringing the blades edge, up, then, down on the
          leather strap.

          LT.HICOX
          I hear your pretty good with that?
          Meaning the blade. Stiglitz doesn't answer.

          LT.HICOX
          You know, we're not looking for
          trouble, right now. We're simply
          making contact with our agent.
          Should be uneventful. However, on
          the off chance I'm wrong, and things
          prove eventful. I need to know, we can
          all remain calm.

          

          

          

          

          99.
          The renegade Gerry Sergeant, stops his blades progress, and
          looks up at the limy Lieutenant.

          STIGLITZ
          I don't look calm to you?

          LT.HICOX
          Well, now you put it like that,
          I guess you do.
          He turns his attention back to his blade.
          Hicox moves over to Aldo, and asks him privately;

          LT. HI COX
          This Gerry of yours, Stiglitz?
          Not exactly the loquacious type,
          is he?
          Aldo just looks at him.

          LT.ALDO
          Is that the kinds man you need, the
          loquacious type?

          LT.HICOX
          Fair point, Lieutenant.

          LT.ALDO
          So y'all git in trouble in there,
          what are we suppose to do?
          Make bets on how it all comes out?

          LT.HICOX
          If we get into trouble, we can
          handle it. But if trouble does
          happen, we need you to make damn
          sure no Germans, or French, for
          matter, escape from that basement.
          If Frau Von Hammersmark's cover is
          compromised, the mission is kaput.

          SGT.DONOWITZ
          Speaking of Frau Von Hammersmark,
          who's idea was it for the death trap
          redez-vous?

          LT.HICOX
          She chose the spot.

          SGT.DONOWITZ
          Well isn't that just dandy?

          

          

          

          

          LT.HICOX
          Look, she's not a military strategist.
          She's just a actress.

          LT.ALDO
          Ya don't got to be Stonewall
          Jackson to know you don't want to
          fight in a basement.

          LT.HICOX
          She wasn't picking a place to fight.
          She was picking a place, isolated,
          and without germans.

          PFC.HIRSCHBERG
          Lieutenant, I hate to be contrary,
          but I got me a Nazi pissin on
          Louisianna two-o'clock.
          They move to the window, and sure enough, ONE LONE NAZI
          PRIVATE, relieves himself against the side wall.
          Lt.Bicox, this was definitely, not the plan.

          LT.HICOX
          Shit.
          Sgt.Donowitz chides him;

          SGT.DONOWITZ
          So what do you think your fraulein
          Von Hammer -

          LT.HICOX
          - Obviously, I don't know,Sgt.
          The British officer watches the German soldier, who's not
          suppose to be there. When Hugo Stiglitz joins him at the
          window. Stiglitz looks down at the urinating Nazi, S.S. dagger
          in hand.

          STIGLITZ
          If we're going, let's go.
          He sheaths the dagger.

          EXT - LA LOUISIANE (BASEMENT TAVERN) - NIGHT
          The GERMAN PISSING PRIVATE, sloppily finishes his task.
          Craming his noodle back in his pants, he descends the stairs
          that lead him back into the basement tavern. We Follow him...

          

          

          

          INT - LA LOUISIANE (BASEMENT TAVERN)- NIGHT
          .Inside the basement tavern, La Louisiane. it has a very low
          hanging basement ceiling. A old looking wood bar off to the
          right. And the only other space in the little tavern, is taken
          up by two large(at least in here) tables, which take up both
          half's of the room. And despite rumors to the contrary, one of
          the two tables, is completely filled with drunken celebrating
          Nazi enlisted men, of which our urinating friend is one of
          five.

          FIVE NAZI'S
          ONE GERMAN MASTER SGT, ONE FEMALE GERMAN SGT (a powerfully built
          stocky type), and THREE MALE GERMAN PRIVATES.
          The Five Nazi's are sitting around the table, drinking, and
          playing a very fun game with none other then the fraulein of
          the hour, UFA diva, BRIDGET VON HAMMERSMARK. Dressed to the
          nines in a chic Forties style women's suit, complete with
          fedora. The game their playing consists of each player having
          a card with the name of a famous person, real or imaginary,
          stuck to their forehead. The player doesn't know what name is
          on their forehead. So they ask the others questions to figure
          out who they are.
           The Five Germans, five cards read; MASTER SGT #1(POLA NEGRI),

          FEMALE SGT #2(BEETHOVEN), GERMAN PRIVATE #3(MATA HARI),

          GERMAN PRIVATE #4 (EDGAR WALLACE), GERMAN PRIVATE #5
           (WINNETOU). And Bridget Von Hammersmark, who wears her card in
          the brim of her fedora, has GENGHIS KHAN.
          It's German#5 (WINNETOU) turn to ask questions.
           The DIALOGUE will be in GERMAN, and SUBTITLED into ENGLISH.
          Also, while some dialogue will be written for the German
          Soldiers, it will be mostly made up from the exuberance
          of their game playing, and celebrating.

          WINNETOU
          .okay, I'm not German. Am I American?
          The whole table bursts out laughing.

          FEMALE SGT/BEETHOVEN
          Yes you arel

          EDGAR WALLACE
          Well, not really.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          What do you mean, not really? Of
          course he is.

          

          

          

          

          91

          EDGAR WALLACE
          Well if he's so American, how come
          he's never been translated into
          English? He's not American. He's
          suppose to be American, but he's not
          a American creation. In fact, he's
          something very different.

          WINNETOU
          Okay, I'm a fictional, literary
          character, from the past, I'm American,
          and that's controversial.

          BRIDGET/GENGUS
          No it's not controversial. The nationally
          of the author, has nothing to do with
          the nationally of the character.
          The Character is the character.
          Hamlet's not British, he's Danish.
          So yes, this character was born in
          America.

          WINNETOU
          Well I'm glad that's settled. If I had
          a wife, would she be called a squaw?
          He's got it.
          The table Laughs.
          The TABLE

          YES!

          WINNETOU
          Is my bloodbrother, Old Shatterhand?
          The TABLE
          Yes!

          WINNETOU
          Did Karl May write me?
          The TABLE
          Yes!
          In the BACKGROUND, WE SEE, our three counterfeit German
          Officers, Hicox, Wicki, and Stiglitz, enter the basement
          tavern. They obviously. see the five German soldiers, but their
          too far away for us (the audience) to read their face. No
          doubt their less then happy. Fraulein Von Hammersmark
          see's them as well. Without getting up, she waves to them.

          

          

          

          

          QZ

          BRIDGET
          Hello, my lovelies, I will join you
          in moments. I'm finishing up a game
          with my five new friends here.

          LT.HICOX
          No hurry, Frau Von Hammersmark.
          Take your time, enjoy yourself.

          BRIDGET
          (To Winnetou)
          So who are you?

          WINNETOU
          I am WINNETOU, CHIEF of the APACHES!
          The table CHEERS, and APPLAUD the Apache Chief, as he takes
          the card off his forehead.
          The other Four German Soldiers drink down there beer(part of
          the game).
          Bridget Von Hammersmark knock backs her champagne.

          MATA HARI
          Frau Von Hammersmark, when your
          friends came in, did you realize
          you did a double take, like in the
          movies?

          BRIDGET
          Really? No, I wasn't aware of that
          at all.

          MATA HARI
          They must be second nature to you now?
          Did they teach you how to do a double
          take in the movies?

          BRIDGET
          Well, yes they did, but it's not really
          that difficult.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Do one for us.
          The Tableheartily agrees.
          Bridget looks directly at the Master Sgt, and does a perfect,
          and perfectly funny, Double Take.
          The Table loves it.

          

          

          

          
          q3.

          MATA HARI
          My turn, I want to try.
          Mata Hari, looks directly at Beethoven, and does a Double
          Take.

          EDGER WALLACE
          I want to try.
          He does.
          Soon the whole Table is doing dueling Double Takes.

          HICOX - WICKI - STIGLITZ
          watch the table do dueling Double Takes. Obviously, they don't
          understand.

          THEN...
          .Bridget Von Hammersmark rises, and excuses herself from the
          Table. She removes the card stuck in her fedora, looking at
          the name Gengus Khaun for the first time.

          BRIDGET
          Gengus Khaun! I would never of gotten that.
          She walks over, and joins the masquerading Germans table, the
          Gentlemen rise. She greets each warmly with a french cheek
          kiss, as if she knows them well.
          They all take a seat. The two Basterds, and one Brit, drink
          Whiskey. The taverns PROPRIETOR, a older, big bellyed
          Frenchman named EARL, comes over to the table, and pours more
          champagne into Bridget's Champagne glass. He leaves, returning
          back behind the bar, with the YOUNG FRENCH BARMAID, the only other
          person in the establishment.
          Obviously, they speak GERMAN, SUBTITLED into ENGLISH;

          LT.HICOX
          I thought this place was suppose to
          have more French then Germans?

          BRIDGET
          Normally that's true. The Sgt over
          there's wife, just had a baby. His
          commanding officer gave him, and his
          mates the night off to celebrate.

          WICXI
          We should leave.

          

          

          

          

          BRIDGET
          F No, we should stay. For one drink at
          least. I've been waiting for you in a
          bar, it would look strange if we left
          before we had a drink.

          LT.HICOX
          She's right, just be calm, and enjoy
          your booze.

          BACK TO THE GERMAN TABLE
          The French Barmaid, has taken Bridget's place in the rousing,
          rowdy game. She tells them, her person must be French, or she
          won't know them. Winnetou thinks for a moment, then writes a
          name on a card. The Barmaid puts it on her forehead, It says;

          NAPOLEON.
          The Germans all laugh.

          BACK TO THE BASTERDS TABLE

          BRIDGET
          There's been some new developments.
          The cinema venue has changed.

          LT.HICOX
          Why?

          BRIDGET
          No one knows. But that in itself
          shouldn't be a problem. The cinema
          it's been changed to is considerably
          smaller then The Ritz. So whatever
          materials you brought for The Ritz,
          should be doubly effective here.
          Now this next piece of information
          is colossal, try not to over react.
          The Fubrer, will be attending tomorrow.
          Hugo Stiglitz does a SPIT TAKE.
          Bridget's eyes bore holes in him.

          BACK TO THE REAL GERMANS
          They see Hugo do the spit take, and burst out laughing.
          Keeping it up, they begin to do dueling spit takes, like they
          did dueling double takes earlier. Needless to say, they all
          get wet.

          

          

          

          

          9

          BACK TO BASTERDS

          BRIDGET
          (To Hicox)
          You'll be going as Ernst Schuller.
          You'll say your a associate producer
          on Riefenstahl's "Tiefland". It's the
          one German production not under Goebbels
          control, and Leni wouldn't be caught dead
          at a Goebbels film affair.

          BACK TO REAL GERMAN TABLE
          Master Sgt.Pola Negri, drinks his beer, as he looks over,
          dreamily, at Bridget Von Hammersmark at the other table.

          BACK TO BASTERDS
          We See in Bridget continues to brief Hicox on his identity.
          the B.G., the German Master Sgt stand up from his table, and
          head toward Fraulein Von Bammersmark.

          BRIDGET
          .the films gone through many delays,
          and Leni's heath is deteriorating, so
          if you have to speak...
          Hicox, seeing the German Master Sgt approach, signals for her
          to cool it.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Frau Von Hammersmark, I was just
          thinking, could you sign a autograph
          to my son on his birthday?

          BRIDGET
          I'd love to Wilhelm.
          (To the Table)
          This handsome happy Sgt, just became
          a father today.
          The Pretend Officers offer congratulations to the Sgt.
          The German Master Sgt, CLICKS his heels, and bows before his
          superior officers.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Thank you, heil Hitler.
          He raises his hand .... as do the seated phony officers; "Heil
          Hitler".
          As she takes a rather fancy fountain pen from her clutch..

          BRIDGET
          So Wilhelm, do you know the name of
          this progeny yet?

          

          

          

          

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          I most certainly do, fraulein. His
          name is Maximilian.
          Even the slightly psychotic Stiglitz, likes this German Sgt.

          STIGLITZ
          Wonderful name, Sgt.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Thank you, Lieutenant. When he's old
          enough to ride a bicycle, I will buy
          him a blue one. And I will paint on
          the side "The Blue Max".
          He thrusts out his beer stein, for the officers to cheers.
          They do.
          Bridget finishes signing her autograph, with a big flourish.

          BRIDGET
          There you go. But wait, I'm not finished yet.
          She reaches into her clutch, and pulls out some lipstick.
          Applies some ruby red color to her lips, and then kisses the
          napkin, leaving a big red lip print. Then hands the treasured
          item to the young father.

          BRIDGET
          Nothing but the best for little Maximilian.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Thank you fraulein, thank you. Max may
          not know who you are now. But he will.
          I will show him all of your movies.
          He will grow up with your films,
          and this napkin on his wall.
          Then, to the whole tavern...

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          I purpose a toast to the greatest actress
          in Germany! There is no Dietrich, there is
          no Riefenstahl, only Von Hammersmark!
          The whole room toasts.
          This would be a good time for the German Sgt to go back to his
          table, and his men. And he almost does.... but... since he is
          drunk, and star struck, he out wears his welcome.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          So, Frau Von Hammersmark, what brings
          you to France?

          

          

          

          

          97 .
          Feeling any good Nazi officer's patience would of been
          exhausted long ago, Lt.Hicox butts in.

          LT.HICOX
          None of your business,Sgt.
          You might not have worn out your welcome
          with the fraulein, with your drunken
          boorish behavior, but you have wore out
          your welcome with me.
          The Table of game playing Soldiers, hear this, and get quiet.

          LT.HICOX
          Might I remind you Sgt.,your a enlisted
          man. This is a officers table. I suggest
          you stop pestering the fraulein, and
          rejoin your table.
          The German Master Sgt., looks quizzically at the officer.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Excuse me Cap't, but your accent is
          is very unusual.
          The whole room pauses-for different reasons...

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          Where are you from?
          A silent moment passes between the two tables, then the two
          German born impostors spring into action.

          WICKI
          Sgt.! You must be ether drunk or mad,
          to speak to a superior officer with
          such impertinentness!
          Stiglitz, STANDS and YELLS to the other table;

          STIGLITZ
          I'm making YOU,...
          (Pointing at

          WINNETOU)
          .and YOU,..
          (Pointing at
          Edgar Wallace)
          .responsible, for him.
          (Pointing at
          Sgt.Pola)
          I suggest you take hold of your friend,
          or he'll spend Max's first birthday
          in jail for public drunkenness!

          

          

          

          

          78
          The Germans SPRING UP, and take hold of Sgt.Pola...

          1W

          WHEN...
          A GERMAN VOICE rings out;

          GERMAN VOICE (OS)
          Then might I inquire?
          The Five known Germans move aside, reveling the unknown German
          in the room, unseen till now, our old friend from before
          MAJOR DEITER HELLSTROM of the GESTAPO. The Major stands from
          the little table he was sitting at.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Like the young newly christened father,
          I too have a acute ear for accents.
          And like him, I too find yours odd.
          From where do you hail, Cap't?
          Wicki jumps in;

          WICKI
          Major, this is highly inappr -

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          T wasn't speaking to you
          Lt.Saltzberg,
          (Turning to

          STIGLITZ)
          or you ether, Lt.Berlin.
          (Looking at

          HICOX)
          I was speaking to Cap't I--don't-know-what.
          The Gestapo Major is now standing beside Sgt.Pola, before the
          impostors table.
          Lt.Hicox, calmly explains his origin.

          LT.HICOX
          I was born in the village that rests
          in the shadow of Piz Palu.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          The mountain?

          LT.HICOX
          Yes. In that village we all speak like
          this. Have you seen the Riefenstahl film?

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Yes.

          

          

          

          
          f q s

          LT. HICOX
          Then you saw me. You remember the skiing
          torch scene?

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Yes I do.

          LT.HICOX
          In that scene was myself, my father,
          my sister, and my two brothers. My
          brother is so handsome, the director
          Pabst, gave him a Close Up.
          As Bridget Von Hammersmark places a cigarette in a ivory
          cigarette holder, which Hicox, as if on cue, lights for her,
          she says;

          BRIDGET
          Major, if my word means anything, I can
          vouch for everything the Young Cap't has
          just said. He does hail from the bottom
          of Piz Palu, he was in the film,
          and his brother is far more handsome
          then he.
          The impostors laugh.
          Then....so does the Gestapo Major. He turns to the Sgt.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          You should rejoin your friends.
          Which the young Sgt is more then happy to do. That table
          begins playing there game again.
          Major Hellstrom, the highest ranking officer in the room, bows
          graciously to the female German celebrity.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          May I join you?

          BRIDGET
          By all means, Major.
          The Gestapo Major sits at the table, opposite Lt.Hicox, and
          Wicki. The French Barmaid brings over the Majors beer stein.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          So that's the source of your bazaar
          accent? Extraordinary. So what are
          you doing here Cap't?

          LT.HICOX
          Aside from having a drink with the lovely
          fraulein?

          

          

          

          

          ,00 .

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Well that pleasure requires no explanation.
          Chuckle...Chuckle

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          I mean in country. Your obviously not
          stationed in France, or I'd know who
          you are.

          LT  I'! I COX
          You know every German in France?

          MAJOR BELLSTROM
          Worth knowing.

          LT.HICOX
          Well, there in lies the problem. We
          never claimed to be worth knowing.
          Chuckle... Chuckle.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          (Chuckling as
          he asks)
          All levity aside, what are you doing
          in France?

          LT.HICOX
          Attending Goebbels film premiere as
          the frauleins escort.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Your the frauleins escort?

          LT.HICOX
          Somebody has to carry the lighter.
          Chuckle chuckle.

          BRIDGET
          The Captain is my date, but all three
          are my guests. We're old friends Major,
          who go back along time. Longer then
          a actress would care to admit.
          Chuckle chuckle.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Well, in that case, let me raise a glass
          to the three luckiest men in the room.

          BRIDGET
          I'll drink to that.

          

          

          

          

          101
          They cheers.

          BACK TO THE REAL GERMAN TABLE
          They continue to have alot of fun playing their game.

          BACK TO OFFICERS TABLE

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          I must say, that game their playing
          looks like a good bit of fun. I didn't
          join them, because your quite right Cap't,
          officers and enlisted men shouldn't
          fraternize. But seeing as we're all
          officers here,
          (Bowing to

          BRIDGET)
          .and sophisticated lady friends of
          officers. What say we play the game?
          Lt.Hicox begins to refuse, when Bridget (feeling she knows
          better), interrupts him;

          BRIDGET
          okay, one game.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM

          WUNDERBAR
          The Major borrows five cards from the other table, and lays
          them out in front of Bridget and the officers.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          So the object of the game, is to write
          the name of a famous person on your card.
          Real or fictitious, doesn't matter. For
          instance, you could write Confucius or
          Fu Manchu.
          (He SNAPS his

          FINGERS)
          Eric' More pens.
          (Back to players)
          And they must be famous. No Aunt Inga's.
          When you finish writing, put the card
          face down on the table, and move it to
          the person to your left. The person to
          your right, will move their card in
          front of you. You pick up the card
          without looking at it, lick the back,
          and stick it on your forehead like so.
          He demonstrates.

          

          

          

          
          )oz.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM

          (CON'T)
          And in ten yes or no questions, you must
          guess who you are...
          As Major Hellstrom finishes explaining the finer points of the
          game, The CAMERA PANS OFF HIM, and BEGINS SLOWLY ZOOMING INTO
          STIGLITZ. The Majors dialogue begins to FADE AWAY.
          Untill we're in a SPAGHETTI WESTERN FLASHBACK. Which is RED
          FILTERED FOOTAGE of Hugo being savagely WHIPPED by somebody
          wearing a GESTAPO UNIFORM, SUPERIMPOSED over his CLOSE UP.
          The Flashback disappears. It's driving Stiglitz crazy, being
          this close to a Gestapo uniform, and not plunging a knife into
          it.
          The Majors Voice comes back on the soundtrack.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          .So let's give it a try, shall we?
          Everybody write your names.
          The Five players write their names...
          Then move their cards to the right...
          Everybody sticks their cards on their forehead...

          MAJORBRIDGETWILHELMARCHIEHUGO

          HELLSTROMVON HAMMERSMARKWICKIHICOXSTIGLITZ
          is is is is is

          KING MARCOBULLDOGBRIGITTEG.W.

          KONG POLO DRUMMOND HELM PABST

          MAJ.KING KONG
          I'll start, give you the idea.
          Am I German?
          They laugh.

          BRIDGET
          No.

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Am I a American?
          They laugh - but then Wicki says;

          WICKI
          Wait a minute, he goes to

          

          

          

          

          !03 .

          BRIDGET
          Don't be ridiculous, obviously he wasn't
          born in America.

          MAJ.KING KONG
          So... . I visited America, aye?
          The Table says; "Yes".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Was this vist...fortuitous?

          WICKI
          Not for you.

          MAJ.KING KONG
          .Bummm. My native land, is it what
          one would call, exotic?
          The Table confers, and decides, yes it is exotic.

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Hummmm. That could be ether a reference
          to the jungle, or the Orient. I'm going
          to let my first instinct take over, and
          ask, am I from the jungle?
          The Tablesays; "Yes you are".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Now gentlemen, around this time you could
          ask, weather your real or fictitious.
          I however, think that's too easy, so I
          won't ask that, yet. Okay, my native land
          is the jungle? I visited America, but my
          visit was not fortuitous to me, but the
          implication is that it was to somebody
          else. When I went from the jungle to
          America,... .Did I go by boat?
          "Yes".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Did I go against my will?
          "Yes".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          On this boat ride, ... . Was I in chains?

          "YESIS

          

          

          

          

          MAJ.KING KONG
          When I arrived in America,...Was I
          displayed in chains?
          "Yes".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Am I the story of the Negro in America?
          The Table says, "No".

          MAJ.KING KONG
          Well then I must be King Kong.
          Be throws the card on the table.
          They applaud him.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Nov since I answered correctly, you all
          need to finnish your drinks.
          The three counterfeit Nazi's knock back their whiskey.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Now, who's next?

          LT.HICOX
          Major, I don't mean to be rude. But the
          four of us are very good friends. And
          the four of us haven't seen each other
          in quite a while. So...
          Major, I'm afraid, you are intruding.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          I beg to differ Cap't. It's only if the
          fraulein considers my presence a
          intrusion, that I become a intruder.
          How about it fraulein? Am I intruding?

          BRIDGET
          Of course not, Major.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          I didn't think so. It's simply the young
          Cap't is immune to my charms.
          The Table's not sure what to do, is this a confrontation?
          Then, the Major laughs.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          I'm just joking, of course I'm intruding.

          

          

          

          

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Allow me to refill your glasses gentlemen,
          and I will bid you and the fraulein adieu.
          (Leaning in)
          Eric has a bottle of thirty-three year old
          single malt scotch whisky from the
          Scottish highlands. What do you say
          gentlemen?

          LT.HICOX
          Your most gracious, sir.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Eric, the thirty-three, and new glasses!
          You don't want to contaminate the thirty-
          three with the swill you were drinking.

          ERIC
          How many glasses?

          LT.HICOX
          Five glasses.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Not me. I like scotch, scotch doesn't like
          me.

          BRIDGET
          Nor I. I'll stay with bubbly.
          Lt.Bicox, hold up three fingers(pinky to index), to Eric the
          owner.

          LT.HICOX
          Three glasses.
          Eric brings the three glasses, and the old bottle, pouring for
          the three soldiers.
          Major Helistrom lifts up his beer stein, and toasts;

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          To a thousand year Reich!
          They all mutter, "a thousand year reich", and toast glasses.
          The Gestapo Major puts down his beer stein, and then WE HEAR a
          CLICK, under the table.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Did you hear that? That's the sound of
          my Luger pointed right at your testicles.

          

          

          

          

          !Q( 

          LT.HICOX
          Why do you have a Luger pointed at my
          testicles?

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Because you've just given yourself
          away, Cap't. Your no more German then
          that scotch.

          LT.HICOX
          Well, -Major -

          BRIDGET
          - Major -

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          - Shut up slut.
          (To Hicox)
          You were saying?

          LT.HICOX
          I was saying that makes two of us. I've
          had a gun pointed at your balls since
          you sat down.

          SGT.STIGLITZ
          That makes three of us.

          UNDERTABLE
          We See all three guns pointed at appropriate crotches. As well
          as Bridget's legs, right besides the Nazi Major's. Her pretty
          gams are sure to be chewed up in the possible crossfire.

          SGT.STIGLITZ
          And at this range, I'm a real
          Fredrick Zoller.
          Hugo alsobrings out his dagger, and sitcks it in the table top.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Hummmmm ... Looks like we have a bit
          of a sticky situation here.

          LT. H ICOX
          What's going to happen, Major, is your
          going to stand up, and walk out that
          door with us.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          No no no no no no, I don't think so.
          I'm afraid you and I both know, no matter
          what happens to anybody else in this room,
          the two of us aren't going anywhere.

          

          

          

          

          "7 .

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          (pointing behind
          him at the table)
          Too bad about them though. They seem
          like a likeable
          (referring to
          Stiglitz and Wicki)
          You two will have to shoot them.

          BRIDGET
          Then Major, i implore you. For the
          sake of those German troops, will
          you please leave with us?

          MAJOR HELLSTROM
          Oh Bridget, your concern for German
          troops, gets me
          (Pointing at
          his heart)
          .right here. You mean for the sake
          your whore legs, don't you? You can't
          afford to get any bullet holes in them,
          your not finished spreading them for
          all the Hollywood Jews.
          Lt.Hicox picks up his thirty-three year old single malt
          scotch, and says;

          LT.HICOX

          (ENGLISH)
          'Well, if this is it old boy, I hope
          you dont mind if I go out speaking
          the kings?

          MAJOR HELLSTROM

          (ENGLISH)
          By all means, Cap't.
          The English film critic, commando, picks up the thirty-three
          the Nazi Major bought him, and says;

          LT.HICOX
          There's a special rung in hell reserved
          for people who waste good scotch.
          And seeing as I might be rapping on
          the door momentarily...
          He downs the stuff.

          LT.HICOX
          (To the Nazi

          MAJOR)
          I must say, damn good stuff, sir.

          

          

          

          
          He puts the glass down.

          LT.HICOX
          Now about this, "Pickle", we find
          ourself's in. It would appear, there's
          only thing left for you to do.

          MAJOR HELLSTROM

          (ENGLISH)
          And what would that be?

          LT.HICOX
          Stiglitz.

          STIGLITZ
          Say, auf wiedersehen to your balls!

          STIGLITZ
          FIRES into HELLSTROM'S BALLS...
          As does HICOX, HITTING not only Hellstrom, but BRIDGET as
          well.

          HELLSTROM
          FIRES into HICOX'S BALLS and KNEE CAPS.

          STIGLITZ
          then JUMPS over the table, and begins STABBING HELLSTROM with the

          DAGGER.
          HICOX FALLS to the floor....DEAD.
          BRIDGET FALLS to the floor.,SHOT.

          WICKI
          brings his weapon out from underneath the table, and BEGINS
          FIRING across at The GERMANS at the table, who unaware, were
          still PLAYING THE GAME.

          WINNETOU
          is SHOT IN THE BACK, before he even knew what was happening.
          EDGAR WALLACE and The FRENCH BARMAID
          are both SHOT by WICKI.

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          FALLS to the floor in the confusion.
          FEMALE SGT.BEETHOVEN and STIGLITZ bring their guns toward each
          other and FIRE. They BOTH TAKE and GIVE each other so many
          BULLETS, it's almost romantic when they collapse DEAD on the
          floor.

          

          

          

          

          I 09.
          WICKI and HATA HARI
          both ON THERE atMATA AARI is
          HIT THREE TIM atally)G

          SGT.POLA NEGRI
          comes the a CHINE GUNN,
          whole thehroom;,BWIPI NGERIC.
          The SHOOTING STOPS...the SMOKE caused by the gunfire ... starts
          to DISSIPATE... The only one in the room left alive, is the
          young German Sgt, with the machine gunn.
          WE HEAR the feet of the soldiers outside, reach the basement
          entrance.
          The door opens...
          , .The German Sgt, sends FIFTY BULLETS in the doors
          direction...
          No one goes through it.
          What we have here, is a rabbit hole like situation. No one
          inside is getting out, no one outside is getting in.
          The young German Sgt, YELLS in ENGLISH, to the outside;

          GERMAN SGT
          You outside! Who are you? British,
          American, what?
          Aldo's Voice YELLS down the hole;

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Were American's 1 What are you?

          GERMAN SGT
          I'm a German you idiot!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          You speak English pretty good for a
          German!

          GERMAN SGT
          I agree! So let's talk!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Okay, talk!

          GERMAN SGT
          I'm a father! My baby was born today
          in Frankfurt! Five hours ago! His name
          is Max! We were in here drinking and
          celebrating! They're the ones that
          came in shooting and killing!
          It's not my fault!

          

          

          

          
          Ito.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Okay, okay, it wasn't your fault!
          What's your name soldier?

          GERMAN SGT
          Wilhelm!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          That's the same name as one of the
          guys you just killed!

          WILHELM
          They attacked us!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Okay Wilhelm... .is anybody alive
          on our side?

          WILHELM
          No!
          We hear a VOICE OFF SCREEN, yell out;

          BRIDGET'S VOICE(OS)
          I'm alive!
          Wilhelm spins in the direction of the voice.

          STILL

          R
          On the floor, with a bullet in her BLOODY LEG, lies the
          alive Bridget Von Hammersmark.
          The German Sgt points the muzzle of the machine gunn at
          the German celebrity; with hate in his eyes.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Who's that?

          WILHELM
          (To BRIDGET,

          LOW)
          Make a sound whore, and I spit!
          Meaning the muzzle.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Wilhelm, who is that?

          WILHELM
          is the girl on your side?
          Pause.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Which girl?

          

          

          

          

          WILHELM
          1 Who do you think, Von Hammersmark!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Yeah, she's oar's!

          WILHELM
          (To Bridget
          LOW in GERMAN)
          I thought so. So you run with the
          American's now, huh? Now times are
          bad?

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Is she okay?

          WILHELM
          (To Bridget
          LOW in GERMAN)
          You despicable traitor.
          (To Aldo)
          She's been shot, but she's alive.
          (To Bridget
          LOW in GERMAN)
          For now.
          We hear The Basterds Curse their luck Off Screen.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Okay Wilhelm, what'd ya say we
          make a deal?

          WILHELM
          What's your name?

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Aldo. Wilhelm, can I call yap Willi?

          WILHELM
          Yes.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          So Willi, you know we could lob three
          or four or five or six grenades down
          there, and your little war story ends
          here. But good fer you, bad fer her,
          you die, she dies. So what say we
          make a swap?

          WILLI
          Keep talking?

          

          

          

          

          112.

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Okay, Willi here's my deal! You let
          me and one of my men come down to
          take the girl away! And we take the
          girl, and leave! That simple, Willi!
          You go your way, we go ours! And little
          Max, gets to grow up playing catch with
          his daddy! So what'ya say, Willi, we
          got a deal?
          Willi thinks...
          Bridget watches Willi think...

          WILLI
          Aldo?

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          I'm here Willi!

          WILLI
          I want to trust you.... But howcanI?

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          What choice ya got?

          WILLI
          I could kill the girl!

          ALDO'S VOICE(OS)
          Well now, Willi, that's true enough.
          But something you need to know, so
          you don't get the wrong idea. Ain't
          none of us give a fuck bout that
          girl. But, admittedly, if you kill
          her, it would fuck up our plans. But
          you'll be dead by then anyway, so
          what'd you care? And lets not
          forget that little gatzenjammer
          Max, growin up without a pop. So in
          the spirit of gettin you home to
          him, we got a deal, Willi?

          WILLI
          Okay Aldo, I'm going to trust you!
          Come down, no guns!
          Aldo and Hirschberg come down the stairs, showing open hands.
          Willi keeps his machine gunn trained on them.
          Aldo with his hands up, says;

          A

          

          

          

          

          ALDO
          Hey Willi, what's with the machine
          gunny I thought we had a deal?

          WILLI
          We do have a deal, now git the girl
          and go.

          ALDO
          Not so fast, Willi, we only have a
          deal, we trust each other. A Mexican
          stand off ain't trust.

          WILLI
          You need guns on me for it to be
          a Mexican stand off.

          ALDO
          you got guns on us, you decide to
          shoot, we're dead. Up top, they got
          grenades, they drop 'em down here,
          your dead. That's a Mexican stand
          off, and that wasn't the deal.

          WILLI
          Just take that fucking traitor, and
          go! See? Now your down here
          Now you get tricky - t

          ALDO
          - No tricks!- Ain't nobody gittin
          tricky, Willi; I swear to god, I'm
          too damn dumb toget tricky. But

          (MEANING

          HIRSCHBERG)
          him and I lived upto the deal. We
          came down without guns. Now it's
          your turn. No trust,no deal.
          Willi pointing gunn at them.,,, -thinking...

          ALDO
          i know your scarred. I'm scarred,
          he's scarred, we're all scarred.
          So what's it gonnabe Willi?
          Ether we got a deal, or you might
          as well just shoot us now.
          Willi decides...
          He puts the machine gunn down on the bar.

          

          

          

          

          WILLI
          Fine. Take that fucking traitor and
          get her out of my sight.

          ALDO
          Danka, Willi, danka. okay, Hirschbeg,
          you grab her shoulder -

          WHEN...
          From behind Aldo and Hirschberg, Bridget lifts up Major
          Hellstroms Luger, and EMPTIES the remaining bullets into
          Sgt.Willi, who FALLS to the floor, DEAD.
          Aldo and Hirscberg spin around shocked.

          ALDO
          You fuckin bitch! I had a deal with
          that man!
          From the floor, the bloody, sweaty, and in excoriating pain
          (she'll probably lose that leg), German movie star, says to the
          two American soldier's she's just meeting for the first time;

          BRIDGET
          He was a enemy soldier, who knew who
          I was. He couldn't live.

          3
          Hirscberg loses control, and RICKS the woman on the floor,
          hard in the side.

          HIRSCHBERG
          I ought'a beat your fuckin head in

          ALDO
          Stop it. Just pick her up, and get
          that bitch outta here.

          HIRSCHBERG
          Aldo, she just-

          ALDO
          - She's right.

          HIRSCHBERG
          What?

          ALDO
          I said, she's right. He was a Nazi
          soldier. If he lived, he would doomed
          the mission.

          ELI

          

          

          

          
          )Is,.

          ALDO

          61

          (CON'T)
          Don't mean I like it, don't mean I
          like her, but she's right. Now as
          Willi said, "take this fuckin
          traitor, and get 'er outta my sight".

          EXT - LA LOUISIANE - NIGHT
          Hirschberg, carrying Fraulein Von Hammersmark, and Aldo emerge
          from the bowels of the basement.
          Bridget points at a fancy black sedan, telling them it's her's.
          Aldo, Hirschberg, Bridget, Donowitz, and Utivich pile in, and
          take off.