Manti Te'o was having a relationship via telephone/internet with a man pretending to be female.
The little girl is not going to win because i am the king, soshe needs to stop what she is doing
He is upstairs rights now and I'm down here getting ready. It’s aboutto go down. Nite nite.
Shit, I am who I am. I'm done apologizing. I'm doing it for Shaq and my kids, that's my attitude this yearand if you don't like it, get out
It is very rare that I get what I want, but now that is has happened, I do not plan onlosing it, no matter the cost
A quick shout out to Nestboy Vick as he is good at rapping. Keep releasingthe track as I want them
Miami Heat Player Lebron James had 34 points, 16 rebounds, 7 assists, 3 steals, and 1 block. Whereas Boston Celtics Player Kevin Garnett had 24 points, 11 rebounds, 4 assists,2 steals, and 3 blocks
You can say anything you want to, I don't care, noone else can have you
At 3:05, when the bell rings, I'm saying bye to my significant other and running out of PSM. By 3:45, I should be homeThen it's time to part
When you call a person's phone and they don't answer that means they never cared about it.Cared about it
I do not want to see twerking videos on my timeline because thesepeople do not know how to twerk
That was supposed to be a tweet but, that was funny.   I don't know how the hell I done thatto you, my bad, it was funny though
This group of five-year-olds just tried to holler at me! That’s funny. When I told them how oldI was, they scattered. I’m laughing!
Does anyone else have a TV that makes every movie look very fake? These TV’s are made too well. Mine is like that.
Who made Amy's dress for the finale, the red one at the end. Please, tell me.the end. Please, tell me
Old people are gross. This friend has just kissed a stripperlike she was his wife
That kid is GOOD. I saw him versus NYR. I’ll tell you, as a Ranger fan I’m not too excited about seeing himfor the next ten years.
My only wish is that my friend Keith was here to kill things. I have been down and depressedabout everything lately
I just want to fuck your best friend for one night only, and when I fuck your best friend, youbetter not fuck my friend
There is nothing as pitiful as a young cynic because he has gone from knowing nothing to believingnothing. - Maya Angelou 
I am single and ready to mingle, but at the same time I am also ready to settle down
I know I do but I am finally going to sleep. I am too tired, I have been up since 8 this morning with no sleep or nap.morning with no sleep or nap
I have not been to sleep at all. And I'm not going until my Quat comes later on.my quat comes later on
There are too many people who are not loyal! I need someone who is loyal on my team
Let us give a round of applause to the ladies and gentlemen that are not as tough in personcompared to their personalities on Twitter
I often get jealous, mad, worried, and curious, but the only reason is because I love you so much and I do not want to loseyou, more or less
When Kobe gets the ball, he needs to make one move and go. Don't want for the defense tomake his shot more difficult
I really think my kids forgot I had an account. Yes, I'm creeping and not a happy mother.and not a happy mother
I just rounded off the last of my kids’ birthdays until June! I'm proud and grateful to God. I don't have much, but wekeep it happy no matter what.
Alright, please allow me to get dressed up for the Miguel Album, and please continue to talk about everyone you are notgoing to do while I am gone
After \"Boyz n the Hood\" came on, I wonder how many guys tried shedding some tears and being dramatic to get a girlto have sex with them
Yes, there is also this black female doctor you need to visit. When i remember Her name, i will send it to you.
So he posted a status that said \"lonely\" and a modeljust messaged him
The Travel Channel is blowing my mind right now with all of these American fast food delicacies that haveturned up in Asia.
So, big boy is out here like “fuck it, I’m going to hop on all of the tracks 3000 says he is featured onand give you all the remix.
Yes, I think we should incorporate our outrage in the name, so that thebandit knows we mean business
Atlanta fans might as well clock out.. you already know theending to this story ..
I agree with you. As you know, the Nevas Intro is wasting Google Imaging time, they need for you to stop it
Is that Oprah interview on right now? Because she's crazy if she thinks wewould miss watching Scandal
Now, don't be surprised if your woman counts down backwards the next time you say some stupid shit.you say some stupid shit
There are some people who can not accept the truth but they will revisit your tweets in the future whenthey have nothing, so they can acquire the results
I am curious to know how much the individual who is in charge  of yhe Obama's Twitter account gets paid
And he said, \"My first name is Rod, baby...AJ is a family nickname and it's whatI prefer to be calle
Which are A) she was a lesbian for 15 years and B) she has an 11 year old,which means she's had sex with a man
You still may be able to worship at the altar, I don't think the doors to thechurch are closed just ye
Yes, they are still the same just a little more vocal now that we are grown and they Express themselves in speech freely
This broad worked us for an hour straight and did not even give us onewater break. The inhumanity.
Frank Ocean can probably fight as he has been training to beat up Chris Brown. Breezy will never liveit down if he happened to lose
The first cause is that Frank writes passionate songs about men and the second cause is that Breezy talked badly in his Twitter rantabout Odd Future, but he deleted it
I am not confused about anything as this works for me, but it so happens that my coworkers keep laughingat how small it is
I unfortunately had to take the bigger weights off and accidentally dropped a weight and all theguys came to my aid
I’m dying laughing. I think I busted a vocal cord laughing so hard. “You Look Horrible Tonight” is the song of the year.
No way, he likes her, and she logs into his phone, even though shedoes not like him
I walked up to this guy disrespecting a female. I told him I may be a virgin, but I know a pussy when I see one. Why the fuckare you hitting a lady
If I can’t love you like I’m supposed to and you’d rather get beaten by another person, why be with you? You deserve better.
If I could grow a perfect pair of breasts, they would sit next to my bed.sit next to my bed
Yesterday, I got the sweetest text from a person that I thoughtdidn't love me anymor
Ok I'm still out here. Still turnt up. What'swrong with me? Haha.
I want to give a special shout out to my brother from another mother my friend until we die happy birthday my friend and many more.
Umm...do I need to go back and read your tweets for all thisnonsense that I missed earlier? That's funn
It’s not sick. That’s funny. It’s just a bit extreme. Nothing is wrong with an extra pair of undies while traveling, but not a WHOLE duffel bag!
Dr. Haynes, I live in Georgia and I would like to know, what time are you on the Ricky Smiley show and how canI hear you more? Thanks
Bitch, shut your dumb ass up. I'm done talking. If you have something to say, sayit to my face, okay
\"I know where you're from,\" he said. \"You know him, look at my pic\"I just put up of him, brothe
I have received everything I have ever wanted because she makes me better. She needs to wake them up or they willnever be able to gain weight
I really miss Pat and Maurice staying here, they used toaccept my offers all the time
It is hard to be just be friends with someone you usedto be in love with
Everyone, lock up your man, because I will try and take your man and you will neverknow, so be careful everyone
Not a single person is immune from the trials and tribulations of life, if you think youare, just keep doing what you have been doing
Bad grammar is my pet peeve! Everyone needs help grammatically from time to time, butthat is what Google is for
I'm on the phone with my grandma and she keeps saying \"we're going to get off the phone now,\" but then she keeps talking! Come on
So, apparently, Bey sang/lipped to a prerecorded tape of her version of the anthem at the inauguration.
I love Vineyard seven and eight! I was supposed to have a tasting/tour there todaybut I had to cancel.
A study of delicious coffee, chocolate, bourbon, gin, pine and pizzaHave a good night gentlemen
If you're my friend, really my friend, go and get some girlsand bring them to me
He must not know that I don't like the bitch word, \"homie\". That word cause a coupleof teeth to go missing
Mommy asked me to go grocery shopping with her and my grandma. No, I’m good. They will bein the store for hours.
You can’t lose what you never had, you can’t keep what’s not yours, and you can’t hold onto somethingthat doesn’t want to stay.
Girls want to know...girls want to show...they know my name they know a..i'm stron
I’m going to let you all know soon and you are coming even if I have to drag you out of the house.
I tried to feed you boys, now it's time foryou boys to go to be
That’s not going to be hard. All I need to do is pass this testtomorrow and pass my midterms.
He is mad that he came over to my house unannounced and I wasnot there. That is not my issue to deal with
I am tired of always playing in the back. I am going to increase the intensityof the game. Definitely
With everything you just said, the injuries were still in place to make the post season. Firing Garrett would do nothing.
If she liked the first gift, that is only the tip of the iceberg. Ihave a trick up my sleeve
If I was with her tonight I would kiss her. Unfortunately it is too late, so I will kiss my handinstead. I am laughing, well darn, hopefully tomorrow
What the fuck is so difficult about coming back to pick up a badge so that your check is correct. I am not goingto clock you in. Shake my head
I got some new lipstick in the mail and her damn hair oils. It had me excited thinking it was my phone cases.
I am whom you want and what you need. She has you trapped, but i can set you free, sexually, mentally, psychically, and emotionally.
Although I am up, my boss said to weight whether it is safe for me to go to work. So I am going, but I am going to takemy time as I do not have time to mess up
The older the berry the sweeter the juice. Friend, it is the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Well yes, then sheis blacker than others too
If I was Olivia I wouldn't do the record either.  She has got to know that after last season her music isn't going anywhere.isn't going anywhere
I know how to work the system. The clothes I bring in look better than what they haveon their backs now.
Gatorade and Powerade used to be so nasty to me butnow I love that shit.
That’s funny. I had to go see this tweet for myself. It’s ashame it’s the truth, though.
Every person looks great, therefore, if I was not black, Iwould prefer to be Persian
Or go to food services, but either way, corporate needs to send them some damn sauce
I could accept us not being together but I couldn't accept us not being friends and nowit seems like I can.
In NCAAB, Texas A&M Elston Turner scores 40 points in an 83-71 win by Kentucky. It was the first SEC homeloss for John Calipari.
My mother disappoints me sometimes...why does my lifehave to be harder? gosh.
Boy, Teya is trying to see granny and such. I'm going to see though, i'm going tohit your boost! No questions
I got the jack. What else do I need? I need sugar and pebbles.That is in it
I'm tired of so many people. \"I\"m so shady\" \"Hi! What's going on?\" I'm at theABC store with it. I'm going to talk to you.
Ten dollars for a call from jail. This shit is over with. See you when you come home, brother.
I think there is a raccoon or possum walking around in my house, I'mreally scared right no
People's whose kids are named after stores aren't going to be able to spell their names until they're twelve...and write their name in cursiveuntil they're like twenty. I'm shaking my head.
The two for ten deal at Friday's is worth it because the food is served quickly because fast food restaurants want to servetrash food quickly for ten dollars.
People's meals on instagram look like some real trash. Keep that shit in your house!
I just called my girlfriend and she finished schoolshe smoke my joint to
I'm about to look at forty meals on instagram that will get meexcited. I'm starving. Damn.
Boy, you have two different females texting you. So I'm going to havetwo different men texting me.
70 degrees in Nashville. About to take a trip and then heading to the bar to get drunk. After that I will be.
In the same way, they announced the arrival of my train after itpulled off, I'm so not happy
Women get into trouble in on the streets and when someone pressures themthey tell the police
A.J., have you ever thought about leaving TNA and going to the WWW? With your skills, they wouldn'tknow what hit them. Trust me
I had no choice! I was already all into the television showand couldn't look away. I'm laughing!
When I see a pretty girl who has a weave it is the same as seeing a man with an inky black dye combed through his hair
It is funny watching Negros go through problems like I do but it is not funny when I go  through shit. Fuck it though.
Men, call a single woman that's been ignored lately. Say you need to do something nice for her and make her feel goodand kiss he
She is going to have to make a decision right then and there. Kiss on the mouth withan ass grab...or no snow shovel.
Soon the people that don't play basketball are going to say that Griner could play in the NBA, when she actually couldn't make a division 1 or a division 2 team.
Middle age buddy that shovel that is for his ride and had a bad day going to be onsome bus driver stuff, that's funny
Sadly, so many high schools have crippled these players academically, that even JUCO is hard for them.
Tell them what happened to the mouse in the house the next next play though. (Then askwho won all the games).
Have you ever bumped into someone your age and he still takes gang banging seriously? At what age does a reference to another gangnot make you want to fight
Dear Greeks, if by thirty becoming a member of your organization is your greatest achievement, you don't deserve your fucking letters.
Once I am able to escape this competitive struggle for wealth and power I will be taking daytime naps and I will go to the chiropractor.
Ladies, the older you are in life the more things you aregoing to have to sift through
I'm sick of going to this dealership when random lights go out. However I do lovea free truck wash.
Half of what you want is better than zero of what you want. But it's mean if vocalized.
Bill collectors take fractions of debt on the dollar sometimes, and I don't expect you toagree about the RS, man.
Fucking where is it? So it's a store that will sell you fourfifths of Patron for $49.99.
Immediately go back to the hotel and hope you don't have too many jerks on your team that play the replay on their ipads.
All the women who have sent off the shape  challenged women should be ashamed.of the world. Shame on you
On the way to the gym to sweat the rest of this bug out. I can't beconducting workshops looking sick.
We're not going for that family. My kid is going to get all the cool shit...because Daddy and Mommy work hard as shit for it.
Yeah you know with Groupon they just give you that moneyback to get something else
So the other business units are sending emails to IT while weare in conference because they are out. I'm shaking my head.
Kelly is a fat ass heifer...and we lover it! Let her show her crotch...We are lovingher direction right now. Laugh out loud.
It doesn't work when you work everyday while those that aren't working are sitting around eyingthings you've worked hard for
In three years do you have the ability to do the same thing you are doing now.If you do not you are wasting your time
I can actually believe the stat. I was wondering who tookthe time to take the poll.
Every time I ask for a cup of water at a fast food restaurant, I always fill it up with soda.
I hate the little sign on my phone that says I' have a voicemail...I hate the red light on my workphone when I have a voicemail.
I'm more of the service-at-a-soup-kitchen, paint-a-school type of community service kind ofguy. I'm not a role model.
I have been on auto pay forever. I got one percent inapr deduction because of it.
I couldn't do anything by laugh...she was dead serious and smiled in my face like \"yeahman, you see it\". It was funny.
Then she is so gangster. She ends the conversation, looks at me for a little bit, and then opens up this bible pamphlet
I didn't speak about Lillard because I never mentioned him. I spoke about AD and Barnes Like I expected, Barnes isgoing to take it well.
I said AD won't beat ROY, and Barnes was going to be a good pro, and the game wasmore suited for the pros.
That's a recipe for disaster. A woman that won't shut up or sit down. When is that ever going to getwins? It's less extreme ways.
We can agree to disagree, but I'm no advocate to any woman thinking it's ok to never shut up and have a seat.
I think every Married woman on my timeline is nodding their head...while thesingle ones are not catching it
If everyone calmed down before making a decision a lot will be different...but to be fair a woman carrying on is as annoying as shit. Laugh out loud.
Let DJ come home and tell me all he did was watch videos with a sub and everyonein class doesn't have books. Shit.
Sometimes, men approach some women who are not that cute because they hope she is super attentive and domesticand has an untouched good vagina.
Are you trying to say that getting a white woman will help you be great ifyou're a black man? Laugh out loud.
How is that funny? Maybe interaction with you is more immediately satisfying than those causes...wearen't all that self righteous, brother.
It helps by showing you can be responsible for yourself and that'sthe first step before unity.
And that's just one scenario...it's a mile more ...hence why the bases should be..Be a responsible person. Period.
How do you understand an analogy, but yet not understand it at the same time? OK. Let me try this. You're not a dad. Do you think you can speakabout it to dad?
I was showing all types of baby thigh meat in high school. Now her future kidscan't be all fast. It's funny.
Ladies, if you ever used the line \"I'm too much woman for you anyway\" to justifyany argument then you are a fat girl.
Attention is a hell of a drug though. And goofy people are raising the priceof it faster than gold.
I'm convinced that Jay-z's lack of desire, own finances and style and such made her overlook his camel-face. Women are less shallow.
Repeating the last three words of my questions back to medoes nothing you know, that's funny
It can pan out though, but that later-in-life leap of faith shit is not the right idea. Date aroundand you will be damaged goods by 34.
No country for women leaving bread crumbs for the peole theyreally wanted to be with
Pho craving, Mekong Delta closed Mondays, so I made a faux pho with ramen noodles (all Eddie's has). It's notDelta, but I'm pleasantly surprised
Oh I don't know, maybe they are are. But they are usually closed Mondays, which is when I usually want pho.
I just had a great conversation with Old Baltimore about how he used toget drinks at The Stafford
There should be an \"En Fuego\" documentary. What was in that burrito thatmade it taste so good
With that being said, what do I want more? A nice body or nice hair? Because it's clear I can't have it all. That's funny.
I might need to break out the creamy crack I've been trying sodesparately to stay away from
I'm all for my friends and family leaving Chicago. All I ask is for them to make it a place I can visit.
I just found out that my auntie is barbecuing and my fat ass just ate. I'm headed to go get a rib.
I think I'm going to make a trip up to Roosevelt...Just to see if anything changed.
I was a little crank. That's funny. I haven't been getting any sleeplately, but I'm straight now.
He said he was going to call me back sohe can get on Instagra
Did anyone hear the Momma Dee commercial on 107.5? Why did she say, \"Whenever I'm...In the state of Detroit\"
I'm a full time worker and a full time student...do I really have timefor a boyfriend? Uh no.
My cousin texted me yesterday and asked me when I was coming back to Florida. I told her soonbecause I need to get the fuck out.
Reading through Neh 12 this morning with my friend, Joshua. He spit up while I was reading the names ofthe priests & Levites. Hmmm..
Don't miss the kickoff of our new series The Red Letters! Nine and ten thirty this morningat Greater Gresham Baptist Church.
the message \"I will give you rest\" must have worked last night. I found a stress ball under a chair in the worship center this morning
Spire installed on New York's One World Trade Center brings it to 1,776 feet, tallest buildingin Western Hemisphere.\" -- CN
If you ever have the time to message me back, because everyone says I sound like both of you when I rap. I just want to talk.
That moment when someone is trying to hit on you... and you tell them that you're a lesbian and theytry even harder? What the heck
Brian, would you consider being in a long distance relationship if you were interested in that person.
I have been waiting on a new debit card all week! It seems like it goes slower when they know you have money to spend.
Whenever people lose too much weight too quickly, people automatically think one of two things. They're either smoking or sick. It's funny.
It's going to be 93 degrees today! We just skipped spring and went straight to summer. Shaking my head.
I can't just eat pork like I used to. It's been toolong. I get the point.
It's about to storm. They're interrupting the tv shows. You all know my theory. I'm laughing. It must be serious.
I understand now why people just order cheeze pizza. It's less work and probably safer. I'm laughing
I can be a crazy bitch. I'll admit it. But I can alsobe the sweetest person ever.
My mind is at peace every night. That means something to many making unsatisfying commitments
I just got done listening to that junk. I had that shut blasting inher little car.
Sex: it's between two people that respectfully take advantage of each otherfor those couple of minutes.
Nate is 5'8\". Bron is 6'8\". Of course Bron will hit him in the face. Nate's under him. The NBA is so fucking gay.
One thing, I never was afraid to approach women. There are a lot of single bad chicks out here because niccas cannot speak. It's simple.
Why does Mother's Day have to be the day after graduation. I can't shine for 48 hours. I'm laughing. Just kidding. I love my mom. I'm laughing my ass off, and being petty
If that is the only thing necessary so that he is able to be finishedthen it was truly real in the first place
I guess we're not celebrating her birthday because she has saidnothing about i
I don't know what the nail shop is doing either because when I let someone else dothem I still have some
Chan is made because the Lakers are not in the playoffs...I wonder who he will cheerfor when Kobe retires! I'm laughing.
Oral sex is messy. I know a couple of women that need to let their hair be natural as soon as possible.
I was like, \"Oh, that's nice. What's that?\" She was like \"a three piece chickenwing and a biscuit.\" It was funny.
haha. Sorry, I haven't had my coffee yet. I deserved that. I assume my rainwill consist of Canadian pennies
I think a couple of burnt hot dogs and bratwursts shall be in my near future.
Yes. But it is my humble opinion. Mos Def \"Thieves of the Night\" verse is great, too.
Seriously though, we often confuse arguing with debating. I feel that men and women don't debateenough and argue too much.
I can't even yell properly. My voice cracks. Shaking my head. Just stick your finger in yournose. That wins most arguments.
What's the classy ratchet move for this evening? I only brought myratchet personality with me today
I don't even want to give her hell. Her jokes are too silly. Your jokes are not funny. Dickhead, no neck ass.
And if she is trying to tell me I'm the only one that's hitting, then what about those African Americans?What about them
Paul George isn't that great though\" You're crazy thatguy is amazing brother lol
Every time they are together she opens her mouth to say \"The Way He Had Me Feeling\". What the fuck kind of way did you have her feeling?
Literally though, Leonard is the only player who looks like he can keep up. Theball movement is looking all right.
Females only like me because I pay them no attention. Apparently you all like that stuff. *Shurgs
Nobody I know is up this early in the morning, so I choosenow to reflect on life.
The fact that we pour ourselves out to Twitter just goes to show you that we really just need to get our problems out, butwe are too afraid to say them.
People are like, son, my first time I had an orgy with like ten women and they all came three times and I didn't even come. I swear.
I have been telling you all from day one, Knicks are not that nice, they just havebetter players than most teams.
I was saying that they don't listen to you and they just keep saying how you are not a true freak even thoughyou told them you are not.
Lord forgive me. He knows I love my friend dearly, but I do not agree. If youlike it, good for you!
Please tell me that fool Stevie did not ask that dumb girl to marry him! I hope he did it for publicity becausethat is too serious to be playing wit
We have been beating shit lately and we ain't playing around this summer. You all had better get some straps becauseshit is getting real, little brother.
You fuck with me, I fuck with you. I will never lie to you. You got to be honest with yourself. That is what makes it that truth.
I'm getting MicroBrains in my whole head of hair. It took all night yesterday and it's going to take all day today. Only some will understand.
If this little boy watches another motherfucking WWE fight on my computer, I'm going to body slam his ass.
I saw the segment on Steve Harvey. I was so intrigued by your story! Perfect example of a good, God-fearing man overcoming obstacles.
So let's see. That' me, Ken, Wanda, and Aunt Ree. Now who's next? The hate and desire is real.
Loved last night but they should have let them perform longer. They were great! I have been a fan since the beginning!
If your girlfriend's friends don't like you, you can quit because theyare going to lie about your ass.
It was the wildest field trip since my prison visits in undergrad. I'm going to giveyou the play by play.
I don't know if I\"m involving myself with them. Brother, they have my blood pressure up. Those grumpy people.
Spring users for the iPhone in Chicago, I'm not even a Sprint user, but they are angering me with damn dropped calls inthe middle of great conversations.
For the gringos, May 5 is the independence of Mexico, as well as Canada.it is its largest state
This weak shit is over with. That's two down and all that's left is the one who alwaysremains the best in my book.
The screw-the-Rangers button has been pressed, but referees just sucked. Hank let in two soft ones and the big guys were invisible.
Shake my head \"Put a molly in that bitch's drink and she doesn't even know it\"really like that's crazy shit
I went to bed shortly after 11 am.I woke up at 3
This is funny. Shoot, I just woke up, I had stayed up until 11-something and went to sleep. Just gotright back up at three
Money on the line I came to take what's mine clouds can't block then sun whenit comes out and shin
I dropped a hot wing on the ground and threw it away last Sunday. I have been thinkingabout that shit ever since.
I just might do this to the next female I have in bed. It's funny. That was so wrong! I would sue him.
It's almost 1:30 am and I got home from a date. My mother was home and said \"Oh, I'm going to bed.\
I hate cheap people, like \"no, I just came with you to watch you eat.\" Oh my god that happened to meyesterday. I was like what the fuck.
I got this feeling on a summer day. When you were gone I crashed my car into a bridge. I threw your shit into abag and pushed it down
What's going on? Any way I can get you to check some of my joints and get your feedback on them?
So I downloaded kik and saw my baby on it. \"GG you got a kik?\" \"GG.\" Yeah honey, you are late. That's funny. So what? I'm not hip.That's funny.
You live in a fairy tale  world. Everything isn't perfect. I don't get anything for free. Fuck that. Somebodygive me some free shit.
Has anybody ever experienced someone who constantly tries to make you miserable, belittle you, and threaten you? Imaginewaking up in hell everyday.
I have a best friend. He understands me, and when I say love him, that's my best friend for life.him that's my best friend for life
He is so tall. He didn't really look like a bear to me but I guess you have a wild side. Laugh out loud. I can appreciate that.
I will never regret demanding for respect. Because where I am from, respect is everything andpeople out here are rude as fuc
No it's not, that's funny and nothing, I'm just trying to make itwhat have you been up to
When I wake up in the morning I stretch making baby dinosaur noises. dinosaur noises. That is kind of sexy.
That is how you do it, Miami! Lebron, you are a beast! Go home, Pacers! Leave
Anyone know where I could shop for Brazilian bikinis without having to be in South Beach?
Oh yeah, of course it does. It doesn't mean I have to like itthough. I'm just getting old.
If you text me and ask if I can do you a favor and you didn't even sayhello first. I will ignore you!
I got out of the car to go in the store. I figured that was a bad idea. Now I'm sitting and waiting.
This shit is hilarious though. When somebody calls you on your shitjust own up to it.
No thanks. I didn't read about it. Just read what it is supposed to be. Or at leastthe name of the event
If I hit the Powerball, I may as well kill myself because my family will beat me down mentally and emotionally before I can ever enjoy it!
My nephew once told some lady that. I said, hold up, you're going to have them thinking yourmom and I are gay
There is only reason I want to be in Philadelphia right now. And regardless of what youbelieve, it isn't about you
There was less judgement in the work. Maybe not in the same ways, but we all do wrong at some point in our life.
Oh, hell no, black people and chicken don't mix. Let me get myself in the kitchen before these inebriated negros eat it all.
I can't go down to aunt monkey's house to watch basketball these guys are yelling rolltide and i'm like why
It is hard to find a 34D bra. I am selective. Not trying to lookwhen they are perky
So you didn't get me any? What kind of disrespect is that? I would've sent you my address.
If you have drugs in the car do not drive in the morning. I don't have time to be drivingslow down because I am behind you
Dame Dash no longer has any money. As black people, we need to be better with managing our money. Myself included.
Why can't I seem to make it our of North Carolina successfully. The devil is trying to keep me here. That's a battle he will lose.
I want Jamaican food for dinner...so sad that I can't have cream soda with it. Water it will be.
I think I want one child, so that they can be an only child like my mom.
I want to get my finger and toenails painted during lunch but Ihave closed-toe shoes on
You probably shouldn't have brought your newborn with you to the nail salon so youcan get a full set of nails.
They also need to be seven to eight pounds straight out of the womb.That's funny. I like big babies
Are you at Carowinds? I am laughing. Just trying to make sure before I wave at your twin. I am laughing very loudly.
Put on my swim suit and baby oil for no damn reason. The pool is closed for some bullshit, but will be open tomorrowand my ass has to wor
Grandma is emptying out my purse because she's wearing it to a wedding! I hope my weed pipe wasn't in there! She's going to kick my ass and I need it tonight. How funny!
God looked out for us last night because we all could havedied, trust m
No. People come too quickly to these things. They must have people on stand-by, waiting for celebrities to fuck up so They can pick it apart
Lady at the nail salon tried to steal my nail polish,you are not low Ming
You believe cute girls are arguing over you. That's funny. I'm too mature for this foolishness. I played the games you are doing nowa long time ago. It's funny to me.
Boy you are sorry as fuck, I had to do everything yesterday when we playedthe hood boys stop all of tha
How are you going to show up at eleven out of the blue adn expect someone to come outside?
I have so much anger built up. Please, I am warning you, do not get on my bad side.
I text more than I talk. So whatever. All the people I need and want to talkto have iMessage. So whatever.
well the slut is gone but I saw the signand Barbie girl. Thanks an
Hey, I know the Spurs. I wish they still had Jackson to shoot some three-point shots.Great call, Coach Pop
With my new girlfriend right now. I like her style because she treats me better and fucks me better. We are on another level.
White people can come together and make Neo-Nazis and us blacks still fightingover blocks, streets and colors
I'm so sick of these nights alone and now it's going to be every night. I've really gotto find a friend! I'm sad.
They are always making mistakes but I was curious - I'm going to buy myself a hot iron.Do you think you could do my hair for me?
Real bitches, they lust over the hating black guys. I see you taking those shots today.Bounce them off; it is nothing.
Come back to lr so we can go eat? That's funny.\" But come getme so I can go..
I see that my phone is still acting up. Folks are thinking they are on a blocked list because they are texting me and I'm not even getting the messages.
I don't see why people are scared to tell somebody they have feelingsfor them.  It's fear of rejection
Why not, if everybody sees what that person sees and then out of the blue tells me about itlike I wanted to know.
You're right.  I don't know, never did know, and never wanted to know.  I always respected you as a woman and never deceivedyou.  You did that
I miss you too Judy. Please come visit soon!We thought we would see you on Lante's birthday.
I just really hope he doesn't get caught up in what JCole is doing.I don't want him to be blamed for something ridiculous
Those people want to stir up trouble all the time. I am just trying to mess with her a little bit. She thought differently
I am still at work hoping it will slow down soon. I am glad my hangover is gone. I am sticking to jack and crown now
I never ask for Christmas gifts because the gifts I want costway too much for people
She came up with ideas and suggestions to get me out of a bind and it worked. I normally never ask for help.
I say that because I always made D's in school and look how I turned out.
I am on the way home. Oh well, I had a great time with the family!
Love is much like a checking account. You can't withdraw more than you have deposited. And you cant' give more thanwhat you have on deposit
No, I heard that from somebody else. I told her what you said about that other thing. I just put that with that, and it's you supposedly
I know we spoke briefly last night my friend. I like the music I listened to on your website. I definitely have totalk to you soon about it
My brother is slow as fuck. I am shaking my head. This black man lit the wrong end of the cigarette. I am gladI did not want to hit that
That one time when you need something, and it's not where you left it!This is the story of my life
I missed so much good tv today...but I had a good excuse...from the foundation up, though.
I hate it when bitches in food service have a damn attitude. I should go back and curse that motherfucker out at Captain Ds.
Oh, my God, my baby, Kellee is coming. You all don't undersatndhow much I miss her
Yes, but only for this weekend. You'll start again next week. You always do (laughing out loud).
If you have to wipe your ass more than three times after you shit, get yourshitty butt in the shower
The White House has missiles under the front lawn and an underground bunker six stories underground that can   withstand a full nuclear attack
The Department of Education is no longer offering Pell Grants to Community Colleges. That hasn't been released by the news yet.
People can’t stand to see you doing better than them, and it’s always our own color.
Obama said our foreign oil dependence is down 30 percent yet the price of gas keeps going up. Let's let them know they are wrong
My friend is flying in from Seattle, and I'm flying in from Atlanta. Aboutto have a good time
She doesn't understand why I think that raising minimum wage would hurt our economy, especially in these economic times. ButI'm going to explain my thoughts to her so she can see my point of view
Fuck, top dog giving me that underdog status... Made it from the bottom tothe top, so what's happening
It is not about east or west. It is about black men and bitches, power and money, and riders and punks. Whichside are you on? -Makavel
They will not be satisfied until they receive the package. It is not worth worrying about.It is going to cost you your life.
Black men will lie with a straight face. I am shaking my head; I did not say shit. I justcharged it to the game.
The key to my success is, I tell girls straight up, I am not shit, and leave it up to them to decide
I am sending my grandson a Hess truck with the motorcycle because if I was a boy that is exactly  what I would want!  Thank you Hess
When dudes say they can't fuck with a woman because she is ahow, he really is just insecure
I love \"Reflections\". The music and Bible verses bring me peace of mind and dreams of Heaven
My only issue with rebound sex is that after she is done with you, sheacts like it never happened
I just tried to check the temperature on my phone. It said, nukka, it's cold. Please don't ask me any dumb ass questions. I just shook my damn head.
If he were going around giving peaceful sermons and saying the same thing without screaming,it would be accepted, wouldn't it
I am going to change my profile picture today. Which Facebook friend of mine should be my profile picture?
Hello, Janice. This is your sister who loves you a lot trying to learn how to tweet
What are my plans for this week? I work on Tuesday. Wednesday is my rest day. Thursday I'll see my family.We are going out to eat on Friday
HALT ~ never let yourself get too (H)ungry, (A)ngry, (L)onely, or (T)ired--it leads to sinfulthings. In my full flow
A cousin I have not seen in years asked for a brush. My mom had the audacity to pass them mine. You  think I want it back?
I used to think I didn't have a hobby, but now that I think about it, I guess causing damage shouldcount as a hobby right
I woke up this morning and got an erection.  I used the Vicks inhaler becausemy nose was stuffed up
Today I asked God to keep my mind focused, my eyes on the prize, my hands out of the cookie jar, and my feet. They need to stay on the right path! Amen & Amen
The football game for Jayden should be cancelled because snow/sleet is comingto Georgia. He is sick
It's been a while since I had a strong Long Island Iced Tea... I need one of thoseand two shots of Patròn
Golly, If that is the case, I can go anywhere except for Mississippi! I'd like to come back to Mississippi, but I don't know. Where would you like to go
Shout out to all the men that have \"going steady\" as their ringtone for their side bitches..
I need help deciding whether to pick up the Rams defense or the Titans defense.  I need a replacement for Seattle onthe bye week.  Please help me
I don't do that subtweet shit, the shit I have to say doesn't have shit todo with anyone on Twitter
My girl WON'T be going to any clubs.  That's extremely disrespectful.  She can dance in the living room.  I have Pandora
Brownsville is too far for me because I'm so hungry, and I have to be at work at 2:00pm
The news reported that the Braves Stadium is relocating to Cobb County. I can't imagine how much loss of tax dollars there will be.Will that impact the residents? What will they do with the former facility?
Popeye's isn't as good right now. Why do I have to wait 15 minutes for chicken? I'm laughing about all the things I'll do for my mom
I have so much to do, but I'm afraid it will be Sunday before I seethis level of relaxation again
I'm very scared right now, and I'm trying to get this thought out of my headbut I cannot stop thinking about it
He is almost acting like Dave was before we went to Africa.He isn't as unpredictable as Kanye
Listening to Kanye and Sway... and 'Ye is real. Not saying he isn't. But he's also crazy. Heneeds help. And coping skills
That girl changed, but I knew it was coming, and that'swhy it isn't bothering me
I need everyone close to me working on earning money. If your are afraid to workstay away from me
Didn't even ask me to watch your baby. You just left, and it's a whole new day, and now you are notanswering your phone... I'm too mad
I'm about to charge my phone and just though about  how I love you all even ifI never tell you or don't often say that I do, I do
Men are not the best at having a high pain tolerance. What do you think?
The only thing I know is that I have a rich appetite. Sea urchin and dolphin meat withcalamari for me every night
I do not give a fuck. Get rick or die trying. I have my mind made up for real.And what girl are you talking about
I am sending you a package in the mail. It will be same-day delivery, so the contentswill not die. I hope you enjoy
Money gang, taxes and all money. Nothing but racks. I will neverfall
If you are not from Crescent, then you are not a hero. A lot of you pretend like you are but don't look at me for help.I'm not interested anymore.
I've never understood how the promiscuous girls get boyfriends while the good girls get taken advantage of.Nobody has time for that
My bed time is at 9:00 p.m., but I go to sleep at 9:01 p.m. That is Thug Life,just kidding. Fuck having a bed time.
They think they are heroes and it's hard to convince them otherwise. They don't like that.
I want to wrap you up. I want to kiss your lips. I want to make you feel wanted. I want to call you mine. I want to hold you forever.
Why is it that when I upload pictures to stupid Twitter, they always come out flipped to the side? And it neverlets me change it! Ugh..
The Pacers are going to be a tough challenge in the Central. I hope Rose is ready.There is more pressure to get this done right
The older I get, the topic of butt eating is becoming too real.\" Motherfuckers used to deny it, but nowthey look around for acceptance
I read Complex's 30 Things That Ruined the Internet, and strugglingrappers should've been ranked higher
If I paid for season tickets for any time, it would take an army to get me out that motherfucker
I feel like if I even glance at the heat button in my truck, the gas light is going tocome on... Do you know what that's like
I have not seen any of their sports games, but I am going to try to see theirnext game as hard as I can
My mother said don't let anybody put you down because they aren't doing anything but hate onyou. Keep your head up
I think they’re wearing wires so I don’t talk like that. I think my girl is crazy so I’m not on the phone that much.
Your boy just got invited to the high school all star game, what's up!\" My little brother is doing bigthings. Go get them
That just really messed up my day.  And as if that isn't bad enough, the wind is blowing that smelly Dolce & Gabanna Light Blue perfume in my direction
All of you promoters can stop sending me tweets about your events, because nine times out of ten I won't be there.Make that ten times out of ten
They want all their money and streaming will not cut it. It is easier to sell directly to folks.
Allow me to apologize in advance for what I will do to thebathroom after Thanksgiving.\" Amen, man
The Bulls are looking to trade Boozer to The Raptors. About fucking time theygot rid of that man
I was just watching The Players Club. It sucked, but I love my big sister.She is cool, cute, and crispy.
Uncle Charlie Wilson was so great. The other night, no doubt, you are so far right, myfriend! Keep on doing your thing
I have never had someone do that to me because I don't spend time with people like that. No one would ever try that with me
I have always wanted to have a girl that likes basketball so that we canbe like, \"(LOVE AND BASKETBALL).\
We've been up all night smoking marijuana/drugs and now the morning is here.  I am goingto the store be back later fool
It is like mogs woke up and said, \"Hey, I was popular in high school. I need to createmy brand and get paid.\
I fell asleep at 6 and I'm up. Shaking my head. I'm about to force myselfe to go back tosleep! I have work in the morning
Maybe he thought you, as a woman, should have come out in the middle of the night andinvestigate before calling the police
When people look at their photographs from just a few years ago and pretend they don't notice that they've aged significantl
Okay, so, I think, I'm on the train with the Zeta that became a Sigma Gamma Roe a few years later.(Yes, you read that right)
I understand why you are mad; I would be too if someone treated me like that. It has to stop. You have a child now.
He doesn't have to do anything.  She chose to stay, now she might as wellaccept this role or nothing
But as soon as you lay your hands on me, that is different. I will fight you because you are disrespectingme over a boy.
All I would like is renters that I don't have to worry about and askfor my rent payment
You might be living in a Taliban-occupied country. I hear theyreally hate seeing happy women
The alpha male of group takes this winter bundle up too serious.  The best time to take out a gun and killthem when it gets warm out like the Summer season
It is because of the cost of gas that innovations in renewable energyand few efficiencies have occurred
Been on the this for about 10 years and it is crazy seeing what time does to people.
It would've been nice if they would've told me the Praise and Worshipsong, like, before this morning... that's funny
I am doing too much this winter so that I can stunt forthe summer. I am such a black man.
\"Do I get a drink with my meal?\" That's funny, this can't be herfirst time in Subway..
Who disrespected Trinidad? And why would he reply? He isn't a rapper,that's what he says, anyway. (we all concur
Good morning! I ask Jesus to protect you all from all forms and the spirit of \"Catfish.\"Do it right now, Jesus
Clearly my fraternity is having bad luck, because oh my goodness! People can't allow me to be ignorant during my achievement week
My principal and half of my co-workers are leaving work early to go to the Ravens Parade.  Hey, how is thatsupposed to work?  Ha, ha
The principal just asked me to play some Kirk Franklin.  At the school dance?  Wow,he can't be serious
Was asked to play the Star Spangled Banner at a Wizards home gamein two weeks... Should be fun
So how do the Sigmas feel about Morris Chestnut throwing up the hooks in Best Man 2 thought? I bethe felt great doing it
First of all, people never provide strong paper plates at their cookouts.I always bring the best kind
People are being rude to me on twitter saying I do not like big girls but my very best friend is a big girl. Please leave me alone
Kobe needs to keep the gum in his mouth. I laugh about it, but let me move on from him.He is still just as talented
I am honest about shit; there is no reason to lie. Be grown about it. Shit, I hate liars
It took my best girlfriend to tell me \"I know your upset, but let some time pass and then shewill feel sorry that this happened...\
Baltimore is definitely showing you all mad love. I can't wait for the game tomorrow. Prayingfor the team. Go Ravens
I recognize shit happens, and if I do not achieve it, it was out of my power. Then I am going to do everything I can to get it done.
Just because you want to be friends with me, doesn't mean I want to be friends with you..
Slow down, black man. When I do not call you back that means stop fuckingcalling me. Voicemail is full; shaking my head
She then promptly got broken up with by her lame boyfriend she thought that she could pressure into marriage
I hate when a man says he loves me because I really hate saying it back to him ifI don't really love him
Fuck picnics (except black man). Fuck clubs; maybe VirgoBash if the homies peace that out. Just redcups and my living room
I'm not going to be in the house all day. Even if I am stuck in here,I'm going to be in here wit
At work: Damn, it's only 1 o'clock?! At home on your day off:Damn, it's already 1 o'clock?
A store had to announce that someone left their son in their car playing on an IPad and that the parent needed tocome out to get him. People's priorities are misplaced
There were three men in the room. Actually one is a woman. What are they doing? I think we know.He will never admit to it.
I'm upset with you. It's 1:30AM and you paid for Very Important Person parking and left your son with an Ipad to keep him occupied while you got drunkand partied.  This was irresponsible
The worst thing that could have ever been done was to take NBQ wings off themenu, the fuck were they thinking
I am leaving work and letting it be known that I have to dub on what ever Gallon you all are talking about
I would like to see Chris wearing a different outfit and with more hair on his head as well as faceBut he's still cute
Just know that banks are full of it, which is why I simply avoidthem for my financing needs
Yes! I'm trying to help them turn their lives around. We make bad choices and sometimes it only takes one right choice.That can completely turn your life around
My husband just said, \"Get out of the way.  I'm a cook.\"  So I'mmoving.  Do your thing, honey
Some girls are sneaky while I am just a high-heel head, laughing my ass off. Does that make sense? This is whyI love you. Same here.
Laughing my fucking ass off, yes, of course. Layah won't go though. She gets mad looking at me eat because she has no teethyet. My poor baby
I want a bell pepper and ham. I cannot finish the rest! Thanksgiving, where are you?I can taste it.
People kill me.  You're walking around here with new stuff but you can't getyour child anything new
I went to the casino on Thursday and had 11 drinks. I have been sick since then and I have a job interview at the hospital tomorrow morning.
I get almost completely dressed and then I lay back down in bed. I know my mom will ask question me.I can tell her I am getting dressed
I have clothes. I have a lot of shit. I just choose to look like a bum 96% of the time
I am so thankful for a God who is purposeful and who never forsakes us. My God is a beautiful wonder to my soul
Honey, try to wear a gown and not a club dress for a \"meetingthe parents\" look please.
Dear, the enemy of my enemy will never be my friend when playing defense like that. Sincerely, a fan.
I asked for two wings, and guess what? Popeyes took it upon themselves to throw in the box one big assdry breast, and a wing
Saying you have a girl in the club is like speaking Spanish!Those hoes do not hear that
I agree, but the finished product is always dope. You have got it. I will try, brother,brother. Love on the love
We are headed to see Disney on Ice. My niece is so excited! She won't stop saying now Mickey, Minnie, Daisy, and Donald Duckare going to say 'hi' to her.
I realized that I was very different from the normal type a long time ago
This ladies' McDonald's bag ripped and fell onto the sidewalk. All she can do is look puzzled and try to clean itup while birds flooded to it.
Too many Peter Gunz's in the world... Marry the side bitch? It's like riding on three car rims
There's nothing worse that running out of your favorite lotion and needing to use one you don't like.It has a stronger perfume smell than anything else.
There is no fucking way \"AsL\" means \"As Hell.\" I refuseto think this is right
I can't love these hoes, they make me weak, and I can't trust thesehoes because these hoes are freaks
Plans have definitely changed tonight. It will be dedicated to Bey. I will betuned into Opera and HBO on the TV
Let me sign this contract!! I'm the Chief Executive Officer of my own record label! I can sign anyone including mysel
It is Thursday. So, nobody has time for Popeye's and their non- Monday through Wednesday special menu prices. Laugh out loud. Monday through Wednesday special menu prices. Laugh out loud.
Why does her birthday have to be tomorrow? All I need right now is my bed.I don't believe in birthdays
That doesn't count if you work from 9:00AM to 5:00PM, because we are all struggling to keep working past10:00PM on a school night
The Dallas Cowboys' season is over.  Their corners are getting cooked like lamb gyro meat on that poleunder that 300 degree lamp
I have a new girlfriend who is so nice. I miss her so much.I'll see her soon for sure
I'm about to watch the game after getting drunk on tequila, so you know I will bethe loud guy laughing!  Ha, ha
I'm going to a Washington Wizards game soon, and I am upset that Randy Whittman and Sam Cassell arestill on the team. They are terrible
The 49ers are going to get some momentum back with this.I have seen those actions from white people before.
All the middle class people will buy that same model of Benz.By the end of the year they will, I bet
How do I convince another that their relationship should be a “secret” and have the other person agree, though? I’m confused.
I dislike so many of the Black men that work downtown because they are sofucking lame as a whole
All the women in my life have stopped speaking to me. Even my mother and grandmother. They aren't speaking to me either. Women are terrible
That black man, John, was just trying to see if he can do it every night he steps on thefloor. He could have had 50
There is no amount of money or a job too great that would make it worth it.I can't believe that's how they are acting
You don't have to pay such a high price for help with your taxes. She is qualified.She went to school and has a degree
10 men... you are going to fight 10 men for your man... Suicide.\"I said the same thing
I need to stop letting people eat at my house. Once you feed a squirrel they always come back.
I know I'm not ugly but damn! Can a bitch get some type of affection or no?
I had to complain to my bank a lot to get my $20 back.They were being really difficult
Beloved Lavette, in the love of Christ, I'm suggesting that you check your spiritual temperature, because you're coming across as fake and judgmental
So I picked up a telemarketer call and the first words out of my mouth were “Now, see? Don’t youwish you stayed in college?”
You should sit down and stop doing what you are doing before I hurt you. I make more money than she does, and I do not have any reason to resent that. You should suck on a penis
It's just like I predicted. He noticed my bag. I was so confused because he said I should get out
Everything I have, I am grateful for it all. My family, friends, my life, love.. and this list will keep going
If you're going to send a text message, please make sure you send more than just one word! I don't need a message with less than five words!You can keep that word to yourself.
I only know a few zetas who are cute and slim. That's all I can think of right now. That makes a little bit of sense.
Texting and laughing with an old friend. I missed him so much. Glad to know that he is happyand in a good, faithful relationship.
What I also see are vacation pictures of clearly the same place, but no pictures postedtogether (I've done it)
Mogs is going to be mad but I don't remember Mike ever cooking this well.This has lasted so long.
Winter this year hasn't been too bad until now. It is so cold outside
I don't know who blackmailed the Pope but it must been some guys with a lot of money and powerin the word with a lot of evidence.
The fucked up thing about religion is that it is based on interpretation and people's intentionsare often biased and questionable. 
These children, are the children of parents whose parents were on drugs, and even though I have professional problem solving experience, I don't knowhow to begin to help them
Hello, is it possible for me to review your service and how it works on Global System for Mobilesphones like the Nexus 5?
In Wisconsion with my software program developers and military enlisted men.  Oh it feels great to be the coolest guy in the building laughing out lou
Are you ever on the train and you see someone who you believe you would have to punch if a fightstarted? No? Okay, never mind
Hello, fellow Asshole Greeks, what's the name of the Iota Founderthat became a Nupe again
Hello fellow fraternity brothers, what's the name of the Iota Founder that became a Kappa Alpha Psi member again
I'm laughing, Chaz was too funny in that last skit, and were the pillows supposed tobe, like, two butt cheeks? That's funny
I see people post on their page and it shows up in my timelineand I get alarmed
But to answer your question, they did nothing to me. It is just colorful commentary. I used to use this analyticskill for evil, though.
If you really love me and cared about me, you would have stayed  by my side, not turned your back on me and said lies about me
In 2009, I was purposely rejecting girls because I knewI was doing too much..
Man, I hate that I got involved with these women. I choose to be a mother of my kids. There--selfish and bitter! Not at first,but yes, it came out
He doesn't understand. He had a hard time staying in the league because he was so full of himself. He also struggled with a lack of defense.
There's more than 30 women in Houston right now that are finally understanding thatthey don't have 'it' anymore
I guess I will get a haircut tomorrow... I'm the worst at going to do thisduring the winter time
Is there no way to make a lot of money from this? Can you help me find a way? I have too much ammunition for this
I have four automatic assault rifles, no nine millimetre handguns, so I'm ready and you are not. I'm considering attacking you, because you made a mistake insulting one ofmy favorite rappers. I'm serious
So you're saying that if he cooks he is gay? There is no way to win, I'm confused. They are single because they are damaged goods.
Have you ever seen nonsense on the internet and wonder why people think they are so cool? I am probably a little harsh
Damn!  Who runs to his ex every time something goes wrong in his current relationship?Where do they do that
I'm living and learning that life is full of life lessons, and I will never go down this road again. Being an upstandingcitizen gets me no where
That would fall into HIS problem... I'm more-so wondering why women view it so negatively... othan than the pictures look funny
I don't know why her little self thinks she's so big and bad.  But I'll bring you back back down to reality baby
I am going to place an order for that one time and then I'll call back and tell them. I did not like that at all
You are right though, that's funny.... Boys think the Vikings are sweet! It was a good game, and Romo did his thing
Are you asking about my weight? That's my old number. It was when I was high.
In order for a female to get the respect mom’s get, she would have to be the most loyal female in the world. These bitches...
Lie because it gets the best results (his goal). If it was cut and dry about sex, itwould go into the man's favour..
But if a guy saying to you \"we can be in a relationship,\" he is in the wrong if hisintentions are just to have sex... but...
As I watch younger men I notice the trend with the 90's men and I see wherethe trend stopped with us.
I always expect the worst, and hope for the best... That's the easiestway to NOT be disappointed.
That is some crazy team! I see the Zillow emails too; it isonly in pockets of the city.
For your information, that doesn't motivate me... My normal gene pool makes me naturally fit... you little boyshave to work for it
I have a Facebook friend, that shall remain nameless, that posts pictures of things she \"wishes\" she could get..
I don't need to feel any type of way because I'm an asshole...That's just in my nature
I've been drinking Liquor you can smell it on my breath.  I see some ladies.  People who act real who are black are trying to fuck.  People want to fight who are black
I knew the value of friendship before joining our group, butI never have the words to describe it
She said \"You are about to miss church\" while we were sleeping together.I can't finish until my sundae has a cherry on top
When a man moves into a woman's house, the first time he says, \"This is my place\" makes me laugh every time
They can't get the job they want due to criminal and drug checks. They dont' have the perseverance toget the jobs that are available.
I let my baby sleep. She looks so peaceful but if it were the other way around she wouldn't let me sleep.
When I'm driving down the avenue these bitches give me attitude. They are screaming\"Charles we are mad at you!\
The only reason I don't like working in the dining area is because I hate dealing with drunken customers
I don't know how much I can take anymore. I give you all I gotuntil there is no more!
You get less playtime than Steven Novak, and you shoot like Shaun Marion with no handles, like Tyson Chandler
I am wearing two necklaces but they are not in charge of me. I have dreams.I am not from Philly
These bitches get around. Even the ones you swore didn't, they do too.\" I can'tput shit past these hoes
More than one person can play that game. I would win
I hate that cancer shit. I’m not sensitive. I’m justinto my feelings a lot.
It's an interesting point. Why did they stop the game for a semi-blackout that was still very well lit but not for fog or snow?
Which one of you?  Which one of you?  Which one ofyou going home with Moody
no, but I've always liked the phrase \"Act like you know what you're doing, until you do know what you are doing\". There hasgot to be a middle ground
I was the opposite. I got three episodes in before I realized the girl’s apartment was outside Dionysus. Good show.
I went to go for a run, and went right back inside. Not because of the rain, but because of the wind
Hi Tweety Birds, the Nazarene MBC Youth had an awesome musical last night! You should go!God bless you
If you go out to watch the movie, Snitch, starring The RockThen you're a rat
They think they are about to stay up all night long.I bet they will be asleep within the next ten minutes.
Anyone who would act like that is not a nice person. They are fake.I don't care if they know I said that.
I will do anything for the people I consider my best friends. Some of them are Brudda, Diary, my other half, and even more. I have room for more.I'd love for you to join my team as soon as posssible
I hope she screenshot everything because like I said I was just playing the role.
Why do black people think you will remember a person if you say their name twice? \"You remember Johnny?\". No, just black people do.
So, Bob, are you with that shit? I am laughing like shit! If you fuck with bony-back-ass Lesha beforeyou fuck with me, then respect
I want to lick you from your head to your toes.  But I'm lying. I hate feet, so I'll lick from your head to you know where
I need to wake up and go to church so I can ask for forgiveness.I need forgiveness for everything I did last night.
I can't believe that we had such a big lead, but let them come backlike this. The Ravens need to do better
Really...? You are giving a blowjob like that? Shaking my head, and I bet you still aren't getting thatretweet that you are craving for
I have seen that bitch a handful of times. How does she know howI dress, for real? That's funny
Yeah, last year they had to drill up my nose and I hadblack eyes and so on.  It was unbelievable
Every high quality man knows if you want to have sex with a girl, You are going to dowhatever it takes to have sex with her
One day I was babysitting my little cousin and Jason played tug of war with her. She was stronger than he expected.
Just saw a fellow African american with a cardboard license plate not even in the window of the carJust right in the car
Taking vitamins to be natural... Obviously it's not natural if youare taking vitamins to get it
One day only sale - everything is 50% off. Cover graphics, promotions, studio time, let me know what kind of quote you want!Send me a message to work out a deal
I'm glad I rushed to the liquore store the day before my family came for Thanksgiving so that I am able to stand having themat my home throughout the day
The Baltimore Orioles have won the game.  Lets see if they can continue the streak at homeover the next three games
A white lady was literally leaning on the black postal lady. I’m shaking my head. I thoughtI had to record it.
I am about to go out and try to find some food and beverages. I wish I could meet you.I could go for a drink right now
I am sipping now on my boo's cooking so I will tell you aboutSpecial Victims Unit. Go have fun, boo
It amazes me how people won't even have a Twitter, but willknow everything that's going on
Donte, Biggy Smalls, Chian, Faith Evans and me are the same.Lil Kim is better than that
My day is going the opposite way. I just jumped out of the car with it in Drive
Big ones too.\" So, you think you are better than me, huh! I'mcoming through, shining, on you all
If you start to feel stressed out in your chest, thinking that youare about to lose, it's true
If I don't like you then that says a lot about you! Because I get along with everyone.
No, you should only need a wash and a style and it should beplenty! Do you like it
I want to try a milkshake  so bad, but too scared I'm going to be addicted to yesgod.  They are the devil
If you think I was upset when I heard about that other girlI already knew about it
I just needed time to clear my mind and ask myself “why didn’t I handle him”? “why didn’t I handle him”?
Why are social network men so messy, I'm laughing.\" They are oldclowns with something to prove
Unless we know them, these women owe us nothing other than that it'sYOUR man that is wrong. Right
My boyfriend has been spending time with another girl and she's taking him away from me. He is mine and I'm not threatened by her
Mike just bit me in the face and is acting really goofy. I asked him to come and pick up his son. He said he is on his way.
Am I the only one who wants to see The Hunger Gams?  No,I do.  It looks good
I don't like carrying an umbrella. This rain is cold
\"That rain is very inconvenient.\"  Yes, it is.  \"I just wish it would stop.\"You aren't the only one
You didn't even say hi to me.  Dead fucking last I know a man's a little busy.I've come to pass through
I really do not know how to lie. I always get caught up in it or I tell on myself.Man, I am working on it.
If something happens to me, I just want to say that my life has been threatened.It has happened a few times this month
He has all his weapons now.  The bye week is over.  Tom Brady, #12,and also the Patriots defense
I just saw an Andre Williams highlight from a different game. How is he different from hiscontemporaries? Please tell me, sir
Everyone puts everything on Twitter. You are taking your last breath while Tweeting out\"RIP to me everyone\"
You are a piece of trash. Please stop acting like you are better than me.I can't handle being treated like that
If he broke up with you then he is no longer interested. He changed his number so he could talk to other women.He is no longer interested and you need to accept that
I'm not checking my timeline on Twitter anymore.  All of you talk about some of the dumbeststuff and everybody's a deep thinker
I have always acted the same! I never changed how I acted and some people love me for it, and others stopped bothering me because of it. Either waythe truth is I've always been the same
It is crazy how amazing the power of the black man is! You should try being a whiteman! It is freaking amazing! I am laughing my fucking as off
I can't believe how badly my leg is hurt from a bus accident.You should sue the driver
Is it possible there is a new Champion?The title would fit Big Shows well
Let's go to the country. I can't wait to see what kind of outfit Santino will be in.I wonder what Khali will wear
So Goldberg Jr. has a challenge for anyone on the roster. He can wait to see who accepts the challenge.
I'm not going to let her get to me.I'm going to change up the recipe
I'm singing.  An erection in the morning makes me feel fine.  Damn it, I forgot the words.Ha, ha.  Good morning, then.  Ha, ha
They say you can't turn a bad girl good because when a good girl turns bad, she's gone forever. Now, I have to live with the fact that Idid her wrong..
I changed lanes and the police tried to follow me, but I was able to evadethem. I'm laughing and I partied tonight
Psalm 40:9. \"I have preached righteousness in the great congregation: lo, I have not refrained mylips, O LORD, thou knowest.\
You can call me ugly and I still would not give a fuck because that is dumb as fuck!
Can you believe that this morning I felt fine, but now I don't feel good atall. I hate being sick
I'm really trying to attend an Auburn University game before the season is over.  University of Georgia, hopefully, because I can'tafford tickets for the damned Iron Bowl
I saw them by the bridge last night. There were six buses. I hope the damage wasn't too bad
Jameis Winston is the big man on campus at Florida State.  I highly doubt he has to rape any woman.  That white girl wants moneyto pay of student loans
No, fuck Bama. Baylor needs to lose and I don’t know why Oregon is even still up there.
Father, God Bless you, to thank you for your Prayers, and WeLove you all. In Jesus Christ, Amen
Hate that when I go on break, and I don't have a missed text, phonecall, FaceTime, or anything, shaking my head
The woman was calling those guys \"brothers\" and \"cousins\" after they gave her a date rape drug!I'm shaking my head in amazement.  Women say some crazy things.  I'm laughing so hard
I had the Yo Gotti album weeks before it came out. I just finished listening to it. That song is a classic!
BCU 29 wins over FAMU 10. The FAMU Marching 100 is back but they couldn't handle the BCU Wildcat marching band.
I really enjoyed the Tribute. Even though we were not supposed to hear, we remember her fondly.Who do you think will be next?
This shit-crazy feeling for hope and for a speedy recover! I know heis going to take his time
Boys out here crack me up when they are with their girl! They try to let you know that they are together by grabbing theirass and shit like that
That little, ugly, girl is hot. I am going to let her think she did something that she is not doing. Shit, her man is begging me to stop so I will.I guess she is sick.
I don't want to go out tonight, but it's a celebration that I don'tthink I want to miss.\
School and basketball with my son takes up all of my time. I need a home cooked meal.What happened to you cooking
They are only good on the grill!  I love turkey burgers and I want one now
My next girlfriend will not smoke.  I don't even smoke, so why would I wantyou, with your terrible bad breath, to smoke
My mother has at least ten sores on her body from head to toe, and some of them are very severe.They could take longer than a year to heal
I just asked my baby if she is putting all that grease in her baby's hair. She is talking about it because I am finally going to let itgrow. I am shaking my head, grown little lady.
I really want to apologize too because that's wrong for me to have it come out of my mouth, and say big, wildshit like that to her
Vic is fucking my old bitch, Nunu. She's acting like she didn't fuck him. Bitch, that's my friend, you thinkhe isn't going to tell me
Be ready for the first episode of the Verse One Show as early as the first week of December
I had a dream last night that I was at my house rocking my daughter.What do you think that meant?
Thanks for the small flat rate priority boxes. I'll remember to use one if I evership a $0.99 VHS tape
Department of Commerce and Insurance is a great advocate for Tennessean consumers and businesses.Glad she is in Tennessee
Watching Eminem on BET, and let me tell you, this dude speaks his mind no matter what! He is going to give you the real facts alltime! Love this dude right here
It's really very cold at this game, but watching the San Francisco 49ers make an interception has me feeling pretty good
Loving my daughter and her loving me back is the greatest love of all.  That's all the love I need
On lonely days I can deal with. But lonely nights are not what I want. I am shaking my head. I do not wait for love, it waits upon me. Do notrush feelings. I wait to feel.
Oh my gosh, without makeup, all of you bitches are beasts. Even so, you all look like Homer da Clown! Fucking return of the living dead. I am killing myself laughing, I am just saying
She might have been there with me from the beginning but the only thing that matters is who is going to be there for you at the end
Holiness is not through worship, meditation, or sacrifices.  It's through focus onour responsibility towards other people
Don’t talk or listen. They will observe and if it interests them they pay attention. Wow, this is really me!
It’s going to go well with her and my southern cousin. I think he is planning to visit his Floridiansexual partner. It’s so funny. Pray for him
To be clear, no Illinois brothers have won any step show in Illinois in 20years before 07 did it
I want to thank Nashli for setting me and my ace out to 03. You all were making sureand we appreciate it! Laughing but very fucking serious
I love where my life is going. I have my eye on everyone.Everyone has a fair chance
Thats because he is naturally a fat boy. Mogs didn't even notice that I swapped out profile picturesover the last six years. I'm laughing
My brother said pray for my exes. The sad girl said she was going to deal with a new caliber of dudes. She's a gold digger. I'm laughing.It must be a southern thing
To all the single chicks who don't need a man and are taking their Christmas tree out tothe alley this weekend, laugh-out-loud
I'm happy as shit. These new shoes that just came out are about tobe on my feet! Fuck yeah
I've been talking about this ignorant (but true) shit for over 15 years...but NOW it's hitting home once thirtiescome into the picture. I'm going to chill, though
Yes I’m a bears fan. If after nice years Frazier is not making the playoffs consistently then yeah he probably will be fired.
I think tomorrow I’m going to tweet in the opposite all day. I will say the exact opposite of what I’m thinking atthe moment. Who is with me on this?
That's funny! But yes, it is rough. Just relax and know people are trying their best and that means a lot. Plus aren't youplanning the \"all-girl day\"
Yeah, C's need to think about the future. They are not winning withthe team they have now
I could speak extensively on men who only look at what their immediate needs are butnever look at things in the long term.  I could, but I won't
This guy just pushed that chicken over. He is a beast and cannotbe stopped. They need to foul
The girl said I befriended her.The bitch is lying. I don't fuck with girls like her
Give me a gangster whore, one that doesn't give a fuck andthat will stab the whore
Why do neighborhood barbers always give you the best hair cut but are never on time.  It's like they know that you're notlikely to go anywhere else.
Just when you think that things are making a turn for the worst, God shows you that he has bigger and better things planned for you.
Yeah. I'm thinking about doing crossfit because I'm sick of seeing non-hoopersrepresented in those classes. I'm laughing out loud
Man, I just wanted to make myself some cheese, eggs, and grits and it turned into breakfastfor the whole family. I’m shaking my damn head.
I am really going to use this deepfryer and test this Jerk DeepFried Chicken RecipeI have memorized
We took Nyla to the doggie park Saturday. She had a ball! Making\"friends\" like they're human, it's funny
Tierra should be grateful that I understand that she's just having a bad day, because I wasjust about to fire her
To every auxiliary member of a D9 that wish they could celebrate with DST but chose to haveone letter and a symbol
I don’t trust any bitch around my man. She’s gotta be his sister, cousin, mama, or aunt, because Idon’t mind being rude!
This Chinese restaurant slow cooks these pigeons perfectly. It makes me feel thatthis food is really chicken and beef
How are they going to act once I finish this second one or when I get my Phd
To all the club promoters that want to capture the \"greek\" market but never went to school tounderstand how it get in tune..
Travis wants to go to a Nets game in Brooklyn. Thinking that might be afun day-trip, mega-bus action
The amount of liquor I drank last night was ungodly. But I didn't have a lick ofa hangover...thank you, Patron God
On New Years, I was right by my aunts house. I should've goneto see Raque
When you have one of the best defenses in the league, you always give yourself a chanceto make some noise in the playoffs
Online identity theft is nothing new. Most of the time, the owner of thepictures never find out. Ever
Don’t let me find out that bitches on Twitter are trash talking about something which happened last year. Kill yourself, hoe.
We have K-Cups in my office... and I'm not a coffee drinker but I knowthis makes us fancy. I'm laughing
It's good to have someone who trusts you despite what rumors suggest.  Someone who is strong but stillgentle
I just cursed out my little brothers for not picking up their phones that I boughtthem. Who the fuck do they think they are
I've got two tickets to paradise. Woo woo woo woo.Woo woo woo
From the looks of it, hardly anyone works today...and I have neverhad this day off before
If your point is that I don’t hold you to the samestandards as I hold myself, you are correct.
I'll try tomorrow. This flu has been kicking my ass for a week now.I need a nurse! I'm laughing
That would be an amazing thing to have happen, but Miacan't afford him at all
Yes, it would help a lot if i wasn't so sick.  I don't want to be the one to cause an outbreak of sickness in the workplace.I believe I caught the sickness at work
I'm not a paid time off user unless I have some fun shit to do...I goin to work regardless of the weather
Nicki knows perfectly well she didn't want to say yes, but she said, \"I also care\" becauseshe is going to get through it anyway
and when I couple the fact that I'm now paying it back (I paid forit) I feel nauseous. I'm laughing
This bitch is stupid as fuck in this movie. I want to jump through the screenand smack her ass
My little buddy is looking for connects but I don’t have any for him. All I have is the same old “work as hard as shit over time and if they don’t pay you, bounce.”
There are three people making bad choices, kicking in doors, shouting, and shooting. The police are called but do not get there fast enough and they run away.  They come back and the police are called again.The police get there quickly and arrest all three
It's not fuck, dude...but more so I don't understand the process of mentoring. Why do I have to tell youwhat you need to do
And yes! Stop using my fucking government name on here! That'stwice in 10 minutes! Laugh-out-loud
I am about to go to sleep, and catch some Z's, I am tired and my princess is not sleepy at allplease come and get your child in order to put her to bed
This jazz is so soothing that it just takes my mind off of the shitthat I'm thinking about
Sitting on my bed bored as hell, wishing my man was here. (smiley face)But he's not. (mad face
I also went on \"swimming dates\" by saying I was goingto the pool, who's with me?
You're right, I did lie! I can't make it to the NFC championship game. Notif they're playing this way
Only if they lose by three points. If they win by seven, then we will focus on him. It is better to do itearlier in the game than later in the game
Yeah, but I can't see 11 months making it. Now u need extra checks to make it though, and Iknow about that poor life
Profound understanding is like The Incredible Hulk. \"Take me at my best ormeet me at my worst\"
All that education and still having to suck dick in the back of the Dating   Game has to be humbling
The sideline security guard’s back is probably broken after such a direct hit. He is about to be able to get disability benefits soon
When you're downtown, people watching is fun.  You can see some funny things down there if you want to
Sideline hate? The more dominant the Falcons are early, the more likely I think they are to lose. Iwant them to win
I'm wondering how Brady got fined for nearly kicking a hole thru Reed? He had noproblem getting Suh though
Hey, I insulted your height as a man. I need a rebuttalPlease and thank yo
Technology is the ultimate example of something that can be so simple yet so complex. Every time you think you have figured it outthere is more to learn
I figure if you can bring yourself to even perform some whore acts, you're fargone (e.g., Gang Bang by Hoop Squad)
Sagittarius have a personality that is very outstanding. when they fall in love with a personthey do not get pass this love so easily
You guys make it very hard for me to leave the house. Especially after a good work out that’s got me feeling sore.
He's talking about \"she must be a cover up\", why is he with her? I was cracking the fuck up
The minute his team misses three open shots that he passed to them,it'll be ok because Kobe will be back
I forgot that the best was \"Forever Boy\"!N/
I may look alright, but I count the minutes I work and I work hard at keepingmy 35 hour work weeks.
Who is my mother to tell me how to get my hair cut. I told her that she has herown head. She is bold.
I wonder how many guys who are now being called boyfriends don't realize that they used to be Valentine's Day Dates, only
We actually had a great time and were served by a non flamboyant homosexual. Patronshots were only 8 bucks for 2
The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trustin him - Nahum 1:
It's cute that you all have been together for so longanything if you weren't faithfu
\"God will keep sending the same people across your path, until you learn the lesson that you aremeant to learn from them.\
Asking somebody to do something instead of telling them, and saying thankyou, makes all the difference
Today is my last day drinking pop and I’m cutting back on drinkingalcohol! My kidneys are bad
This is Olivia and I am in New Orleans and Tunein is not connecting. Letme in, let me in
When I tell Halston my plans for the next few months, his expressionis going to be this
This would be the biggest swerve in wrestling history. You working with The Shield.Those people destroying Punk and Heyman
It's called drowning. Tell me something I don't know. You can diefrom drinking too much water
You guys are so corny! Ha get it? Because the dog’s nickname is... Ahh fuck it
Whatever you see us spending, it's okay, we can afford it.  Besides, we aren't going to be ableto bring it with us
Merch u can. And go talk to that little bitchthat wants to fuck with you
That weird feeling when you have headphones in your ears andyou think someone is calling you
You think I'm playing, I'm done. On stone, I'm not fixing to keeparguing with you bitches, damn
Right, ran the script with a straight face to the police. That devil female genitaliaturned him the fuck out
Fuck that. You win some, you lose some. And this time, shit, I lostthe love of my life
I know why she is mad and I hate it. I wish there was a way I could save her. I hatehoes that make her mad
The women love sosa.  Who is sosa? What is a cobra ? Is that The same as a gun
They say that Dick Clark has a Rocking New Year's Eve, but I know that GreaterHarvest is rocking right now
I really don't care who you know. I'm just telling you what you look like.I'm sorry if I sound rude
I keep telling you my answer but you don't listen. I don't think it registers with you, but if you don't wantme around, fine. I always told you
You and Phadera should sit down and talk. You were very good friends. Don't let the money, or a tape,or the fakes come in between
That's a text I'm not looking forward to. One of my former students lost his battle with a rare muscle diseasetoday. Condolences to his family
I am done with dealing with a individual that is not mine because that chapterof my life is over
And the final reason you know God is keeping you is becauseyou woke up this morning
I'm having intimate relations with your significant other. However, we never had sex, sheonly gave me a blowjob
My Bitch said \"Boy, you got a shoe fetish you do not have to buythem because they come out.\
The quiz posted for next week isn't due until Saturday at midnight, but I'm an over-achiever. I'm doing it rightnow at the bar - how funny
If you hustle, you still have to have a nine to five job to keep law enforcement off yourass and them thirsty hoes.
Congratulations! You will be a beautiful bride! I still need to get to Atlanta for a visit. I'm going todo better in 2013. Laughing out loud
However, I dated someone who would never let me pay, but he was very possessive. So I agree, youbenefit more by offering sometimes
I need to put my damn case on my phone. My iPhone is like a newborn.
But it will all work out in your favor in the end if they really are your friends! Just focuson you; being beautiful
Black person, you say you want to take a ride! Get in! I grew up on theother side! Getting it in
Aw, I wish and would love to. I so need to. I was so scared. After that wreck, it affectedmy road trips. I miss you
I still have endless bottles of trashy peach Amsterdam left. I'm laughing out loud. Yes, you had endlessbottles left. I'm over there
Dang friend, I want to be like you when I grow up. That's funny. What troubleare you all getting into in Atlanta
\"Remember Mer soccer game?\" Yeah, I used to be mad as shit outthere. You were too wild
Let the truth be told! I hope you enjoyed the first episode; it was great. I'm gladyou are coming into your own
Tore my ACL in my back, my back is fried from trying to lifta rack of clothes
How funny, my man! Big Dante, how is it going? Send me thosevideos. I'm laughing - I need your number again
That’s good to hear, but it just hits me whenever I have the same number. Awe, look at this. I’m laughing my ass off!
I'm spending money. That's why I'm looking for money. You better hope he didn't run to you. I don't give a fuck. I'll commit murder.Some of you people rap like..
Heavy D eating the chicken right out the grease, shut the fuck up. Talking about you did that, laughing my ass off. That shit burnt theroof of my mouth, shaking my fucking head
And a stylish black person comes third because he may not have any money, but he can still attract themost attractive woman in the building
You allowed Lil Wayne have sexual relations with you, in that case you should consider me as well for 1200when I receive my taxes
You bitches are going into the nail salon looking like sheep.You're going to come out looking like goats. I'm laughing my fucking ass off
People tell me I can draw. What the fuck. This is a damn stick figure. They tell me, \"This is the best oneever!\". I say, \"shit.\" They respond, \"Fuck you.\
Josh wilson checks out of the game in his head but his team helped him to cheat. I got the guy tripped up on the court and the ball went                                                         pasr his head and I died laughing
I don't want to know you so when I have time to think i don'tthink about yo
This Chief Keef CD might be the CD of the century, I swear! A future mix tape will be betterwith Chief Keef's voice
So that's funny. So you are trying to be fake on twitter? Laughing my ass off. Don't denyyour love for me. Burst out fucking laughing
We are getting very old, I remember when we were 9 like it was yesterday when we didn't have any worrie
\"I used to be like you in Highschool, emotional, hyper, sexuallyconfused\" \"I'm not sexually confused!\
You don't understand my struggle. I was a tall kid. I was solddreams. You were, though. Shaking my head
My computer was malfunctioning and wouldn't play but I'll listen to itBefore I leave for wor
Raven, that would have been your last fight. I don't know what type of bitch you think I am butbaby, I'm far from scared
That's why he came back but, laugh-out-loud, he loved you more, laugh-out-loud, and no, Boo, now that we're together, he doesn't email or Tweet anybody,laugh-out-loud, you're mad he left
I'm rolling on the floor laughing my fucking ass off. This kid is screaming, \"Do your dance on my dick. Oh, baby I love it!\" I'm laughing at my mom saying,\"Kid, shut the fuck up.\" I'm dying laughing
My classes for this semester all seem to have the potential for me to get an A. I just have to keep focused.
Laughing out loud, the main one of these whores is tripping. Original gangster, she said she'll fuck my black person to make me mad. That's what I wanther dumb ass to do anyway
Oh my gosh, yes! The rain and cold weather has keptme from the band room
Lord help us. Well, if so, it won't be in my room. Ilike silence while I'm sleeping
I had to stop smoking marijuana, I was not getting any more of a high from it and I have had a higher high from it Understand that, hahahaha nearly overdosing
I swear, I hate stuck up people that act like they’re better than everybody else. I’m shaking my fucking head.
I'm talking to my friend about the whole situation and he'smaking me feel better
I'm off work! Tomorrow I have a friend that is visiting andI'm off work tomorrow! Where are the girls!
Don't judge me. You can't handle half of what I've dealt with. There's a reason I do the things I do. There's a reasonI am who I am
I had to change my avatar because I had a bottle in my hand. Idon't even drink anymore
It's funny how people only pray and go to church during hard times, andstop when things are all good
Can't wait to get off. 5 o'clock, come on. Me and my friend are going to get some good food and drinksand talk some shit. That's funny
I was thankful for all of that because I feel more smiles in 2013 that are bigger and wider.
What is going on? Alicia Keys and Beyonce will sing the National Anthem soon during the half time show.My TV will be muted
This is the end of week four, so you should have $10 saved. Nextweek, you will save $5
I’m the newest member of the clothing brand. 2013 stay tuned. Drawing crews next week. Check out to preview.
Man, you're lying. I haven't seen you since July 6th, 2011, soI know you're exaggerating. I'm laughing
I miss you everyday, I want to be with you.  But, you're away, I am really missing you. But, if I got with youwould I still feel the same
I'm giving what's giving to me, either my all or you'rejust another face in th
By my side I swallow my pride. Your love is complete. It knocks me right off my feed. I can’t explain why your love makes me weak.
Public Service Announcement: ion has nothing to do with anything. That doesn't concern me.I have never been the type to talk
What the fuck. If it's on my page, you must have been watching me and carrying on about something I said.It isn't in my tweets
War, Prejudice, Molesters, Liver-n-Onions, Nuclear Weapons, Parents Fighting, Taking Naps  andthe very thought of death.
\"Who wants to go out to eat with me? My treat!\" Now Tuh Puh can't pass up the 99
I saw you on WW magazine today; you are a classy lady. Congratulations for making the Ebony cover;it is beautiful
I'm awake and watching the NBA on TV. This player Isaih is as boring as hell. He needs to stick to coaching or beinga GM or something
It must be hard for women that know they deserve better, but can't tell when a guy is playing aroundor just needs some space
People must be smoking weed or crack cocaine. Choke on my gunsmoke. Let's get back to the music.I don't concern myself with that
That’s how I felt when you asked me how I spent all $50 of your money in Greek Village.
Maybe one day I will post one of my written works to show you all the more intellectual sidenot just my stupid one
Okay, so he got catfished. He asked the girl to come seehim after several phone conversations
Man, there is so much behind it. It's a long story. We'll talk tomorrow but I felt like I was letting mysorrows go on those weights
Chicks want to go to the club, get sloppy drunk, have random make out sessions, then wake up in the morning like theywant a relationship with you
I'm laughing out loud. I went two days without it. I ordered a new card. The same day, I went out drunk and felt it in my boot whenI was walking. I'm laughing out loud
Hey man whose house are you spending your time at and sitting on theirfurniture and whatnot hahah
People really need to run a mile at the gym. Take off. Drink lotsof water just to survive
This young boy within the salon just hit me, so Ipurposefully ruined his haircut, causing him to cry
What’s up? It doesn’t matter. What type of setup is the video game going to be in?Do you know yet?
I have a lot on my mind about what is in store for me this year and in the future. I've neverbeen excited like this
Happy Founder's Day to all the lovely ladies of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. Hope you all havea great day of celebration
The fact that I have some chills, and I almost fainted. I must be reallysick, this is not like me
If a woman is wearing a matching bra and panties set when she takes off her clothes, she knewshe was going to let you have sex with her
We as people should spend less time hating on the successful and more time trying to figure out what they did to get ahead
This little kid just said, \"I'm so disappointed mommy...\" Handson head and everything. I'm laughing out loud
Since you left me, make sure you don't come back anymore. I'm tired of waiting
My baby doesn't feel good, so that means no rest forMommy. Pray she feels better soon
My daughter is having a temper tantrum about not being able to have any candy all day. It informs me thatI have made the correct decision
I can't relate to this shit, though. I don't know how tomake cocaine. I don't know a Cuban
Black people don't understand that they need to stop trying to be about that life, because being about thatlife can get you six feet under
When men say incompetent things in order to receive attention on twitter, can we just label it as a \"?\" Yes? No
How do you stop five black men from raping a whitewoman? Throw them a basketball.
So I'm at this juke joint and they played the song when Dariusand Nina were Chicago stepping
Thundercats, I'm so lost on the $200 date origin, I'm not sure if you'respewing truth or sarcasm, laugh-out-loud
Black people know they can pretend. That's why I wake up, say my prayers and act likefuck a black person, I'm 300
I'm about to sue the shit out of TLC for this dumb ass show. What the fuck is a professional Mourner? What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? Shaking my head.
It's actually a knock on those who do it while knowing they aren't.But yes, I'm happy now
Oh, my God; these bitches in here are talking about hair. Wish they would shut the fuck upand do some damn work
This morning in Sir Alex Ferguson's room. Wife says \"wake up it's already 7.\" Ferguson says\"What? they scored another one.\
I’m not a cocky guy, but I just feel like no one  can mess with me.
Either I'm imagining things, or a lot of people are choosing to date people who look like their uncle, their father, their mother, or their sister.  It's rather creepy, if you ask me
But I'm an Aquarius, so it's in our nature to want to bealone most of the tim
Seriously, Matt Schaub is not an accurate quarterback in myopinion. Just watch this game
This is your homie Six. I'm still streaming K104 all day, every day from DMI. Can I get a shout out!Play T. James, my gold
That moment when you take a pic of yourself and actually see what females are   talking about. I'm not conceited
And you stuck up women wonder why the so called ugly and/or fat women get all of the good men. It’s because they dont'expect their man to do everything.
When Kobe gets the ball, he needs to make one move and go. He shouldn't wait for the defense tomake his shot more difficult than it is
Too much salt will kill you! I guess that's why my critics keep bashing me. Laughing out loud. I never leave the housewithout my salt-proof vest
I can't believe this girl acted crazy like she did. And came upwith some false rumors
I don't know much about the career paths to get to the top in the law, but if it's been your dream, stickwith it and go after it har
I can't tell you much right now, homie, because Kobe and KD are playing, but you have to be encouraged and determined.Great success doesn't come easy
Question:  where is your fraternity card?  It is on layaway I did not payall my pledge fees ye
Walk?  Isn't that what they used to say years ago?No, I don't do that
You need to stop dividing your pictures into two's and three's.  I do not want to see thesame picture that many time
I'm an Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority member! I'm like, shaking my head, I could have sworn their signwas a pinky, but there's another way of knowing
What happened to \"The Game\", which was supposed to come on in January, no onewants to wait until March
I will never leave my phone with Shonaka or Tae again. They take a million pictures.
Tweeting and not texting back is the quickest way for me not to textyou back when you text me
Where are you hanging out? I’m confused and you, bitch, have yetto tell me you are here.
Don't allow your dreams to be shattered by a hater throwing rocks because they are afraidto chase their own dreams.
I think I'm going to go to the game tomorrow and I don't want anyone beggingme for free food
I need to get my ends clipped but no bitch is going toclip all of my hair off.
I'm laughing my ass off, girl. I was too drunk to even remember, though. WasI extra intoxicated or not
Tae has it so hot in here that my contacts are about readyto fall out of my eyes
Out getting my sister something to eat before she heads towork! That's sweet, Ju Ju
Oh, and shout-out to whichever damn Sigma that was outside my window yelling and woke me up out of my sleep, but it's your day   so go out, my black person
You boys are going crazy over these girls. Breaking windows and going to jail? Shaking my head.It sounds like some womanly shit
I hate the words they replace curse words with in BET movies. It makes me laugh. Thatshit doesn’t make sense.
Baby you're my everything, you're all I ever wanted, we can do it real big, bigger than you've ever done i
If I sell my old iPad for $200, I will contact you.I'll contact you about getting one
When people learn that I don't care about what they think of me, I swear they will be much better of
Laughing out loud, it will be an act of self defense and trust me, I will be the only one who will be able to tell myside of the story, laughing out loud
You all are killing me tonight. But wait, tae, what about the next day when you were deadas fuck with just straight black people
I know I’m tired, so I’m trying to go to sleep. Nobody had better call me becauseyou will only get my voicemail.
I agree with you Tosha. I think they are confused on who it was because there was only one person in the club that night who had a drink.The only person in the club with a drink that night was Tae
My fingers are itching, itching, itching for that paper. I am going around the city with my calculatorin my (future) voice.
His bitch really wants fame off my main name, not any money in that, laughat your down ass. Reblocked
Weird quote/thought of the day: \"The core of our ethics are theprinciples that define us.\" -wemac0
Dear females, if you try to fight a male don't be surprised if you get punched, because even though it'snot right, it can happen
When my daddy went to jail, none of his friends came around or helped me out when I was struggling. Soit's fuck those guys now
I really like hiphop music.  It's the music I enjoy most.  I just finished watching one of your old videos.  It was different than what you usually dobut it still feels current
Either you fuck with me or you don't. If I feel as though you don't I'm not going towaste my time or breath
Do you need a workout schedule or are you working all week? I'm off Tuesday and Friday! I forgot whatdays I get off early
Amen! Don't worry about that. If you believe in God He will answer your prayers and reward you.There is no other way.
Sleepy doc in the a.m., work in the p.m. Hair todo. Huh, busy day tomorrow
Happy Founders Day to the brothers of Blue Phi or as Icall them, my \"siggies!\
What is love? Most people have trouble telling others that they love them by just saying the words, I Love You.so if they can't say the words I love you, how does anyone know that they really feel it
But when I was in Julian senior year, motherfucker was going nuts over anipple, I'm talking about going nuts
Man, that place was super active. My friend Row brought them out. Shit was everywhere. Ifyou missed it, oh well
I’m so in love with this man. I love his smile, his swag, and his dreads. I’m yours. I love you.
I don't really trust humans that much these days. Hmm. Shit. The fact of the matter is, I trust dogsmore than I trust humans
I think she is trying to make me mad. Every time I see her, she says, \"Where is my best friend?\" I don't knowand I couldn't care less
I don't really have much going on, I was only going to go if this dude's doctorwas going to this meeting
I have a date tonight. It's with my bed, pillow, and the T. V. That still counts, right
Man, the Big Ten is the best conference so you can't be mad at these fools for losing, but theywait until the end. Shaking my head
Happy Centennial to all the Deltas I know. Shout out to the Deltason my yard, ZQ. Enjoy it
Let my people out of their chains, man. I mean handcuffs. Time to man up and put my hands up. What the fuck are you saying - because I'm a black man, I'm a phantom
Where is the girl Black China? Tell her I'm looking for her and my future voice,cracking the fuck up! She wants head
I can't express what I feel for you! I'm glad I'm bringing this year inwith you! Love you, Superma
I'm cracking the fuck up. She is a scary-ass bitch! That dick made her have respect! Hey
Anthony old grizzly bear-looking ass just got through hibernating, now fixing to eat the houseup, fucking pig
I need to find out what places are hiring. Being at home, doing nothing isn't for me
Now all I really need when this goes off is some food, soda, a good movie, and my man on myphone screen via Tango
Some people call Justin Bieber a homosexual, but I don't think he is. They're jealous because of his voicebut he's not, haters
I haven't forgotten about you. I have just been sick as fuck and youknow how people are
My best friend lost his grandmother, he could not figure out why should would want him to stay with her these last fewdays, he just cried right there
\"If you don't design your own life plan, chances are you will fall into someone else's plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.\"  Jim Rohn quote.
I feel like shit, but talking to my boyfriend, it made my daymuch better. I love him
No, because we are going to cut your finger off and fry them.Fuck you motherfucker - so be prepared, Homes
Watching the Rose Bowl, I like Ball and Phillips. That quarterback caught my eye versus OSU. Played a good game. Ilike both as Patriots, in my opinion
Laughing my ass off at Dragon Ball Grand Tour. I've seen them all. Dragon Ball was drama, Dragon Ball Z was science fiction, and Dragon Ball Grand Tour was the characters with a bunch offree time on their hands
If you have to argue and fight over your man, he was neveryours to begin with
Do you want me to come or not? Direct message me your number.I don't have my phone
Ray is of the greatest players, one of the best defenders of all time! Even today, he is able to play with the best ofthe other players if so wished to do so
I'm looking at my baby sleeping, thinking \"Oh baby, your body is so amazing. It drives me crazy. I'm about to wake you up, girl. Iwant to have sex with you!\
Only team that won their wild card game on the road?! You've already provedyour point! Get that win
Don't even overreact, motherfuckers on Twitter insult sneakily and these whores act likes it's a joke. Bitch,I'll kill you, goofy
I call it the Charlie Batch disease. I’m laughing. Didn’t he have red flags in the draft? He's ok now, butif it keeps happening, I don’t know.
Randy Moss a good idea, but I wouldn't tell you to get Reed. I think the defense isfine. They've found the formula
If he/she is who makes you happy, stay happy. Make good memories because once he or you fucks up, you're going to wish you had heror him back
I think Chris Bosh needs to have the most shot attempts every night. Lebron should get five assists to him every game. Is that fair?
Swaggering hit man, I think I'm A.Goff riding with two bitches and my bluntsare going to make you cough
Good Morning! I am sending a special thanks to everyone who was in attendance last nightfor the first show recording
Get your mind right. Open mic night tonight, 9pm at the Purple Cafe (3964 Government Bld, Mobile, AL). We are featuring D5. The event is hosted by Huggy Bear.The event is hosted by Huggy Bea
Open Mic TONIGHT! Purple Cafe, 3964 Government Blvd, Mobile, AL, featuring Huggy Bear the Poet! Guest HostToo Loose, $7 admission. 9pm sharp
Get your mind right. Open mic is tonight at The Purple Cafe at 9pm featuring Mz CarriMail. It’sErotic Night! Bring extra panties!
I'm just waking up and it's almost time to get ready for work. I'm shaking my head.I'm thinking of calling out of work - how funny
Abby while watching \"Walk the Line\" (again): \"Did Elvis, Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis all tour together? Why wasn’t I alive   then?\" My daughter is cool
Love is not finding a hand that perfectly fits yours. It's finding the one who is willing to hold your hands no matterhow unfit it may be
\"How I need you, how I need you. Oh, Jesus, walk with me.\" This is my  prayerfor today and for this year
\"As a father, you are not first a disciplinarian. You are a discipler. Mom, your main role is not to makemeals, but to make disciples.\
You're one bitch-made black person, pussy ass black person. Fuck around and get knocked down. That'show we play it, black person
My best friend is mad at me becaue I told her the truth about this bum ass nigger bitch its my place to tell you to throw his ass to the waste side
I'm tired at work and I need to go home; if I didn't love my job Iwould have called in sick
See, you're the type of bitch a black person doesn't marry. You come with too manyproblems and it's not right
I think I'm the only one coming back on Monday like a retard.I should change that. I'm laughing out loud
I would enjoy seeing him come back to the WWE to piss in the face of people who don't like tobe cool.  Spitting is gross
Hahaha! I will admit it, I am. But I am able to guarantee you he is twice as worse off as I am. I can ascertain that you are not posturing right now you bigcry baby, that is beyond a normal level of whipped
You like me. You like me. You hate me. You hate me. But just know I’m going to always be me regardless.
Family is going to be with you forever. I'm going to hold myself down, I think I know whatI did wrong here
Who cares how you haters feel? I still have my money! Oh, all I see isdollar signs, money in mind
This weekend I need to get my hair and eyebrows done! I've been too drunk and lazy.Time to get it together
When a man wants you by his side day in and day out, it says a lot. Spending time ismy favorite part
You’re the one that I dream about all day. You’re the one that I always think about!
People are hilarious. They scream, \"I like bad bitches\" and their mothers look like a pennywith a hole in it. I'm laughing
Just joking! I just heard that guy say that I don't lie to anyone.He's one of a kind
I would let anyone I dated confront her! She accused me of a lotof things I wasn't doin
I guess we are just going to ignore that unattractive woman?  This interaction on twitterhas been very entertaining.
We do not believe that in this country freedom is reserved for the lucky orhappiness for the few. Ame
It’s crazy how much I like my ex-boyfriend, butI can’t tell him. I hate it so much.
Ugh. It's been a long time coming, babe. He just called to seehow I have been
A bunch of people are jumping on the Notre Dame band wagon tonight because they're either tired of Alabama winning the BCS Championship or they are Auburn fans
You should know I got suspended. I did not throw a punch, however. I just askedher to come outside.
The eye is the window of the soul. If the eye is dark, great is the darkness. Dispel the darkness.Let the light shine in
I swear, man, if it isn't one thing it's another. This shit is trulygetting on my fucking nerves
Sometimes I wish I could read your mind to find outhow you feel about me
There is a hole in the glass at the hockey stadium.The NHL will need to replace it soon
I wish someone will be kind to take me to themovies to see \"Mama.\
Whores are acting like they're not whores. I'm like, what the fuck,whore! Shaking my head
I guess everybody thought that it would be alright to go out andleave me here
Me and Dazy are going to have matching bathing suits but mine is going to be pinkor black, or pink and gray
Watching the first Power Rangers movie with my babies. I love watching movies that I used to watch when   I was little with them
Ha ha, I don't watch it at work. I'm talking about at home. I'm not a paramedic but I   do work at the hospital
I do not think I am going to go out this weekend. I am just going tostay in and do some homework
You are so right, kid. Make sure you treat your girl right because good girlsare hard to come by
I'm seeing Vicki tonight! I love her and Tyrina and Toya andJasmine and Krystal! They are all crazy
You know what? I'm being nice today, so instead of insulting you I'm justgoing to say, \"good day sir.\
Please keep my mother within your prayers as she goes underfor surgery in the morning
If I could explain the misery, I would write a song, wait Iforgot that I suck at music
You wouldn't bet on the other guy if youknew what I already know
If you had to choose between keeping your girlfriend or winning the lottery, what kind of car would you buyfirst?  Would it be a green sun fire
I'm still trying to understand Rihanna and Karruache's role with Chris... To me, both just play their roles and allare happy in the end
My hair is in great shape right now. Excuse me if I go about mybusiness like I feel good
It's quite awkward when people say \"I'm going natural now\", however I am aware my hair will not be straight like yours\". Me: Yes, itis possible! Them: It will not. Me: Oh
Keep the timeline up in the left corner, press menu, then scroll andyou will see log out
Miss you too, Soon, very soon I can see you! And no babysitting ( you know whatI mean) it's your birthda
I love Huck! But every time you seem to like someone on the show, they end up doingsomething that blows you, laugh-out-loud
I love Olivia but hate her role as being a mistress. Cyrus is one of my favorites, too, but he irks me tooat the same time! That’s funny!
Something has to give. All I smell when I walk away from lunch is piss and cigarettes. I’m so disgusted with outside right now.
You would all certainly enjoy it if you are a player our age and up. You are able to create your ownteam or you can join an already existing team
It is absolutely gorgeous today. I’m feeling like spring has arrived early, but of course this weather will be ice cold soon.
Only the Lord knows what I would do to have you laying next to meand our son right now
Yes, I agree with that, but for the winter I can deal with it, at least it's not snow.Same here, business as usual
It's snowing and sticking, I hope I get home beforeit gets too dark and slippery
CAt's eyes might be the only bar downtownevery night. PRove me wron
Oh, Jesus. I’m ready for whatever. I’m tired of these negros having no training that are living paycheck to paycheck!
Hmmm. Do you think so? Can a woman be too busy and single notto let it bother them
At peace with not obtaining a life goal? I guess, man. But everyone goes about shit differently.(I'm a testament to that.
I see what Thibs is doing though; he's trying to temper expectations because his career is tied toRose. I just hate the pessimism
Pre '07, in Chicago there were no brothers made under 30. I was denied membership for threefucking years, but I persevered
No diss to the good brother Josh either, but he came in a whole year before and didn't get shit to pop...We had the city on fire
We were not saying, \"Fuck youtube.\" We traveled, talked to people, and got to know those people
Yes, she is ridiculous like her mother and should mind her own business!They will work it out
Wait a minutes. This Cassie \"Indie\" track is pretty dope. Solangehelped her make a hit.
Why do critics eat beans for dinner? So they can takea bubble bath, hahaha. Critic
I am so happy when I wake up from a bad dream because they feel too real
Man, I haven't been on Twitter in a long time letme see what's going on
Why did my friend just Tweet \"Are you Jewish? Because you are giving me a look like you wish this peniswas in your mouth.\" Laughing my mother fucking ass off.
Laughing my ass off. I am going to bed. Shit really just blew me to the maximum. I cannot help but laugh because, of course it will endup being flipped on me.
Special Sunday shout-out to the old church lady with the see through suit on. P.S. I like the way your stockings double up as abra too, stupid sexy, that's funny
I am going to post this and turn off Twitter. It is so frustrating that everyone says this, yet know nothing. I hope he gets better.
Sometimes I think you were raised on a farm, because you should know howto raise a cock. Laughing my motherfucking ass off.
I think I will  have to make that one phone call, andlet my boyfriend know what is going on
When I get lonely, I enjoy scrolling romantically through yourtimeline because you're so sexy
At your best you are love. You are a positive, motivating force within my life. And if you feel the need toask why, let me know
I wish I could visit California, When I get my income tax refund  I will go On a vacation. Maybe we can arrange a time to see each other
Excuse me miss, but you need to stop being so damn sexy. Damn, I forgot whatI was going to post. Laugh out loud.
I can't wait to meet up with my boys, and at this PG-Hueytown Basketball game! Going to bea good Friday coming soon
Because you all keep hollering. FSU, they beat Clemson, whose only legitimate win was against Georgia, who is notwhat we thought they were.
I had my gum blessed by an angel this morning. I'm going to chew thesleeves off of this gum, haha
I am amazed, I just downloaded and watched what I missed last night. Besides, thisis my new favorite show
Its a beautiful night to have a beautiful dream. If I dream about that sexy girl, doesn't thatmake you my dream girl
Here's how I see it: even the people who don't like me actually love me. Do you know? Because they enjoy it. They don't like me. Continuing disliking me.
We need to have a fingernail day. Actually, I don't need myfingernails done, just my toenail
See, I don’t know if it’s because we don’t go to the same schools or our lives are changing. It’s likeour communication is all fucked up.
If you have something to say about my child, tell me and not the Internet because bitches,you need your asses beat
There are 25 people on the flight. My snoring will definitely be noticable.It is time to sleep, goodbye
Hey? Why do these guys act like they are too good to be promoters? I have never understoodthat... They make a lot of money.
I swear to God, I was just thinking, \"Is that why Dae Dae calls me that,laughing my ass off?\" So you are just understanding.
What's up, rappers? Are you all still shooting hoops with me today? My mom made ox tail andcook-up rice. No pressure
I have all these damn drugs inside me, baby. They have me feeling likeI'm going into a matrix
He's never with any other woman, acting like he's cool. Because there's levels to this shit andshe could never be me
I want people to understand that I go crazy because I hate weak and raggedy bitches, not so much raggedy, buthow they carry themselves
You kiss me on the lips at night and tell me how much you love me. You hold me close andnever let me be lonely
I remember my past and how I used to let shit disappoint me quickly. But now, I am like, \"Fuck it. Shit, I have cash that counts. No big deal!\
Our world studies teacher is crazy for giving us this paper to write. It's due tomorrow! I'll write it butI'll just do it at school
Sitting here reflecting on how good God is! August has left us, but guesswhat? I have no complaints
My mom's food is so good, it is a guaranteed fact that it will make you feel some typeof way and fall asleep
Once I began to believe what the \"Word of God\" says about me,my life began to change
I am ready to punch the motherfuckers in their throat. Oh my science! That is why I am alwaysquiet. I am bipolar. Age, sex, and location
Since I didn't go to school today, I guess I'll lay back down till I can find myself something interesting to go do
Just have to deal with everything and pray to get through it. You cannever go wrong with praying
Oh, okay. I will try that out. Well, how do I ask for it if it isnot on the menu? Laugh out loud.
I am quiet but I just ride with it. The moment I stop having fun withit, I'm done with it.
It is all in fun, though. Everybody knows that light-skin chicks withthin mustaches have fat asses.
I'm not the most handsome guy but damn, bitch, I just said hello. Fuck,you're mean. It's my job
Lmfao (Laughing my f***ing ass off)... Magnanimous, N**** almost made me find a dictionary. I said \"screw it\",and just used context clues
That moment when you walk past Victoria Secret, and a lady is purchasing underwear,then you both make eye contact
Hello, I'm doing well. I've just been behaving myself and staying out of trouble. How are youand your wife doing
Hairy vaginas are not meant to have cunnilingus preformed upon it. You can have sex with it though, don't turn it down completely
But for me and Noelle to be eating Krispy Kreme donuts this time ofnight. Laugh out loud. We are so fat.
A guy is never around when he's on top! But he will do everything in his power to bringyou down when he's down.
and how long ago was that? I'm laughing hysterically. I been since I could remember now...I could shed a tear I'mso happy for you. I'm laughing
I just woke up from a nap.  I really don't know howI fell asleep that fast
I saw you handling that money today, in \"you know where\" early today... That's funny... Same shit man, one thing only. Girls are lookingfor someones money
Coach Trestman is just what the doctor ordered for my Bears! We owe Minneapolise for that crappy loss to themlast year. Let's go, Bears
I think you'd be lucky to get $5000, but even then, what car would you get that's better thanthe one you have now
Attention: All Mets fans send out Tweets as much as possible for Cuban. 1: Be Jose Abreu thisoffseason. 2: Become a Met
I know you have seen me texting his dad. You are wrong for acting that way and I hope you will reconsider.I hope you know what you are doing
Why the fuck would you call him motherfucker? I just said he did not put itIn there, damn, just shut the fuck up.
Andruz and Kinsler signed for the longterm. I will give you Travis d'Arnaud and Cesar Puello for SS Jurickson Profa
Today calls for relaxation, pampering, and eating. A lot. And sleeping morethan three hours at night
Hey, my girl, my girl, she loves me. She hits me all the time, my phone is ringing off the hook
What do you know about stuffing bands in a cereal box? Telling children; \"Let me know if yousee cops on the block.\"
Honestly, I really don't give a fuck about what you think of the music I like. Yeah, I guess I'm lame because I don'treally like 2 Chainz? What the fuck
To the people that talk to me the most, quote this with the funniest thing that I've ever said
Bitch, I fucking hope you do. You'll be a dead son of a bitch,I'll tell you that! I'm laughing
Marriage isn't for you. You don't have to marry to make yourself happy, you marryto make someone else happy
I believe in the millions of possibilities in this world, but pleasingeverybody isn't one of them
Marriage isn't for yourself, you're marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense,but for your future children
I'll do all day if I could. Put a lumber jack onand give you the wood
People have 20/20 vision when it comes to you're problems, but they're as blind as RayCharles to their own bullshit
If another person says I look like Ceaser from \"Black Ink\" Im going tosmack the shit out of them
I swear that if we win this bowl game, it's going to by intimidating towhoever we play against, I promise
You see this: \"Hey, mar, my baby, I miss you.\"\"I miss you too.\
I worked the whole summer and have nothing to show for it. I had topay taxes with all of it
I don't have anything. I just have something in the wayof me going up there
I didn't get to go to waffle House or Ihop last night so what I'm going to do is make my own breakfast now
Somebody stole my jacket, I'm scared to tell my mom. Hey, wow,how did you lose it
I woke up in some new vagina, he woke upbleeding thinking; \"Who shot me?\"
I forgot all about \"Ask.FM\", but \"Go Ask Me Stuff\", I just put the link backin my bio, Soo Go
I'm thankful for all the celebrities and non-celebrities I have interacted with over social media the past several yearsyou guys inspire me constantl
Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition youhave encountered, and the courage
I don't trust anybody, so when you earn my trust, pleasedon't screw up and break it
You have proved time and time again that you do not give a shit and that you are too good to over here. So just saythe fuck where you are at.
Today I feel like Oscar the Grouch... looking for the nearest trash can to hide in until 5pm.
I think I saw the meteor too, but I thought itwas a stunt fro
I am not impressed with people at all. I am so tired of them treating you like that. They only talk to you when they need something
I swear, college is useless. I am done with that shit unless it's freeand I'm taking golf classes.
ok I get off at 2:30 so I can come wash ifyou don't have any plan
Everything on sale... They are about to charge the doors. I just hope nobodytries to steal anything. *shaking my fucking head\
That dumb bitch just said damn, Tyga was texting Gucci earlier. You dumb bitch Tyga on the WestCoast... I'm shaking my head, I'm done
Hell yeah, or he isn't going to make it out. He is going to killhimself if they corner him
Dude is an informer on another guy at work, then somebody tattles right on them and then theyare frustrated, hahaha
Damn, are you alright? I thought you hung yourself after yesterday. Boy, you lost to a bitch, you are some shit for real
If you are trying to sell an iPhone, call your community \"CARRYOUT\", theywill really enjoy that shit
All I see on Instagram, is pictures with quotes talking about; \"People this, people that\". I'mabout done with that shit
There are student loan people following me so closely, they have my first pair of shoesin their rear view mirrors
I can't drink because I have a scrimmage tonight, I will be cursing out the kids and will be arguing withthe dumbest coaching staff ever
I'm not rude if I call my boyfriend and  wake him up, because hewill do it to me too
Don't mess with me. I used your own tactics to catch you in your liesand you can't stand it. I don't give a fuck
I already know when I talk to him he will have somewords for me
I need to go wash, I don't have a clue of what I'm putting on. Oh my fucking god, I have too many damn clothes, and always sayingI don't have any lies
Because I didn't know he called, and I don't have a missed call. That tripping spazzing stuff, I'm notfor it tonight at all
I'm so used to being lonely. It's not funny but a learning lesson. I need to be with people whowant to be with me.
Good morning; we wish you all a wonderful Monday. May God's blessings, mercy, and grace be with you. Holy Spirit, go out beforeus in Jesus' name. Amen
Why do we have to steal my saying though? \"Slow dancing is how you catch feelings.\" I said thatsame exact thing last night
I didn't try to hold your hand, dude. I held that shit, just likehow I grabbed that ass
Visit schools, you need to understand what is happening on the ground inorder to lead sustainable change
Wow! Lilacs and champagne at Metro, one of the best shows I've seen Jazz metal? And westill have Grails to go
Someone should upload a video stream of a what a cat does 24/7 as filmed through a go-pro camera attached to the cat.They would become an internet sensation
Do you care? Do you love it? You answers should be \"no\", and \"yes\", respectively;if you are Icona Pop
I can't wait to open up my own store. My boyfriend will be home soon andwe are going to be successful together
Man, it's hot as shit out here! I see why I normally sit in my car when I'm onehouse away from the bus stop
I was warned long ago by your friends! Shaking my head. Yeah, change soon! You act crazy because you're emotional.Shaking my head. Really, who does that
Who would want to buy the tape of Rocko running and Guwop kicking him in the ass. With my shoes on, haha.\"I want $250,000\" I'm laughing so hard
Then I got with the Jazz, Bear, and Larry, and won unlimited chips. I was the manas a pup. Facebook, huh
The tilapia looked amazing and I was so hungry. Wow you really need to calm down
You all do know guys are doing cuffing season for their 10th year straight is doing thisall the fuck wrong, right
Maybe I am looking at Cuffing season all wrong though. Maybe it is supposedto be a revolving door
It depends on how you meet me. I simply do not care about a lot of stuff that most do. So itcan appear as \"chill\".
It's crazy how common practice it is for people to exaggerate their height, like 90percent of people do it
Every person then taught something to a woman that she transferrred to her new boyfriend. Youdeserve nothing from those lessons
I don't think Ye is gay. I think he's just animmature little guy with talent..
and be honest, do YOU like a guy that would bethat passive and allow that
sorry Sheem, I'm over 6 feet and I never had to jump throughhoops...I only dunk alley oops
I hate you white acting degree fellow African Americans.  Why even brag about it?  Shitwhere my degree is located
So a Church lady just asked me on the train if I attend strip clubs.   I justmoved seats away from her
I don't know how it happened. But heroin is now back on the scene inChicago in a big way.
You guys with no experience, expecting six figures out of school? Blowme... Who sold you all these dreams??
Riding your girlfriend on handle bars on your way to a date looks more dum. I could notsnag the pictures in time.
Package Bossman... I think that was the 90s, he was in the Louand ESTL skating rinks, hahaha
You all better not be giving ANY money to a mog with gray hair playing on buckets next to the road!
If anyone is looking for a good furnace installer for a cheap price let me know.I have contact info for someone
I am going to speak to this person who works at Lowes once I am finishedwith my responsibilities
Man, I haven't worn a pair of Wheat/Brown Timberlands in a long time. Ilove that they're coming back in style
I think 2014 will be the year of the Mistress based off of the waywomen celebrate Olivia Pope..
That was a great show tonight! Do you think that you can send the furniture backwith Dr. Phil? These ottomans..
Haha, I'm 23, so its not forbidden to say for us. I remember Kemba Walker said it after the UCONNchampionship win. I was surprised
I'm just attracted to rough as men, I love a man that's about it, but still know'show to treat his old lady
They do not really want to get with us. They say they want to get with us, theydo not want to get with us
Man, you should have told me you so I could have given you your 101class, *laughing out loud*. *laughing out loud* I should have
\"I hate everything about moving.\" \"Yes, me too.\" \"The freaking worst.\" It will beover before you know it
109 is hard. \"Yes, God. How do you get up there so fast?\" I amaddicted and now I am stuck.
If you know that you are better than the new girl that he's dating, go ahead and tell him now that he's going tomiss me when I'm gone
The thing that caught my eye is the same thing thatmakes me change my mind
Getting my hair cut soon. I need that contact. I am going to need you to meet me in your dorm. Ihave to ask you something. Okay okay
I have been in the bad part of town gathering this money up! I miss my favoritetwins... Are you all still around \"Bmore\"?
I have so much hope in a person. In reality, they will never change! I'mnot wasting my time with it
I need help, my phone keeps powering off on it's own and I need instructionson how to fix it, help me please
Just to let you know if you are ever having an orgy with a woman and other men are there don't ever be the person getting oral sex performed on you by the woman, because the oral sex is going to be of poor quality due to the fact thatthe woman is going to be getting screwed
So you're going to tell me that by being a gentleman and the man my mother raised me to be,I paid for the pussy
I just finished watching Sleepy Hollow. It's scary and funny at the same time. It's likeyou are on a rollercoaster ride.
Why is he able to make me so angry and then make me fall back in love with him again? Is that what people mean when they talk about an emotional roller coaster? I can't believe it
I'm happy for the Jets. They are going to need all the helpthey can get this season
Why do Rebulicans always want to shut down the government? They are complainers and cannot stand to fail. The ACA is great for a lot of people and their finances
Today was really good. I'm so happy to be alive and well. I'm really grateful for all the many thingshe has done for me!
My daughter washed the dishes for some cash. Once she got paid, she said, \"I'mrich and I'm getting richer!\"
If you can't afford to fill up your gas tank at least once every twoweeks, don't buy an SUV
I am about to finish cooking on the grill, and then I'm going to relax with my wife andmy daughter and watch my girls
For example, you see code words they use to talk to their man or howthey hide who you are
Man, if I have roommates, I would make sure sex sounded like a murder scene. Forget beingrespectful, you are going to hear that
I wish I was on this show. I'm into Marvel and are one of thebiggest nerds in Indianapolis
The only people that I owe any loyalty to are those people whonever made me question their loyalty to me
I have three children and I promised them we will not live here forever. I would rather die. I don't want to have to go back on my words
Take me for who I am, if you do not like itsuck my dick. Well, damn
These Vegas stories are wild as fuck! She said she was dipping chickenfingers in ranch butterball, naked
Oh well, Sneaker Con was fun. Look Lounge is where youall should go tonight
I am going to be getting a lot of sex this week since Government workers don't have jobs. I feel like a 18 year old on Fall Break!
I'm not acting too crazy. I'm just going to watch and see how this develops. (I sit back, kick my feetup, and put my hands behind my head.
My little freestyle. You are an okay rapper, but I am not snitching. You just made the man hairlook better than your bitches.
Oh no! I'm not going tomorrow because I have to go to theeye doctor who dances like Carlton
He was rapping and when he arrived home he saw all of his belongings.They were on the porch
Some of the most ugly bitches or guys I have ever seen in my life were light skinned. So shut the fuck up with all that \"darkskinned people are ugly\" shit
Do you want to get blocked? Reply to my Tweet with a mixtape, song or a video. I will fucking jump throughthis screen on your ass
Okay, next time I go to a meeting, I am handing thatblack man a bottle of lotion.
Parents ask to ask se my twitter. I said okay, I will ket you in a minute I log out of twitter and delete the applicatio
I'm laughing; I've been trying for about three months to make him see it, but her never noticedit. So I just stopped trying
Meek Mill raps like he just ran from the cops and he is explainingwhat just happened. That is so funny.
Meek Mill raps like somebody ate his leftover food in the fridge but they are allsaying they didn't do it
Meek Mill raps like somebody keeps cutting him off in themiddle of his sentence. I'm laughing so hard
Hey, I know all you dudes heard that \"Pop Don't Stop\" song byFrenchy Montana. What are you dancing with
So, you can ignore me and go with the same people? Let mespare my own feelings.
I hope tomorrow will hurry up and get here. I can't eat or drink after midnightit is going to kill me
I'm just wondering why you have a Kentucky blue bike. They didn'thave a red one. That's funny.
I just lost respect for Dicky V. Calling Arian Foster a prostitute?Bad choice of words, Vitale
I'm not sure if he's smoking. He denied it! But crack doesn't care who smokes it. People haveseen the effects for years
Yes, it's super sad, especially when I see people who used to sell it smoking it, friendwhere did you go wrong
I am wondering, what am I doing? What directions I need to take. Ready for Godto reveal somethings to me
I didn’t ask seven. I figured she wasn’t interested, but I texted nine and she may have to work. She travels a lot.
Good morning. It's far too early for me to deal with your issues, I am a grown man and I do not feel like dealing with all of this immaturity soin that regard, I would request you that you stop
I think I'm coming down with the flu. I hope I don'tend up in someone's ER
I swear, all I do is fucking work. I would killto have one Saturday off
I mean, you try to fuck any guy's girl, but if a guy likes too many of your girl'sstatus updates, you get upset
I have nothing against Alabama and Nick Saban. I can count on Saban. He is the type of coach who would say\"let's play ball, don't worry about anything else\"
I don't give a fuck what a bitch or a man think and fuck all that bullshittalking because your breath stink
Yesterday, I would have seen two boxes, but two days ago I saw the twoeye stepping my game up.
I really need a monster combination in my life! Focus on thosebands that make you dance
I love you, but if this shit wins the Oscar, you will thank me. Because you know the weirder the movie, the more likely it will win
I never liked Gucci. Now everybody can sees the \"Royal Flop Ness Monster\"! He has been bad, it shouldn't have taken his breakdownfor it to be known
Missed out on my whole first break because this woman was in here sharpeningpencils like it was her job
I miss hanging out with my boyfriend when it's fun and we don't argue. These are the timesI cherish the most
Then off to my friend's house. I got some beer. I am about todrink until I pass out.
When I went to L.A., it was 8 blocks of homeless people and BeverleyHlls was a block down... Shaking my head.
My hair is bogus. The gym really took its toll onit. It is sweated the fuck out.
Im about to do something big for Hip Hop in 2014. Just remember, \"Day of Destruction, Game Over\
I celebrated one year of sobriety on September 3rd. On October 6th, I'm giving back... Stay tuned fordetails. I understand the struggle
A lot of the rappers from the past are basically unsavory. I would mention names, but why should I givethem any notoriety? They are foolish
I hate when a bitch texts me and asks me when I'm going to come see her, and I say, \"You tell me,\" and she says, \"I don't know.\" Bitch, why the fuck did you text me?Whore, fuck, my whole day is ruined
I can't believe it when a whore's trying to handle the man's job and the relationship and her job at the same time. That's funny;no, her man's a bitch
It's crazy that people say that they have good sex, but two weeks later after fucking that friend, \"Yeah, she's a whore. Don't kissher because that's a whore.\
Women are claiming they are keeping thier boyfriend, but while he is not present, they are having sex with anythingin sight. We see you all
I went to sleep at 10, now I'm up, but I'm about toforce myself back to sleep
Ok, I'll go today. Do I have to use it before I style my hair or can Iput it on now
This show is exactly within the context of what you spoke on with another woman at anotherrestaurant or park. What the heck
\"World War Z\" was good. I didn't think it would end the way it did, but it's getting me really excitedfor \"The Walking Dead\"
I really need a vacation. I have not been to the beachat all this summer. What the fuck
Misa has always been cool. She is ahead of ehr time. She created \"Ghetto Fabulous\"says Steco Don from Diva Magazine
Yes! That's a very touching song, it gives me chills every time I hear it. I know big brother is smiling down on you, Rest in Peace, Mel.down on you, Rest in Peace, Mel
Those women are not nice and they know it. They are lame and they don't realize that they are ruining their lives.I knew exactly where we would find them.
This post. I heard there were 2 kids living that \"you only live once\" life at \"Electric Zoo\". You all betteract like Bran Nubian and
Dude, what the fuck, that's hilarious. \"If you fuck in church you don't need a condom.You're covered by the blood.\
Don't discriminate on us little folks. People under 5'5\" are shifty, have to keep an eye on themwhen they are around me
I am playing fantasy football with my job. I have the raven's defense and RayRice. I am getting points. Yes
I was in health/gym when they took the towers out, and my principal got on the intercom andgave a speech about terrorism
I will be in the gym getting it in, man... When its all said and done, Twitter and Instagram are just going to have to letme flourish in my nakedness
I talked to my student today about Grand Theft Auto V, and I must say his description regarding interacting with the game hasmade me want to play it
I just read the funniest description of Chief Keef. \"Keef, who has a mop top of noodling dreadlocks that hangpast his eye shaggy-dog style.\
That's funny; Bears fans harassed Tony D on Twitter, saying, \"Man, get\"your thoughts in order and believe.\
So, how many of you culture snob guys are going to change your opinionabout Yeezus afterseeing that interview now, huh
Hopefully, it's just the quality that threw me off, but he also should have waited until next year, especially afterhow great one was
European wine simply tastes different. I was over there for a month and a half and drank daily at random and neverhad any horrible tasting wine
It completely threw me for a loophole when it came to whatI thought was my preference.
Straight cooling, in relax mode. This CD is the truth. You have got down on this one. I lovekmichelle because she is so real.
Rest in peace, Antonio, I miss you. That stuff is crazy how you left so soon,save me a spot. 
Showing off for Twitter. That shit is so old, man you are going to be feeling some type of way when I say \"I'm donewith your goofy ass!\"
I know, they just accept the three million dollar contract, and give methe five hundred thousand they can't decide on
Whaf if I tell you that I love you but I’ve got other dudes, and when I’m not with you, I’m with my other MOVES.
Going through old direct message and shit on Twitter, thinking to myself; \"I wasa freak, haha\" back then
My favorite songs from Dreamgirls are; \"Move\", \"We Are A Family\", \"IAm Changing\", \"Patience\", and \"Dreamgirls\"
I wish I had more hands so I could give all of thesefootball posts more \"thumbs down\"
What the deuce? ... I hate the smell of spray tan...This stuff has to go
I'm lucky I don't have to live there, I would only go there because it's thepeople that I know there
I want a \"Sew In\" now, so I can flip andswerve. Ahaha, I'm funny as fuck
I'm going to \"Schnuck's\" to get every flavor of 32 ounce Power-Aid. Two for $1, haha, judge me,but you probably want one
Feeling said, but this chocolate cupcake is going to make me smile. I'm joking. Judgeme all you want
Dude, please don't say anything ignorant to me. You're the one who looks silly. I'm shaking my head. I can't live inpeace in the world. I'm laughing
I can't believe that the Bravo network didn't censor the finger when he flipped Madison thebird when that photo was taken
Mke sure to bring it by the house during the day so I will be the only one present
Some or all of you might not read this, but my dream is to make it to the professional league, and hopefully withme live-streaming it, it should help
Statistics show that 99 out of 100 men who text back \"okay\" getsfriendzoned by a woman
Why does my last day of work before vacation have to be so stressful? I am going to need a goodmassage after this day
Confession Thursdays: If you're ass had a $100 bill on it, could I give you changeto go with it? I'm laughing
Man, wait, direct message someone that doesn't make you angry. That'scauses gray hairs and wrinkles
I’m going to Charlotte for the day Saturday. But I’ll be here tonight. I needto find something to do.
Aww, look at me trying to stay loyal as fuck and guys keep talking to me!
Music stimulates your brain's frontal lobe, increasing your attention span & ability toprocess. Explains a lot about peers
I need a big bottle of Patron and a bag oflimes, and I'll be all set
Sometimes a person doesn't know a good thing that happening to them even if it Hit them in the face 
Miley Cyrus is campaigning for that black card, and that line from Jay wasa boost to her ego
Some people in this world hate others for no reason. That'swhy I say, \"fuck them\"
I hate when my friends spend the night- I'm prefer having no sleep, dating fatpeople that don't ever damn stop snoring
Ok, enough of this Jay Z.. let me play this newJuicy J track real quick.
If Zimmerman walks, black people will be mad for two days then forget all about it.Fake civil rights activists
I am not going to let the past repeat itself... ugh, the stuff I have to go through..
I don't care about anything but me and my money. We're never breaking up. We're a team. No onewill ever come between us
Then they want you to be committed, the same thing with the children, thoughthey lie about it
Pitt’s defense is trash. I’m not taking anything away from Winston, but hell, I couldprobably throw on their defense.
...and lame as fuck, except for Leroy, you can tell that he is a tough,even CT doesn't want any problems
2 wands, maximum of 3 if your behavior is good. I will be carrying all the cash and cards for both of us... haha
I see you guys trying to get intoxicated but you guys aren't even offering anybody else any. The saying is \"puff, puff, givesomeone and get high\"
This is frustrating. I want to go to my best friend's funeral but I don't have a way. Sleep tight. See yousoon or later. Rest in peace
Placing the blame on others rather than looking in the mirror is a little unhealthy... everyoneelse being wrong instead of yourself
I got very happy seeing you and your physical attractiveness justbeing very pretty and things. #saturdayromanc
Chris Tucker might be on drugs because there's no way he can still be funny for allthese years. He's got tendencies
Can't we all just get along? There's enough room for everyone. I keep to myself and I mind my own business. So why arethey still worried? It never ends
My little vacation was much needed! My mind didn't run AS much...nowit’s back to becoming a -
But in reality though, if I find the person who brought Svedka to my house,I will kick their ass out
Leave me the f*ck alone. That’s what you better do..funerals stay on schedule.. I don't even care about thecharges if they’re not federal!
I need a sugar daddy! They take good care of you.That's what I hear! Shit
Why would you be screaming for your life when you're armed and the other person isn't... thatdoesn't make any sense to me
I would hope that CBS would do everything in its power to get ridof this racist girl named Aaryn
The best one is that her and her sister have the same baby’s daddy and don’t even know it!
There's nothing more disappointing than having the feeling to use the bathroom. Running to the bathroom. Covering the seat and having nothing butgas comes out
So all of the people that worked for Secuitas have been laid off from CTA. Where will thesehardworking people going to work now. Ha ha ha 
How do you have a man with a car but you are still on broad street, you must not be good enough for a car ride
I'm not sure that the storyline will go that way, but who knows? There are always twistsand turns on that show
People without responsibility or have nothing to lose will pull you downand try to anyway
For the record, people can't play basketball. Also, techies are socially awkward. I have accepted both stereotypes, although they don't apply to me
Most people will never know how much turmoil my friend and i go throughmy straight n word for real for rea
I have heard that women think a threesome is 2 guys and 1 girl but its ok, its clear now
I miss the early 2000's defenses and I want to seethem again. It should be nice
Relationships end because once they have you, they stop doing the things that it took to getyou in the first place. True!
I think I’m about to go order this 2 for $20 with anappetizer just for myself. I’m greedy.
have you ever seen a dude in a car and your first thought is \"I hope thats hischild's mothers car\"? right? never min
Sustainability is so SEXY! It’s not a lifestyle, but a way of life for those with style
I'm ready to eat. I mean, while I'm on a mission to find people who want tobe models for my homework
If you are going to be my girlfriend then you should know, I always have your back! If a girl bothers you i will step up andput them in their place
I’m laughing my ass off! One day I’m gonna flame Jordan so good...he’s gonna let me off with it..one day.
Hi I'm Dejhanae Love 101. It is so fun to be on Twitter, and thanks for all of it from Dejhanae Love 101
Everytime I get Chinese, I like the first five bites then I want to throw the rest awa
And the people who say, \"I can't wait until shit blows over so I can get back to jokes and bullshit,\" are really irking my damn soul
Don't invite me over to your house if you don't have air conditioning. Seriously, I'm going tolet you down every time
Laugh out loud, laugh out loud you are so sill you need to be picking some of the sluts new hai
Just got off work.  The guy who gives me Budweiser for a good price called in saying he has some free beer.  I dont drink that shit anymore butYou can not say no to something that is free! Laugh out lou
That’s just my due date. Only 4% of women have their babies on the actual due date. I’m just readyfor him to be out.
Confession Thursdays: I like sexy ankles and I cannot lie. If you have ugly ones, please do not apply-I'm laughing my ass off. This is from a song playing in my head
World of Tanks Xbox 360 Beta is a lot of fun, but so far it's much more simple than the PC. Hopefullythis is just for the beta
If you’re talented you will always have a job in my eyes...or am I taking supplyand demand theory too far?
EXACTLY my point!!! GZ himself said on the 911 tape “he’s running now”. TM was afraid and running away from GZ. Also, GM told -
These kids are picking up how I feel, I have to find a way to turn this around
I feel so dead without my phone, but finally got some music, soI'm managing my time without it
I'm telling myself, \"damn, where my friends fuck it, it's justme. Can't hold me back.\
I suddenly have a craving for chili cheese fries afterseeing a picture on Facebook.
If I call your phone how come you don't answer, but text- where you say\"laughing like shit\". I'm laughing- they're busy
I just tricked Deb to give me her charger. I told her I was coming back downhere today. Yeah right. That's funny
Kaman can't guard the basket though, they should try to get a younger guywho's main focus is defense
I can hear him in the background talking and it just put a big kool-aid smile on my face
I have another 3 bedroom house,  entirely brand new. Section 8is ready- contact me if you are interested
7venCity LIVE 4th of July Hookah Bash, Midnight Kings, 318 N. Charles St. Powered by X105.1 Radio.Ladies are free before 11:00 PM
This juror is making me angry. She clearly sympathizes with the ignorant belief thatall black people look \"suspicious\"
If someone is constantly trying to break you down, what does that mean? I'm not sure if they are envious or jealous. I am not pompous nor am I ignorant.
What is up with Mia? Is she an idiot? I need to learnthat on the show as soon as possible
I would be, you guys are aware of the manner that you carry yourselves, so thanks for looking out or,you can just make it yourself
If you fuck with me wrong, and take me out of my zone, I'll knock the motherfucking snow off of your cone, my pals. Man, itstinks in this bitch
I want to know what is going on in the world, but all the news cares about is thisbaby. Get over it already
Laughing my ass off. I'm in a drought, so the next black person I have sex with will become monogamous with me because I'm notin agreement with with a drought-style life
I’m over this designer talk on my timeline..... you’re buying that shit off of a crackhead. It’s voided.
It is not America's duty to interven in other countries civilwars. Obama needs to relax and calm down
Yes, so I know So Jalen was doing the line too, and I hope that they didn't give you anything for long. Hopefully they do,you know how they did for Jewanna
Any Offensive Coordinator that calls a running play up the middle on third and longshould not be coaching football.
On my way to my doctor visit I hope I have some good news I can nottake anymore bad new
I didnt do much again for my birthday its crazy.  Everything I want to do includes friends who are unable to assist me or join but,Fuck you all I will be okay
The point is $100 is a hug difference to a lot of people and a lot of them don't care for an xbox kinect or want it
Where’s the farmers market in Como? I need some fresh greens in mylife. You’re not about that life.
Good morning. God's plan for your life goes beyond the circumstancesof your day. Be blessed
Man, I remember my friend infiltrated an abandoned house whensome drug addicts were having se
New Haven strap hangers are rude and obnoxious. No one offers a pregnant woman aseat on a train! Assholes.
People claim that they want to work, and they need jobs, but don't take the job when youcall them, it's stupid
I’m finally up from my nap. I guess I will go hang with my mom until turnup time with my girlies.
Eat yellow bone. I think I call her Honey Mustard, that damn LilWayne, crazy as a bitch
I tried it, and while not the easiest thing I have done, I realized it can be easy, soI'm looking forward to the challenge
I think I'm gonna go through my clothes again on Friday and see what I can sell.I need space
If you love a woman just get her pregnant.  She might not stop having sex with other guys but at least she willhave to text you back
I want my husband to come back with the laundry, finishwashing, and clean the house
It makes a difference. If you think I like to spend money to take you out “just because”, I would need background information. 
Would you walk away from a four year, ten and a half million dollar contract, guaranteed overseas to play on a one year, one million dollar contract in the NBA? Questionfor my brothers that play basketball
I'm trying to take this shit over next year. I have a plan!Hey bro, are you still sunny side up
Black people got to have a price to get in and very high drink prices.  The price to get ingoes up every five minutes
Everywhere has them on pre-order. I've been trying to but some forthe last month or two
It's hilarious. Motherfuckers are saying that Chief Keep and GBE are still at the BET awards at the metal detectors
I see how they do it in the D: feed you lobster ravioli, then put you out to stay with grandmother. Well, GrandmotherJoyce, I'm on the way
At the end of the day a guy will be a guy and if you bother me, I'll let you know about it atthe end of the day
Stop, you aren't able to go. Ticket prices are too highbecause they are at $500 right now
Hey I am angry how you introduced me to this show and it is only one season! You know I go through a lot of television like a crack addict goes through insurance money
This country is foolish when it comes to our justice system and morals! We care more about freaking animals morethan we do human beings!
I hate it when she says Oh when I tell her i love her like what the fuck who does that
Black people will trade Drake to white people if it would make white girls stop saying \"yolo\".White people replying \"H.Y.F.R\" is so wrong
For sure, and normally I don't, that is what is annoying me more, I think... and that's all. I appreciate it, my dude
I know the crowd, dude please PLEASE don't stage diveto the remix
\"It's only let me to complete awesomeness at all times. It's only led me toawesome truth and awesomeness.\
No, but I think I'm going to check out \"The Killing\" on Netflix next.What's that Donovan show about
That's funny. You're welcome. And besides, you're not mentally ready if I did mess with you. That guy's goingto be very confused
You're preaching to the choir chief, I had a Chevy Corsica and gotgood action in it. That's funny
Just got back into South Carolina.  Trying to find somethingto do.  Any ideas
Yes for free... Nobody has payed for that album yet ...links (to the album) were posted that nightplayed it shortly befor
But wait, I'm really up. My phone is really active about something. The few four or five people I talk to every dayare when I sleep and at work
Drake is not telling the truth. He is too emo to stop making new friends. It is alright, I'm hear to listen. Send me a message with whatever is troubling you. The church doors are now open.
Being GAY is the ONLY sin people focus on. Cursing? Sin. Sex before marriage? Sin. Sins are sins. You are all toojudgmental. That’s also a sin
I am so grateful that God is speaking and I am hearing. Ministry is inme and I must do
I’m tired of this shit, man. I’m gone. I’m leaving. Fuck that shit. She wants me goneanyway, man. Damn. Haha. I don’t give a fuck.
A little wine has gotten me feeling some type of way! Wow, I'm mad at the bar because they are not open,and they were good as shit. Yes
I just held my hand up to this man's muscles in the gym .. They are thesize of my hand..
I have been working like crazy trying to make him something, but there is not telling what he will do for the paper. This song is dumbbut it sounds good
I have too much respect for Rachel Jeantel on the show. She tells it like it is!
I slept like a rock for four hours. Now I’m wide awake. The life of an insomniac. I’m shaking my head.
They are the best boy band ever, making me feel better aboutmyself! Love you guys
Hi Nuddy, I miss you. You said, come talk to me tomorrow, you've been missing in action\".I have been relaxing. I will
People like to categorize hip hop as old school or new school. Bullshit! The categories are either good or bad. Wake up
Have you ever noticed people say \"that is funny\" when they want to acknowledge that you tried to be funny but they do notwant to tell you you were not funny at all
Dorian is a true African American. He’s been homeless twice, sleeping on his girlfriend’s couch, and has two girlfriends.
I see you’re singing 90’s tunes on my timeline...would you be interested in listening to a 90’s R&B mix?
I have my outfit for tomorrow. You can catch me on the beach, man, without aconcern for hurting anyone's feelings
Bobby Brown made the room awkward for like five secondsaddictions are horrible
I have lost a lot of people in my life. I might miss them from time to time, butit's all in God's plan
Sorry, but he is one of the honest people in Chicago. I got everything he createdwaiting on his music
I was at work and Josh jumps up and says that he has to go to the bathroom. Mr. David replied with, \"Do all the right things.\
It's the first of the month, rent is due. If you don't have anything on the table, don't worryabout being a dog catche
After I heard that booty bandit shit on Facebook, I fellin love with his voice
The next thing you know, he is going back to his desk. I came over and said \"stop all that playing in public\". He then steppedon my shoe and I slappe
I'm so lost when I log on now...with emojis and new lingo and shit. The world moves way toofast for Kim’s son now.
I truly did not believe that Jay-Z was coming to Birmingham until it showed up on Ticketmaster. Because yesterday every city excluding Birminghamwas showing. Now it's on the site
I wish he would hurry up so I can go to sleep. I haven't been in his arms in three daysso you know I'm impatient
What is more impressive, a team that beats a bunch of cupcakes and makes it to the championship or a team thatbeats 7 of the top 25 teams?
Karaoke with Reggie Kelly, Saturday, July 27th. Limelight Inn, 408 Ingleside Avenue, Catonsville, MD. Good food anddrink prices and great sound system
Have you ever looked at someone and thought they are funny looking but also sexy at the same time?Or is that just me
I find it funny that he tries to defend. The last person he tried to defendmade his look laughable
It's crazy black people that I was sleeping with when I had no money that say I'm acting funnynow. We're all going to eat b
What is going on? My home was broken into. Lawn mower stolen.Oh yeah- 2 times
Tennessee fans are bragging about recruiting class when national signing day isn’t until next year. Decommits will beat an all time high.
I hope he says that his toes look pretty again, he insults mewhen he says that
I swea,r I love the fuck out of my girlfriend! Thats my mother fucking baby! She is mine, not yoursnot theirs, she is mine
She mentions how i do nothing all day but when i do something she complains about howI am always trying to do something
Yeah, the endings are great, I want to see what's going tohappen in the next episode
I liked Ciara's performance too and that's about it, but the others weren't bad. Wish ASAP Rockyand some other people performed, I guess
See my life. It’s like a seesaw. Until I move away this weight is going to keep me on the floor. Travel withme through my deep thoughts!
I spoke to him briefly this morning. He said he would call back, but he hasn't
George Zimmerman was pulled over for speeding, and he had a gun inthe car in Texas today
If I wasn't so cooped up in the apartment I'd go with you. I’ve been trying to make that move for two weeks.
You are a mom that loves your kids very much, but you have to let your son be aman in his own relationship.
Florida fucked up the Bush and Gore election, Casey Anthony, and now the Zimmerman trial. I’m shaking my head.
I was awake early in the morning watching UFC but it is not for me, this man looked like his leg broke when he gotkicked in the fac
Hit them with some of these red roses. Time freezes and Iget goosebumps rhetoric. That's funny
The way that most guys prepare a text to their girlfriend: \"I love you.\" *erase* \"I miss you.\" *erase* \"Can wetalk?\" *erase* \"What's up?\" *send*
I just found a new guy at Chipotle! He gave me two scoops of steak and didn't charge me for double
Damn.. So what did Jalen have to do with it because I thought he was justJust doing the loud thin
This year I am not going to do that stupid stuff like skipping class, I'm going to stay focused so I can get good grades
Mmm... Dr. Dra is super fine! It's more his size and height than anything. I have a thingfor the lineman figure- I'm laughing
Wait, threesome? Or Menage? Because an invite to run a train is cool or whatever... but I don't thinkI turned any Menages down..
I never want to go back out there. Too many dishonest people I mess around with and try to rob everybody. That's hilarious.I'm out of town
I thought I'd be able to clean out my car but the machine only takes dimes, what the heckkind of nonsense is that
I don't know of any women who wants to be single, so when you ladiessay, \"I'm single by choice\"
A Guy can cheat and fix it and make a girl thinkShe did something wrong? Try Again
Wow, folks blow me away with that mess. When you are busy, living your own life, you don't have timeto worry about other folks
Who do I look like, and I don't think my mom willsay anything about it
Man, people are still in their feelings like damn, how long ago was that again? I’m laughing hella hard. ButI’m not tripping. They lose.
If you Googled \"what do white people smell like\", it would say wet potato chips and mayonnaise. That makes me laugh. I'mstating a fac
That's funny, but there wasn't any. Additionally, I was referring to what you had said and not to you, even though it is true for both
I got many viagra emails about a month ago... I thought you guys were being funnyand messing around with me
Well, I don't know about those streets where you are, but my Chipotle is full ofyuppies and professionals at lunch
I didn't have to do much for meals during my undergraduate, and I'm not proud of it, but I used up all of my meal plan beforeThanksgiving and spring break
So what I'm getting from my TL is that April really isn't about using a phone
Two of my friends are fighting and they are acting like childrenso forget both of the
Mass appeal, be aggressive! That situation is stupid. That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Cass keeps overreacting to D's mistake so much, black people, especially WK-MZ
It amazes me how some people get upset with me, all I didwas ask a question
Typo. That should have said, \"GZ told investigators that it wasn't him calling for help in thebackground on the 911 tapes.\
I thank God everyday my parents gave me a beautiful name because some ofyou should consider changing yours
Alright, now allow me to improve this album from it's current state, and I will hook it up to the speakers and take it to a studio,Stay tuned in for my reaction
If I could have it my way, everyone I ever have or will interact with would just listen tomy music at least once
Happy Fourth of July to you and the family, Team America. Stand the fuckup. Keep being yourself, brother
She knows precisely what she desires, and she has her thoughts collected, she understands that she's a highly valued woman, sheknows that we will stick together forever
Let’s schedule for this coming Tuesday at the Evergreen Applebee’s so we can payrespect to the plaza, too
Still spots left on the Skybox's FFL. Sign up and get a change at a $100 Visa Gift Card. Send meyour email to sign up
I do not see how someone can love someone that doesnt love them.  I am sorry but my self esteem is a little higher that that. I would be literally on to the next woman
Half of you are talking about struggle meals, but your parents were just having a lazy week and didn't want to go grocery shopping
I know there's a name, gotta be a name for this shit... I just don't know whatto call it! My shit
Chip Kelly is going to leave Philadelphia after one year and takethe University of Southern California head coach job.
They’ve had us waiting all day for a simple number. My patience is running thin! I’m laughing.
The S3 is awful. How can you have a phone that takes five hours to charge but only holdsa charge for 45 minutes
TODAY WAS MY FIRST TIME HEARING ABOUT YOUR MUSIC AT ESSENCE AND I ABSOLUTELY LOVE YOUR SONG \"BEST FRIEND\"!!I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE ALBUM!
I can't lie, I want the Threes but I can'tbuy another pair of Jordans
She is way to jealous and wants Joe to herself.  The relationship will never work out if she keepsputting herself in the middle
Since I work in the morning I might as well rest now because I am going to be at work all day tomorrow and IWould not like to be tire
I'm not the type to pursue a woman too much, but it's like you're an itch and I can't reach it, but I have to reach you
Fly to Chicago or drive through the A? Maybe evencheck out Arizona. Decisions, decisions
Women don’t want to find a guy who will treat them good. They want the person they are withto change and do that.
She is not even fooling around with black guys though so we would not even have to worry about that laugh out loud
Do not look at my forehead, chest, or behind me.  Look me in my eyesit is not that damn har
Its crazy how much I hate feet but I let himput his feet on me
BOY, you mean the WORLD to me. DONTAY, you’re all I EVER wanted& DREAMED of. I LOVE you.
I also love Wendy, in my head she is like a big sister to me, Iwould love to meet her
I love this girl. Nobody can take that away. Telling her I love her is something I’ll never be ashamed to say. This girl here I will. (?)
I’m watching the Auburn and OleMiss game from 2002 on CSS. Jason Campbell andEli Manning were the QBs.
Just to be clear, this person is claiming to be a member of both DST and SGRHO simultaneously?
I wish I could speak to a lot of you folks about her work ethicand desire to be great.
I agree, fuck this and get back to your side of the bed.It's too hot for that
Mississippi State on Saturday. Time for conference play. We've improved every week. Time tolay it on the field
Charlie Wilson's white girlfriend is out of tune! But i bet hewon't answer to anything 
There is no way I would drive a 2006 Range Rover with payments just to be able to say that I have aRange Rover. That's stupid
If you don't lose your dignity when \"I Need a Hot Girl\" come on, thenwe could never be friends
I don't either but man, everything's running in my mind.That has to be a sin
This trial is becoming racist because the judge is trying to say that weedmakes black people angry ide
Let me explain, it wasn't that funny but it was funny. People over exaggeratestuff up way too muc
I would like to know what juror b37 would do if her only son's witness was a Janteal who he was on the phone within his final hour
I did not mean to be rude asking the, \"how much weight have you gained since high school\"question.  Actually, I did mean to be rude to be humorous
Did Clarinet duets together in Ms.Louis class.i played the drums to join with three joints connected
I loved the teaser video! Can I get more?! Hands down one of the sexiest men on the planet
Hello, Steven A. My husband and I love the show. We set the alarms for10 AM here in south Florida
You comment on my Instagram pictures but when you see me in public, you act like you never seen me. These social networksmake people weird
The flight is \"potentially oversold\" but they will sell me an upgradefor A1-15 for $40.
A couple days off to get back into football, exercising, and getting your head straight will be good foryou. You need a break
My supervisor tole me I can telecommute from another location.  Wish I knew I hadThis option three years ag
larry Langford would have built that himserlf if he wasn't in prison. laugh out loud hebelieved in doing thing
Exes who have been together 3+ years still talk from time to time. Just know that. Unlessthey really hate each other.
Who is Tamara? Oh, stop hating on her teamTamara. Stand up
Today would be the perfect day to tan at the pool. It's a heat wave
I don't criticize the hustle. But I do know technology always catches up...because they will pay a clown like me tolearn how to stop it
From what I have read so far, it seems pretty good and a number of people have recommended it. I hope you are doing well
If you’d seen what I’ve seen you would sell drugs too. If the shoe was on the other foot, how could I judge you?
I use to love McDonald's in college. Double cheeseburger value meals all crazy.I haven't had one since 2009
Look at the troops along the DMZ. They'll be there forever. Then they're always trying toforce democracy on other countries
I think that the neighborhood looks forward to everyone dying so they can put out some stuffed bears, get together, drink,and smoke! It's really sad right
Please save all comments until the end of the book. Please and thank you. Then, send The book to your Prophytes. That's funny, I'm laughing
\"I'll take off my socks so she can take a look atmy pedicure.\" - Stevie 
Changing the world is going to take much prayer, advocacy for human life,and commitment to change the mindset ofourselves to pass to others
I wear a D or EE, depending on who makes the shoe. For me, though, I'm more apt to geta larger size. Try Zappo's
Why are they talking about John Cena during this match.  Shut up, King and the other guy wedo not care about
So they said that bananas give you more energy than coffee! \"I really have to try that\",I was thinking
People are getting mad because the iPhone downloads are taking three hours. You and the rest of the world are tryingat the same time, dumbass
He’s happy as shit that he got a phone. He told me “bitch, you got my number”. I waslike he’s happy as shit.
Oh, it's Friday. That's all. Oh, and I need some more coffee.Who has ankle socks on
They got me fucked up if they think I'm going to wash those dishes. Hell no. They got other kids and it's noteven my turn. People are crazy
In fact, sometimes I get a little irritated with Usher. He seems to dance more than sing. If he's a singer, he should be singing.
I know it for a fact, whore! As a matter of fact, justleave me alone and carry on
Aww, okay cool I understanding what you're saying though, I have an interview for Burger King tomorrow. Shit, I hope I get it I need a jobas soon as possible, but I stopped smoking
I just feel a little different that people were in the hall. All I could do was laugh.
He said, \"What's three times three?\" She said, \"Six.\" I'm surprised as fuck. Where the fuck didshe attend school
He knows how to turn me all the way on. I love how kissing and biting on my neck and feelingme and cat
If you ask God to renew your way of thinking, He will change your entire life. Thank youfor a great sermon
I personally think Memphis has the best team in the West. Best defense in my opinion, plays adifferent style in the West
What team do you think most likely wants to get another first round pick that can trade with the Nebraska Cornhuskers
i dont like the first one either. i would rather have a clemson wide receiver like corner jess
I'm getting ready to go do a client's dreads. I have to dress appropriately because I know the whole area is going to be blowing and choosing. Iam not going just to make some money.
I live in Detroit, and my boss bought some tickets to see the Pistons play, but they’re against the Bobcats, Raptors, etc. Can Iget tickets to a good game?
BB and Saban are very close. I'm wondering why BB didn't take JesseWill and Barret J. Knees
DH12 lost me as a fan a long time ago. He needs tobe very productive this summer.
Deng has five fouls, so it's over for him... Boozer too. But thatdamn guy Butler is killing us
$25,000 for a guitar? I only get $20 a week for my allowance. Going to take me foreverto have enough money
I know I don't really fit that picture, so we're just having fun. You'll be my friend for life, though.
Growing up to be mature is good, but don't grow too much. I fell in love with the boys from X factor. Remember that?
I am up. I barely slept at all. Damn people's decisions can really affect your piece of mind. I have been having mini dreams all night. Shaking my head.
Fake love comes and goes when you are in need of help. Real love comes and stayswith you through hard times
Educators can't control class rooms. Not because of ADHD, but because of a lack of discipline in the home.
My views on marriage have not been that positive as of late.Sad, I know. I'm shaking my head
I love mellow people. All that loud shit. For what though? But I will turn up quick if you take me there
He knows the game. He's not lame, and he knows I'm gone. I do the best I can.
You're not the only one who is confused. And I'm trying to, but itdoesn't seem like it will.
Praying for you, Dominic. If you need an ear or even just to vent if no one else is there to listen, I surely will. Staystrong for you and yours.
I hate to say it, but talking freaky doesn't excite me anymore.It's just like, \"oh okay.\
That shit was as foul as fuck! I was crying and those people didn't have to say shit to us! Fucked up
Tears are steadily pouring from my eyes. I hate that I have to go through this alone
I hope that he's okay. I am going to go home and get in bed. I just don't know, my night is ruined.
You can either love me or hate me. Whatever you do, it will notmake me or break me.
I have 30, and the number that comes after eight. Left of one shot fromfive, take off his face.
Let me see what is up with this Westwood College. Oh, and the famous soul food spot nearCamp Creek is on point
 I appreciate it when I am finished with work and come home to girlfriend.She misses me
No, man, she came at me like she always does, and I shut her fat neck ass down. You have to learn, bitch, to respect people
Not a thing, but what's wrong with not getting one? It's more of a healthy hair type, not like I'm trying to impress you or anything.
Why do you feel the need to talk on the speaker phone? What the fuck, I don't need to hearyour damn conversation. Fucking lame
French Montana and his music are a joke to me, I don't even take him seriously. Like how do you style Kanye andYing Yang Twins' ad-libs
It's going to rain in a while, which means two goodnaps in one day, I'm laughing at that
I have sex with girls on the roof when I don't have anymoney for a hotel room - Big 
So, I guess, Mobile Heights is the only one getting rain... Isn'tthis about a B word
I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow. I'm going to call ita night after the game
When I get back in here from work, I got some rice waiting on me. Shout out to my grandma.She is helpful at times
I have done my morning routine just to tie my hair back up and get back in the bed.
Is anyone searching for a DJ for Father’s Day on Sunday? I’m available. Call me at 410-645-0495, Monday through Friday,9AM-5PM. I play music for karaoke too
What ever happened to those nice men who made that sing \"White Tee?\" I'm tired of people looking at me strangelywhen I play that song
I was at the show when they last had Nas on... He was on his knees in the rain performing \"OneMic\" and people were booing
WHT IT HAD TO BE IN THAT WAY, YOUR WRONG , TELL ME HOW WE CAN GO ON SEVEN. HOLIDAYI LOVE THIS SON
I read a tweet of a stressed woman, and I think that women should think a lot more. Maybe if they did, they could solve some of their own problems and be happier.
I not going to lie, sometimes I am scared of being myself but I want to kill those who make me feel that way though it is my fault butI can't help who I am
We do this every Summer Jam. Think of scenarios where Jay-Z can come out. We are used to this shit.
Rammstein is awesome. These black men have guitars with flamethrowers, at least 20 feet of flames, when playing. I am going to trythat on July 4th, if possible.
Most people compared the Andrew Luck & RG3 draft to Manning and Leaf. What was Ryan Leaf like, and how do the two compare?
If your girlfriend has one, you should get better at sex. Vibrators and dildos should be embarrassing to you. You should be embarrassed.
I want a take back on my messages that i sent. The few messages.
I'm hiding in the Grand Canyon, fuck it. I'm going to make it through these twelve hours.I'm laughing. I have to hide the car
What channel are you guys on today? I missed the show yesterday because Comcast said there was a baseballgame on. Also, what time?
Black person, my palette has been spoiled. I can't come home and make the same pastaafter eating this authentic Italian food
Wait, wait, did I just see someone Tweet and say J. Cole's albumis better than The Yeezy
People keep asking me where my ancestors are from and I say America. They're like \" No before they came here\". Damn it. I don't know specifically.
To be honest, my top 20 Quarterback would be Larry Fitz. Carson did throw for 4000yards, if I'm not mistaken.
My partner was arguing with me about when we have a baby. If it's a boy, he's going to be ajunior. No, the hell he isn't
In other news, Paula Dean hired the real life Olivia Popeto fix her situation.
I was trying to aim for the fourth, but there is now a delay. I ran out of money.
I like to keep my social circle small because of the superficial attitudes of many individualssome people I choose not to associate with are either dysfunctional, superficial, or both
Shout out to Angela for remaining professional... You know her and Bow Wow discussed that red carpetinterview prior to it happening
I'm not scared to tell ANYBODY. I love my boyfriend, it is what it is. I can'tHelp who you fall for
So over these n-words! It's, \"been there, done that.\"I'm faithful to my partner
We used to talk about stuff and people didn't even knowwhat the fuck we were talking about
My mother is up in the kitchen, listening to the OMG Girls! I think she is still drunk from last night
Laughing my ass off, no, whore, you're talking shit. The only one touching my ass is Kendravius and, whore,my ass isn't sloppy either
Is it wrong for women to use a man for pleasure? I mean, menuse women all the tim
I'm not losing it. I was going to put her out, call another busy body, bringher in, and work out
Quint,Jerry, and Mario want me to come to B.C. Rain.They need to come to Murphy
I'm laughing. Because, man, I was new to that shit, you know?But I got you, little baby
But I just always keep certain thing to myself but sometimes that's what upsets me most days.
Go to bed, wake up and go back. My grandmother worked hersaggy body better than you
I'm positive it's not yours. I had a dream about it last night. And yes, these are the things that I dream about.
That is awesome, enjoy! IF you have some free time, you should stop by for a glass onthe patio. Super cool place.
When we were all having feelings earlier, he said that's why I'm going to marry you and spoil everything. Just keep holding me down like you do.
I don't know. Yours is that Sunday and mine is that Thursday. My mom said shemight get me a room
I wish I had an app to let me know who were asking these questions when I ask them because it's difficult.
I am such a huge fan. You are an amazing singer and a role model to everyone. MayGod bless you on everything
That was my first time seeing my parents aregue like that and I didn't like it at all.
People only look at the bad things, but they don't recognize all the good things you've done
I'm looking for a new bedroom crib set for my baby. It's not easy to do and there are so many options to choose from.
I don't even know why you keep putting stuff on here, but you just made a statusabout a guy you miss
I am happy that it's over. She went from being in love with Bill to being in love with his son. She went after a takenman and killed his baby.
Oh! I haven't gotten that message, but I'm getting off ofit because my bill is already high
Chief Keef told the police that it's a fast car, and that's why I bought it. I can't be mad at him.
I can't believe some bitch ass tried to call my insurance company and say I was involved ina hit and run. Get the fuck out of here
I want your energy to take control of me. I go to sleep and Isee you in my dreams
Back in the day, they put Gatorade in glass bottles... I think theyshould bring that back. I'm laughing.
She accuses me of jealousy every time I comment. i disagre
I have to get breakfast. I went to sleep hungry because it was toolate to eat last night.
Click the burrito you want then do the drink. Put in promo code and then youput in the card number
Fuck you, 50, you're an old person going to a matinee. This is the best time!There are no lines and it's peaceful
I used to think about immature things, like do you love me? Do you want me? Are you going to call melike you said you would
I knew people were going to go overboard. They are on there suckingdick and fucking completely.
And I got out here just in time to put my car on theother side of the street
For those of you in Greek life going to AGP, you should check out Greekedup Co. The booth for your paraphernalia needs.
Anytime you don't get your way, I shouldn't call you? You aren't a real friend. I'm not a whore, alright
Brother, when I walked inthe pizza place, I don't to see youeating pizza on a stick
Nas heard your single, and he hates it. I'm sure he doesn't care what you think.
Girl is showing off her goods with no fear. Dont be afraid.
This whole moving situation is so frustrating because I don't want to lease somewhere Idon't plan on staying long
Girl, it takes me two weeks to do laundry, by the time the two weeks has passed, it's already timefor me to do laundry again. Laughing out loud and shaking my head
I get so excited when I realize it's almost 4:00... Then, I remember that Idon't get off until 5:00
 A funny little hat, gift to the head, gift to the head. With a yellow chicken, in the fish ... On a boat, on a boat
Shut the fuck up! I'm saying, and it's funnier because we just talked aboutlame ass people doing that
I pry into others business, yes I do, I'm going to look when I think something isn't right. Screw whoever doesn't like it, I'm nothere to please you
Shaking my head. Pull, pull, pull your track. Pull them out of your hair. She is going to scream untilthey all fall down everywhere.
I don't even know that woman. But she knows you can't be cool with everybody, no matter how correct it is
America is boring. I want something new. Everything is so repetitive: inauthentic people afraid to be themselves, people with weaves, etc
I am ready for football season! The National Basketball Association is full of cowards who cry about everything. Oh my! How the gamehas changed over the years
All the big-name Mafia motherfuckers received their money on a 7-game series. If everyone thinks Miami is not goingto win this game, you are crazy
The Spurs are hardly playing like they did the last game. I have never seen so many turnovers in my life fromthis team. Hmmm I wonder why
Jamie Foxx was wearing the shoes he wanted. His actions put us behind.
This is probably the easiest night to find a mate in Miami especially if they win
When your ex likes your pictures on instagram. I thinkyou want me back.
I hate to say it, but a lot of these dudes on Twitter are lame as fuck. How canyou possibly tweet that much
Damn, I'm tired. I'm glad I only have to work a couple weeks now. My plant is shutting down, and allof us are going to Miami in July
I got a paid off day I'm going to use for work. I'm tired as hell and can't go in today.Plus it feels good today
It is crazy because black men lie to their hoes, saying they do not have a girlfriend, buthave a whole one. Shaking my head.
The higher you go in life the less noise you will hear (less people at the top). If it is too noisy in your life, takeit up a notch! Let's go
Thought of the day: I don't make many promises, but I promise to give life my best shot!
I hate this clown-ass black man. I do not believe shithe says. Shaking my head. Laughing out loud. Real shit.
I spent the day with my youngest daughter. First, it was ice cream, then it was shopping, now we are on theswings. Then, off to dinner
The emojis that I just sent to Quinton, it's so funny! We think alike so I knowhe is going to understand it.
You that shit phases me? Love, you were just a conversation piece. That's it. You jumped to conclusions. Now,you feel played... Oh, well
I think it was last year when they chased that car toEC and shot it up
I love when the O's have a day game during the week. Listening to a baseball game on the radio and coding aretwo of my favorite things
I won't say that because I know a lot of people that didn't settle, but it didn't take 3 months though.
I may be stupid, but I'm not a huge fool nor the ugliestbecause you have that title
That all goes back to accepting accountability of one's outcome. They want the glorybut none of the liability
I never understood the reason for the different tracks. I just can’t waituntil they’re no longer part of my commute
I'm going to be true. I was expecting word of that Rose person killing brothers bynow... Yet I've heard nothing. Nothing
Well look at you, you little lurker. I already discussed with Dion. I said I will dothe show. It just wansn't for the \"event\"
No, I think I used the video the publisher had on the website. It's not that hard. But thenagain, I'm technically proficient, too, so..
I figure a few hustle points should allow him to get a few buckets. But overall,Antp give them that work.
Some loser will end up dating her and marrying her. Or she ends up with a guy with multiple kids from different moms.
I'm involved in this domestic shit right now, but I'm going to move around after I play basketball, though. I've gotyou. Your copy is in the truck
The minute I sent it, I was like... wait this is Nate...  Then itwas too late. I'm shaking my head and laughing
That's how I felt about my younger brothers, who are 18 and 16. They were my shadows, and I changed their stinkydiapers. They are both on Twitter now.
Why do women see a guy they use to date that is now married and think...\"Oh, I could have been the one he marriedif I wanted to stick around\"
It's like this woman is changing her tone as the guy is trying to flirt He is trying his flirt game hard.
I'm talking about regular white guys, not the Jon B white guys. They just rarely considerblack women as an option
No White woman that has ever had a symmetrical haircut can convince me shenever dated a black dude..
Dare I go out on a limb and say that the idea of a black woman being sassy isn'tappealing anymore
I give props when due! I celebrate winners! But don't try to step on me twoappear deep to some hoes
To the feller's dad and their ex-girl knows it and giggles every time they see me.
I'm on www.youtube.com. I'm listening now, and if I have to be open minded to enjoyI feel that I'm thinking too hard.
The Governor is trying to pay both sides against the middle and make money. The Vampers Governmentis gone now.
I mean, there is nothing wrong with a girl with a good vagina, andnot stingy with it
Lez, you're a jerk ass! Well, you never told me your read it. You'vebeen all Redbone busy and shit
A woman with a lover will go on a date with another man and set up sexual activity with the lover afterwards
Most downtown tall black women look at me. That is a fact.
I pop plan to expose LBJ's jump shot, he worked because he would have called him a genius. Let the heat cook.
*Sets summer schedule* When are the KP playoff games? Hyde Park Alumni Picnic? House Picnic? Taste?Crunch Brunch Picnic? Brothers Picnics
Ooh, talk to Eb about that... She used to say that she \"wouldn't be one of those women that flashes herring.\" Now ask her. It's funny
All right, I'm going to be late to the HP picnic... I'll probably be there around 5pm. But I still want to ridein like purple rain lbs
Being you is important on how you judge success. You are doing the right thing by following your own path.
I rather take a fake married person's advice than a single person about real shit. At least alevel of compromise is shown.
A man that invests extensive time before getting what he wants is calleda \"gentleman\" in women's slang
Showing how easy it is to admit the failure can be one's own fault. I accept it, and will strive todo better. Crazy world, right
And I refuse to believe I never saw a woman breast feedand was the only one gawking
I would loe to have a routine so I can get into a processjust walk through my platform and leave.
I'm pretty, but I am not beautiful. I sin, but I am not the devil. I'm good, but I amnot an angel. -Marilyn Monro
Thank you, everyone, for the Father's Day wishes. I am sending blessings toall of the fathers out there.
Got new game system and games. We were able to accomplish this before the year.
Well said! At least she's working. She's gonna have to work a lot of hours justto see any serious money. I'm laughing
Women aren't worth anything! Females want a loyal man but can't evenbe loyal to their friends
Oh no, I didn't even know that she was there. There wasn't anyparking, now I feel bad
Shout-out to all of my male friends and cousins who have never sugar-coated shit. They always kept it so real
And, to be honest, I hate Yale. Laugh out loud. I just like a fewpeople on my dad's side.
All during school, I wanted to fight Sam and, man, I tried and what happened? My eyewas black and blue for two weeks
Tossing a salad? Swimming in each other.
Can I just get a blow job? For real, the crack of my hairy ass, killing myself laughing, just playing
Sitting in the dark like a real man. Now that's some jail type talkand like real talk.
If a bitch goes to the food stamp building, and the security guard signsher in... She's a whore
Light-skinned black people everywhere are upset about this new Instagram shit. Those black peopleare happy with the secret, and I'm laughing my ass off
I thought I wanted these women but they want all the men. It's unbelievable.
That man doesn’t do anything for you, but when he talks down to a woman, you’re satisfied
I've met cool gay people. I still feel that theshit is nasty, but they're cool though
I think that I'm going to have my 18th birthday in Ohio. Then again it's really cold. All I know that is I want something big.
Ion really trusts what people say I've just been lied to so many times it'slike damn it, don't trust anyone
At 2 PM, we are giving away free tickets to the Graceful Hands Celebrity B-Ball Game atCass Tech on June 29, 2013
Visit all locations for tickets to the celebrity charity basketball game atCass Tech on June 29, 2013. Power b
Tyga and Big Sean, I love it. The beat is hard! I don'tlike the song too much
The alarm sounds mellow and I cant believe its an alarm. Could it be something else?
Alright listen, I have a special on tattoos. Bring two and spend $25 and get one free. Nobullshit. Hit me up for more information
I'm about to kick my feet up and sip on a little drinkydrink to ease my mind
I can't lie, when I worked for future care I wanted to work in housekeeping. They swear they had the best job.
Please tell your friend that her braids look fucked up. I keep wanting to twist those bigthings up into a bun
I am in no way trying to rush myself to grow up, but ages 21 and up just have more options thanages 20 and under do, that's funny
I need to figure out how to manage these two jobs. Well, ifI get the other one
I need to find some Air Jordan Pink 11s. I don't know what I was thinkingnot getting them when I had the chance
Sometime over the past week I forgot the entire plot of HarryPotter. Poof. It's all gone
I saw one of those son of a guns in a yard on my way hometoday. I right near stole him.
I would be a terrible kitty owner. I am not home enough to keep it company, andsomeone else took it home.
Man, fuck that hoe. Man, my brother and them had thathow, and then Bryan Frazier
Think about what my life could be, that's when I poura drink and smoke this marijuana
I've been listening to my SL brothers all day, but not because they're my friends. They're just better than you rappers.
We'l you should've came to the best person for the job, which happens to be me but I understandyou don't deal with me anymore.
My grandma told Eric he can spend the night knowing I am mad at his ass. Now, I gone and slipped upand let him dump the motherfucker. Laughing, but very serious.
Tell your sister that you are a grown woman and you can make your owndecisions, thanks for her concern
If you read both of the tweets, I changed it up for you, because you're specia
I must say, the girl was a complete waste of my time. Shit, I'm doing wonderful without her andmy BD. Seriously, fuck relationships
When you try to start issues. I dont need to be involved.
The only logical reason to watch basketball is because of men who date the Kardashians. Is that similar to pretending to like \"Downton Abbey?\
rachel has been ignoring the texts. I am going to confront her. I will put her in her place
A teacher got into a fight with a student this morning. Now she is unemployed. She lost her job with only a fewdays left of school. What a shame
This lady is supposed to sing \"The Negro National Anthem\" but she just whispers to me \"Idon't know the words\". Huh
It's too early for the drunken friday night club pictures on instagram, right? Because I just saw a..
As Salaam Alaikum, how can we help our children in public school to stop being funneled into prison.
You stop talking to me and yes, I do. What did you just do thatyou need a confirmation code for
Hey, we are gonna go have some family time today. I will sneek in some schoolwork photosI need for my assignment
I was at my brother's graduation. I DVR'd it and saw the fourth and OT when we went out to eat. There was no sound on theTV. My phone and were
So I got into trouble for leaving work early!!! If it ain't one thing it's another.With mac and Sac!!
Knowing that people in Africa were royal was a plus, but it didn't do much for my own identity. Knowing that, I'm a joint heir with Jesus.
Mailmen that are in the hood get chased by dogs and harassed whensocial security checks are late
People were standing in line all night just to be the first customers at the new Chic-fil-a inHampton Cove, and it's not that deep.
My mom is in Miami getting ready to go on a cruise while I'm in HSV in theclassroom on a damn Saturday
Heat fans have NO room to talk about flopping unless you are talking aboutthat bitch in the jersey
Their spread offense is totally different. They are going to pass first offense. His blind side tackle is gone, so there are big shoes to fill.
I just liked it for the documentaries, but the same ones have beenon there for over a year
SPANISHSPANIS
Every Saturday, these people on the block opposite of mine have a barbecue. Cool... If only their weird sound system didn'tconstantly give me a headache
Big brother, I need you, and Wade, and Ray Allen, and Bosh, and Shane, and Mike Miller. Play hard on Danny Green,and Parker, and Duncan, and Neal
You have to love that old Wine-O in the neighborhood. I havea two-month update in five minutes.
Only God makes the rain fall, and it's falling a lot in Queens. But I don't have to go out, so let it rain, letit rain, let it rain
I saw it with my own eyes. Shit was real myn-word. He killed her
Inner city translation of \"Let me call you back\" is \"You have a great rest of the day. Talkto you tomorrow.\" I'm laughing my ass off, I'm just saying
Genius invention would be an alarm clock that releases the smell of bacon in the morning. It would always wake people up.
If I get one more damn mosquito bite. I know I'm caramel colored and tasty looking, but I'm sure there is some other fat people togo bite on, what the fuck, I'm laughing
You know when you wake up with so much energy it makes you lazy. That's really crazy
A pretty women with bad breath is something I don't like.It's to hot for me to deal with messes today
Someone told me that the coochi has pork in it. Is that true? And if so, does it come in vegetarian as well? I'm on a diet.
If I was your best friend, would you let me do all the things that only a best friend can do?
I have a headache since I haven't been to sleep in two days. I'm going to sleep so good tonight. I have a hair appointmenttomorrow or a cut. I'm scared
So, I'm very late. I had no idea that David Correy got a record deal. I loved him. I was so mad that he was voted off so early.
You ask for my number. I tell you, \"I have a boyfriend.\" Your response, \"So, I like competition.\" N-wordsdon't have any respect. That's funny
Don't try this at home kids... Okay, I will try itat my friend's house then..
What's up Tweed family? I have been up since 12 yesterday, that's funny.Shaking my head, always good morning
My shoe collection is lacking right now. I need new work shoes, running shoes, Sperry's or loafers, and regular tennisshoes. I have to get it together
Don't, like, people who have sex or are trying to have sex, have sex with the friends? That's crazy!Hands down! Male or female
Are you tired of hitting the beauty supplies and copying that black number one? Is your wig busted, disgusted, fried, dyed, and leaningto the side? Hit me up.
I'm feeling really anxious. I can't wait. I hope God hears my prayers and they releasemy baby. Help me, Lord
For once, can I meet a handsome, respectful guy with pants that do not sag? That is bad. At least don't have them sag so low. Ugh
If we say to bring two forms of ID with you, why wouldyou bring just one with you
I assumed I was making headwind. I am worried.
Dude comes to the mall with friends. it's raining. He gets his car to pick his friends up in front of the mall...It was only sprinkling, that's funny
I’m probably the only motherfucker on the planet that doesn’t like hot doughnuts. I hate whenthe hot sign is on.
I’m getting ready to jog this morning! I need to get my health back in order. I've been negligent for a while soI have work to do.
And as a shopaholic... I'm taking strides to be better with money... And I'm cutting up my credit cards, andremoving them from my PayPal
If you see an opportunity, let it happen. We're checking our bag.We don't need whores
Chili cheese fries with jalapeños sounds so good. Where can Iget something good like this
Do not come my way for nothing. Do not hit my line for nothing, phone ass fuckblack guys, you black guys are nothing.
Damn. Why aren't any of my favorite shows on On Demand yet? I don't want to wait towatch them until next week
I saw Dr. King's speech in its entirety yesterday for thefirst time. I'm still moved
It's a great day for fathers. Add to the legacy, or build a newone with your little ones
be careful as some deals with fall through. understand the deal and take time with it.
I don't think it's hard to find love.  I believe everyone is on a different level in life.  No need to rus
I feel like Stiles might become a beta to save his dad, judging by thepreview for next Monday.
I'm still up. Man, World War Z was pretty good. It's a good picture to watch
I believe that God makes NO mistakes and that everything happens for a reason, whether   it's good or bad
Why would you make someone promise not to drink when they're already drunk? That'sjust really sneaky. I'm laughing out loud
It's way past my bedtime, but there's so much on my mind thatsleep is near impossible
I know I have became a real adult when I allI want to do is work.
I have been giving him my prayers. He has been blessing me. And stayclear from all of these hoes.
I'm so fucking irritated. Everybody is fucking blowing the shit out ofmy life. I'm done, say no more
I have eaten Lou's and Harolds in the last three days. Diet, here I come. I have been working out but aboutto go into cardio overload.
People who know me, know that I've been to hell and back, and I can finally say that I'm happy.
Right. Now I'm enjoying watching my grandchildren play and my family is here assistingme with my new book
This cold is making me want to pour myself a drink, because I need to be healthyfor this work week coming up
They're mad about the government tapping phone lines. I don't care. Idon't have anything to hide
I'm trying to get my priorities in order and save money, they'll be no more celebration, andI'm going home in September
He said you would forget to pick your kids up, forget you are cooking, and forget life, basically. I'm laughing
I used to be a ball of energy before class. I got there and it felt like Ihad been up all night
I have been meeting more girls that say, \"I am going out with my boyfriend.\"I say, \"So, what?!\
I mean, I know that I don't have the best grammar in the world, but I canput a sentence together.
We used to go so hard on it. We were probably two bottlesaway from turning into lemons. Laugh out loud.
I can understand a month or two, but not two weeks! I'm going to go outa crazy person. I'm laughing
At the end of the day, I can't respect or forgive the BaltimoreRavens for breaking RGIII's leg
I have a lot of weight on the back and front of my body, but he wants a bitchthat looks like she's anorexic and shit
Why do you have to go there though? Some of us don'thave a lie (runs away).
Mindless Behavior has motivational songs. I'm listening to them now to get through this second day of school. Thank you Mindless Behavior.
When did a national tour become national if it's not recognized by the Broadway League.
No, not yet. But I am getting close! I was in the 5th grade then! I still remember life-long affect you had. Thanks
It feels great to wake up in the morning without being hungover. And yesterday I almost had a drink!I didn't drink
Not having a good day today at all... but it will get better.The Devil won't knock my spirits
I haven't been here in a minute, and I had to make sure you weren't acting to old.
This guy is an addict.He will use anyone.
So, how many platinum albums had he produced? Full albums? After Aaliyahdied, Timbaland’s career died.
I used to like to Drake, but he confuses me. I prefer therapper Drake, not the whinner
Everything I put in front of you to think about, some choose to think with purpose. Otherslet others think for them
Don't get it twisted. I really don't give a shit. It's Friday, and people can royallyget the fuck over themselves
I mean to say even though Biggie Smalls and Tupac have been dead for almost 20 years, their music is still relevant. Theirshit will never get old
Lebron is in facilitator mode tonight. The beast is caged. He'll get a trophy andwin at this rate, though
Dante can't talk. I've seen that video with the fast and sweaty black girl.\" I'm laughing my fucking ass off, dog
I grabbed it and somehow got it off of me. Then I put my foot on its neck. None of the other snakesmoved, but they were there
You already. It's the truth.\" Already black females aren't going with us, thenthe clip is riding on them
My friend hasn't that friendly with me these last couple of days we are about to be a odds.
The Cirtus 7's,All Black 10's, White & Red 10's and the White & Purple 10'sneed to be re-released
Would you believe me if I said that I liked you fromthe beginning? Because..
Like, if you die and reincarnate... Do not pass Go, do not collect$200. Go directly to jail
It's actually supposed to be an inside joke. And yes, you can come over. I'm watching it alone.
Hopefully, I'll get some sleep tonight because I have to be at my second job at 7am
My next day off is not until next Wednesday! I work two double shiftsthis weekend back to back!
Sometimes, a lunch time walk is all you need to save yourjob and another motherfucker's life..
Sinus is acting up. I am here to grab food. And leave out.
My brother just called me and surprised me with some good news! Now Ican finally go to sleep.
What if this activity is just pregaming for the real gamestarting the week.
Are you expecting to hear from God or see Him at worktoday? If not, why not
This class is too long, especially since I probably, and hopefully, won't even be in this city much longer. Buta backup plan is always necessary
Don't ever show a man that you're a good woman because they obviously will take advantage of it, let himfind out on his own and respect you for what you are
I always wonder why my fridge is empty, but to be honest I already know why it is. I love food.
Comcast stays leaving that threatening-ass, \"We were here to pick up your equipment\"post-it on my door.
So why is my girl missing in action? No text, nocalls. What the fuck is going on
The people that I hung out in high school and middle school days, I don't even talk to now. They changed. But they don't matter, I'm making money.
No, Flo didn't hold her hands, bow her head, and pray asking the Lord for help andcurse in the prayer. That's funny
It's weird as hell I wasn't hungry yesterday. Maybebecause I was so tired
A cross dresser with a great job or a good dresser with two felonies who has notworked in three years
\"Silver lining\"? Really, jackass? People could have lost their lives and you're worryingabout The Heat winning? How insensitive
I feel you! I only ball when there is a tournament. Still have game, though. Laugh out loud. If you ever are in Chicago City, I will play you. Laugh out loud.
For those who are interested, I will be playing the old school and house music again on Wednesdays as of September 4th, 2013... I havemomentarily stopped playing them because of the annual jazz event
I've gone bungee jumping, but I was drunk. I don't think there's enough liquor in the world to makeme jump out of a plane
You are not right for holding back a tweet.Because you are running behind.
Too young to have a child and its surprising. Your infant must be super young since you havent been peed on.
It's about time obesity is recognized as a disease. People have to eat. No one has to do drugs or drink, andboth have been declared diseases
Are you all doing a tasting Saturday? I missed the first few andwould love to stop by.
Uh, she wanted to recreate a Plantation Theme Wedding because she liked thenostalgia of the period? What the fuck
Cheese was a Taste of the Nation silent auction item. Bourbon was fromthe F&W event last year
Permit me to throw a basketball and a stick at your headand see if I weep
Yes, ma'am, she does/I do, which makes me laugh. Are you in the 615 yet?I can't wait to come visit
We didn't even say we were going. I just said that I wanted it.You ate Hooters' food without me
I'm mixing up a great Bellini. And yes, it is fresh puréed peach.
I am a Clippers fan from the beginning. I'm just rooting for the Pacers becausebecause I don't like the Heat
Don't believe the lies, just look me in the eyes. Please don't be scared of me, please don't be scared of me.
I can't put up with people. I have to remind myself every dayto continue looking straight ahead
A lot of people on Twitter are posturing, but for whom? Because when you receive the beating that's imminent, they're going to be on here ridiculing you
I've been up since 6am, love. Thank you for waking me up. I was able to get myearly morning prayers in
Women came back and in good spirits. The are living.
It's beginning to make sense. My father was born on August 11th. Hip hop was also born on August 11th. My father was very good with words. Need I say more
My shit is \"Streets Made of Gold.\" He went in on that one.It is on repeat when I am riding.
This is the first time I've actually been able to watch TVin a long time
I took my flat-screen out and put it in the living room. Why willI sleep in here, laughing but serious
Dree is the only woman I really loved. The rest of those women, I don't know, were not for me
I need to stop getting in my feelings, that's all... Mother fuckers.So flippy floppy with me
Happy Father's Day to all the fathers, men who aren't fathers but play the role, and all of the women who haveto fill in for fathers
My mom is getting ready to go to my grandma's house, and Miesha is getting ready to come over. We're going to smoke.
I made the suggestion to go out. Now that it is time to get ready, I changed my mind. I'm terrible
I hate when men say, \"Maybe I'll carry you one day if you behave correctly.\" How about I behave the same way andcarry myself? Good day, sir
I can't really blame Rachel. I'm sure that her mother speaks that way. The cyclehas to be stopped somewhere.
Here is how I feel. Everyone has been there.
He is doing a video with a famous personwith kirk and he isnt lying to the community.
Tonight was quite eventful. I did meet some cool dude. It's crazy that noneof them like girls. Shaking my head
That commercial is really good with the couples singing off the record. The starr song stands out.
Do not be around for the moment. Messing with me will get you fucked if you fuck meover just for the moment
I just look like this. Don't mistake me, I will hurt youand leave you for dead.
It is frustrating when autotext puts the antonym of the work I'm trying to type
It’s the moment when you wish your friend would lose because you want to go home butthey keep winning every game.
It got a little dry in the middle with those random stories, but it picked back up
Cookout. Seriously, stop with saying \"my pleasure.\" That'sfor Chick-fil-a only
Wow, that's a great story. I had to scroll down to figure out the beginning.The ankh was very interesting
Dudes will want to fight if they think you are looking at their girl, but get mad when you tell them she isreally ugly. I was not looking.
Light-skinned women are spoiled because all of you men want to perform oral sex on them and not have intercourse. Nowthey think they're the best
Hey!  It was good to see you again! We didn’t get a chance to talkbut I wanted to congratulate you
I’m so happy for all the young men who were drafted. I wish you allthe best with your career.
You'd better stop talking about how good Red Coat Tavern is. I've had them both and Red Coatcan't come close to Cutters
One time, this man said that he actually watched the show before. What did you get in the car for then, if you know what's going to happen.
I wonder what reaction I would get if Danny Brown would come out to doTerrorist Threats with Ab Soul
I hate an extra motherfucker. Change what I need changes, and keep it moving. Stop askingall these irrelevant ass questions
No offense, but everyone is bigger than you. lol You have to make it knownthat you aren't weak.
It's nice to know that the reason that I was starving yesterday was due to a lack of shawarma humors you.
Whoever is making my bowl will put the right amount of meet without extra charges. I am being serious about my food.
Oh no, you butt hole licker, you go to school. I haven't seen my baby in a while.
Aren't they a little late with selling this chicken and waffle chips? Wasn't that the last flavor that won the challenge?
They are talking about making $30,000 a month, but you didn't sign up, and eight months later, they are in the samesituation that they've been in. Broke
I wish I knew someone with a truck. I am not trying to spend200 on a U-Haul truck.
Let me tell you about how I went to urinate this morning and my hat fell into thetoilet. I am pissed. In more ways than one
I’ve been hearing these schemes since I was 18 years old. I haven’t seen one guy closeto me become a “billionaire”.
Sometimes, it's easy to let someone's negative opinion or thoughts about youmake you upset or frustrated
Of course, it's about ratings and money. Has to go seven games to sell ticketsand make money on commercials
Cleanser and Benzoyl Peroxide: I'm out of town, and accidentally left my stuff. So, my skin is kind ofmad at me right now
This panel doesn't have any jokes: no pranks, no arguments. Chuck,Kenny, and Shaq are clowning
Don't you have an issue with it giving you raccoon eyes? Because at the end of the day, that'swhat I'm dealing with. I'm laughing.
I really need to make breakfast, but I've been lazy this week.I'll get back on it next week
Don't count how many new friends you can make. Count how manyold ones you can keep
I take my charger everywhere. The school, the library, the beach, the mall, the park, the church, the hospital. You neverknow where a socket will be
Don't judge me, I just hate ratchet-ass bitches. Like that shit is not cool, why do you want tobe ratchet? Let me know
I arrive at my destination, and these women are upset because I don’t want to be in a relationship with them. Go do something better with your time, woman
Yes, I gave the bag back on Tuesday... But now I think I'mcoming down with a cold
I'm kind of about to pass out on my couch... But before I do, canI say the shit I wanna say, Twitter
The trouble with being my complexion is that I get confused when Black Twitter talks badly about light skinned girls... AmI grouped in that category
Okay. I'm over all these Kendrick memes, man... You can't flood my timeline or Instagram like it's the rapesloth or Drake walking away
I'm laughing my ass off. Don't judge me, man. I just like to interact with my animal crackersbefore they meet their demise
Bow Wow you can't go back to dating Ciara because she is dating 50 cent. He has memories with her waiting for you to try and date her again.
Juicy J has me throwing money at strippers this morning viahis game on his site.
I wonder what the rap industry would be like if Biggie Smallsand Tupac were still aliv
A black man rather be with the hoe than to be with the female who heldthem down. I do not get it.
Tell her hungry self she isn't going to watch the game. She just wantsto eat, not spend time with me.
I am always hungry.Even before I fall asleep.
Some people are asking questions and answering them to repost for social media followers. How do you know?
Having your ass eaten is such a violation. I could never look at him the same way again. Have a seat under the bed, bitch
\"If someone doesn't like me, they're hating.\" No, maybe theyjust don't like you
The things people say about me don't phase me, simply because I truly know what goes o
Traci, sweetie, you shouldn't bother a man with any \"he said, she said\"nonsense on a first date
\"Been waiting for a phone call for two days, damn!\" It's safe tosay they're not going to call, and I'm laughing
Now how did this bitch get mad, when she's the one who catfished my boyfriend? That's what I said. I'm like, can you believe this bitch
I wish they would build new dorm rooms for the students at A&M University. Motel6's rooms are better than the dorm rooms there
I can't wait to deduct these costs for daycare on my tax forms!!My god, they're making me broke!!
My Iphone 5 is looking rough. Just another reason to get the new one, when it comes out this fall.
The black person was overrated as a quarterback. And the other black people outshone him in scrimmage. He played in high school,though. He should be good
At the barbershop, about to get this cut. I swear thisplace is 24-hours. Laugh out loud.
Somebody on Facebook asked what a good hotel to stay in Vegas was and somebody replied 'Circus Circus'. I'm laughing my fucking ass off, that's likethe worst on the strip
Wow, some guys are really unpleasant... Being disloyal can't even describe what they do... Then they wonder why nobodylikes them... So lame.
My next project is slowly approaching... Almost there... Second drop forthe year... Produced entirely b
The writer needs transport and tickets to a busplease share
To test if your breath smell's, lick the back of your hand and wait 5 second's. If your nose hair's melt yourbreath stinks. Just so you know that’s funny.
Somebody told me that vagina tastes like chicken. Well, one day, I'm going to find outwhat chicken tastes like, that's funny
Oh yeah, I saw you and him, walking in the rain. You were holding hands, and I'll never bethe same looking ass. Laughing my ass off
I'm so glad to be off of work. I thought Darryl was gone, I didn't want to get into a fight today. I need to be touched.
We have ten fingers, the index finger to point, the ring finger for marriage, the thumb to show approval, the pinkie for pinkie swears, and themiddle finger is for telling people off
Thanks for recognizing me and being part of my group.you all are the real heroes.
I just got messed up about something. People don't even say Grace anymore. They just take a picture of the food, then upload it to Instagram and Facebook. No, that's funny
I think I want a touch screen flip phone. Or a touch screenpager made by Skytel, I'm laughing my ass off
Damn, I must have slept weird because I woke up and my arm was stiff... All three of them. I'm laughing out loud
Why are you overreacting? I didn't even do anything and you called me a jerk. That's okay, I'll take it this time, but hey, do me a favor:call me jerk-o
Knock knock. Who's there? Ben. Ben who? Ben Dover and I'llshow you! Ha ha, laughing out loud at that
He just texted me this: \"Baby you may be asleep but I was just thinking about you,I love you boo.\
It is late and I am awake. Why? It's because of a man and I am waiting for his phone call.
I'm not cocky, I'm confident. So when you tell me I'm the best,it's a compliment
First thing a person says in a relationship, \"Bae, we, no matter what!\" Three months later they are goneafter one argument. What the fuck, bitch.
I'm single because I am ugly. You don't know what it's likesince you are not as ugly
Somebody told me so and so says I think I'm the best in every way! I replied that I know they're going tolet me think that
I blow up by myself, believe that. Nobody has to go behind my back; I do it myself. \"Well,I'm still the same.\
If you have whores, why do you need me? If you have me,why do you need whores
Broke women will never get anywhere trying to argue with me over a man. Catch your life beforeit falls out the window
Hey Justin, I want to let you know I love your music. I'm a big fan and I listen to your musiceveryday when I get up
Crichton Group continues to grow. I'm looking to add another account manager to my benefits team. Please contactme if you are interested
I saw two dead roaches on the floor while returning equipment.Keep up the good work
Just got off work and I'm about to party. It feels good to be a working man again. Contact meif you have my number
I've been using their browser application for some time now, along with a good torrent application. Theworld is mine, anywhere, anytime
 He who says abstinence is good does not know what he is talking about. It's bad for the mind as well as the body
I really do like her but she is what she is and I am still a man. I will take my shot with her.
But he has one more chance to hit me with that jacketand I'm going to beat his ass
Why do they use buttons instead of zipper on this model of jeans. I have to pee and it makes it harder
 I am the only one out of my friends with cable at the moment.They are not going to take advantage of me
Dudes say, \"Babe, I can you the world.\" And then she says, \"Give me your phone.\"Then he says, \"Wait a minute, uh...\
Writer is a photographer needing models? Let me know!
I give myself a high five every time I pass a trooper and I'm going the speed limit
change is relativehow the change works will be judged by hindsight.
I need stylist who does natural hair in Atlanta to take careof my dreadlocks. Please recommend someone...thanks
I did write you back. I thought you fell asleep on me! How did I know youwould Tweet about me? Ha ha
Everybody, check out my little cousin, C Watt's, mixtape (you thought wrong). This young black man is unsigned and abeast on the rap tip.
People kill me when they say some shit and you speak about it, but theyget an attitude about it
The kids are eating, so I'm sitting outside trying to convince them everything is going to be all right as long as weare together as a team
Well, the children are about to go to sleep, and I'm about to finish eating suasage gravy and rice and then lock upthe house for some sleep
Continuing to watch and I'm pretty impressed with his transformation from selfish to family manand his relationship with his wife
Please fuck. He is at someone he came out the creases and was geeking. Asking 21questions for your address. Laughing my fucking ass off
I woke up this morning high took the drug molly.
Let me take my ass to Checkers, then go home. I'msleepy.\" Bring me a Big Buford
I just ate a whole steak and cheese with salt and pepper, thick cut fries, and the best fruit punch I'veever had... I'm good now
Man, damn you. I bet I won't say shit to you anymore. I swear on my mom. Fuck it, I don't even care
Man, I can't take this shit. Trying to love someone who doesn't even care about you, and who doesn't love you back, and is playing around withme. Man, kicking the damn rocks
If you can't trust me, man, what's the use of this, brother?Fuck it, dog, for real
Man fuck it, I don't get her at all, like what the fuck is thisstuff, it makes me angry, man
When the roller coaster flipped and I was upside down.My friend was laughing.
On the first day of school I'm going to smoke. Then I'm going to be friends with my teachers sothat I can get good grades
I'm still getting used to this life proof case. I have to hit the buttonsharder for them to register
Waffle Tacos are a sign that we, as the human race, are evolving. We need to spreadwaffle tacos through the universe
Mogs are not on Twitter until about 8. Lame ass. I am up and doing work before Iget to work. Who am I
My friend, if you get to the altar and you're still in love with someone else, you'rea liar and a whore
Whitley may be one of the reasons I never preferred light-skinned women. Dwayne was beneath her before he wentto Japan and got on.
Hey, guys are still out here accepting badly built mulatto-colored girls becausethey have good hair
I just thought about that my little brothers do not know shit about popping the cassette out, flippingit, fast forwarding, just to rewind.
In other news. If have partaken in grooming and no one notices me I am going to feel less important.
My true love is looking for trouble tonight, I see. You black men are the people my parents told meto stay away from. Laugh out loud.
Is a chick a \"hoe\" if she can't remember the name ofevery man she ever fucked
So many fat girls that have natural hair only want to get the\"your hair is cute\" compliment
I need an assistant to take my truck to Indiana. Fill it up, and get it washed at Kleen
I'm going to try to make it to your event, but my schedule is crazy right now. Are you going to bethere on time or not
It probably wasn't the best idea to drink an iced coffee at two in the morning. As if I don't knowwhat caffeine does to me
It's much too early for your low-class tendencies to bedisplayed over Flaming Hots, brother
To all the old dudes going to their old yard toto \"help\" the freshmen move in... I'm laughing
I really hate you girls that think you're all that because youalways shop at Forever 21... I'm laughing
Great. I then got back to it. I did a naked jumping jacklast month and felt something.
You're brave as hell getting a car wash out west and youaren't carrying a gun on you
I wonder if she is going to be able to lose that baby weight. It still looks fun andthick, just not her old size.
Have headphones gone out of style? People just play songs on their cell phoneson speaker like it's normal
The girl has some issues from life. But she cant keep using her background as a crutch.She needs to stop crying wolf.
It's not just dunking. They simply do shit I can't physically do. Running a 40-yard dash in five secondsis not exciting to watch
Kids can play basketball and get the same injuries. its just i like to watch baskeball at a pace that is faster with better athlete
The neighborhood women are complete deceivers. What they really mean is they would look cute inthat outfit, not that other woman
I totally get why black people give up and just play thesystem to barely survive. It's easy
In the middle of Illinois, and Mogs only has Internet to pass thetime, is the cause. Laugh out loud.
It is very unlikely that Stern in his last years will allow Spurs versus Pacers in the finals. He is not going topermit WNBA viewership numbers
We all have jumped into the Pool of Designer... Once you jump out,you're never the same again
Elementary school taught that dinosaurs were vehicles. People are gullible.
What will it take for the black men to be moved to the suburbsand the whites to regain the city
I agree! So go obtain those other jobs if you’re not happywith the wages you’re getting
What is wrong with holding people accountable for their own success? And I am saying that asa black man in America
You haven’t reached your full potential until a lesbian is considering asking you to be the sperm donor forher and her partner to have a child.
There is a 6'2 woman that works near my job. I guard myself every time she walks past me.
Regardless of whether it's true or not, shit, that's my man. If I want to fuck him on a plane 3,000 feet in thefucking air, I'm going to do it
I might choose not to go; I’ve got a lot of homework to complete. School is my priority this yearand next, so I can graduate
My phone fell out of my pocket and right into the toilet... At least halfof my soul has died
All these whores in this location really believe they're stealing. Whore, your vagina is the onlything that these black people are having intercourse with
\"If you can't control your hairline, I already know you can't control your man.\" I'm dying from laughter
You'd better love me. You know I care about your best interests in any situation! You know that! I loveyou 100 times over! I know
There's so many other women to date. Why did you choose me? Him: I've never meta human being like you.
I want cookies but I cant have milk because im lactose intolerantsteals all the joy out of it.
Hair is in a mess and he wants me. He wont get me though.
I am hungry and I eat something dumb like a cupcake and mess up my whole appetite
Evert time I think about him, I think about all thebullshit and then think, never mind
My friend is a bad dike, and she doesn't even know it!\" Who are you subtweeting?\" NotYou! The other Tarnetta
I'm back to bullshitting on Twitter. I don't usesocial media much. I'm working daily
I do not know why Kendrick put this black man, sorry black man, Meek Mill in the rappers. Henamed the bra and cannot rap. Cont
\"Act right\" - who says that nonsense? These people are crazy. Don't do my West Coastmusic, you lame motherfuckers.
At least I'm happy with knowing I'm always cooler than everyone else! I'm laughing my ass off,kind of kidding but not really
I love when you ad-lib, if that's what you call it. In my singing group that's what we call it. But it's gospel,so it could be different
In search of a nice place to do karaoke or disc jockey music that has a grown folks clientele in Baltimore  (50 &older). Contact Reggie Kelly 410-645-049
I am looking for an establishment that has a \"mature\" clintele, ages 45-50 and older. R&B, OLDIES, JAZZ,SOUTHERN SOUL/BLUES; NO HIP-HOP! CALL (410) 645-0495
I thought I hung up the phone when I went into the store to get something to eat. However, when I checked again Ramone was stillon the phone. How surprising