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Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours [Paperback] Daphne Rose Kingma (Author)
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Book Description
Publication Date: February 1, 2000
Do you fight too much? Are your differences irreconiclable? Are you bored? Are you emotionally distant. Some relationships shouldn't be saved. Sometimes breaking up is the right path to take. COMING APART eases the pain and takes the guilt out of breaking up. Learn how easy it is to take the next step in your personal development with this wise, reassuring guide. In this "bible for break-ups," Daphne Rose Kingma has helped thousands of people deal with the often shocking and always heartbreaking end of a relationship. The new edition of this book, which launched both the author and Conari Press, contains invaluable insights from 25 years of counseling. Gently and wisely, Kingma encourages people to understand why the relationship ended in order to apply these lessons to the next real and lasting love. Coming Apart offers an in-depth look at why we choose people who are wrong for us and how to avoid repeating bad choices.
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Do you fight too much? Are your differences irreconiclable? Are you bored? Are you emotionally distant. Some relationships shouldn't be saved. Sometimes breaking up is the right path to take. COMING APART eases the pain and takes the guilt out of breaking up. Learn how easy it is to take the next step in your personal development with this wise, reassuring guide. In this "bible for break-ups," Daphne Rose Kingma has helped thousands of people deal with the often shocking and always heartbreaking end of a relationship. The new edition of this book, which launched both the author and Conari Press, contains invaluable insights from 25 years of counseling. Gently and wisely, Kingma encourages people to understand why the relationship ended in order to apply these lessons to the next real and lasting love. Coming Apart offers an in-depth look at why we choose people who are wrong for us and how to avoid repeating bad choices.
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Editorial Reviews
Amazon.com Review
Clearly, one of the most complicated and devastating experiences of life, next to the death of a loved one, is the death of a relationship. Daphne Rose Kingma offers a process and a way of examining relationships that is not only healing and helpful through the process and after, but provides the basis for using the breakup of a relationship to become stronger and more able to love again. --This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.
Review
Daphne Rose Kingma writes with such elegance that she could turn 'self-help' into a literary genre. --L.A. Weekly
Thought-provoking perspectives on relationships. --News Tribune
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Product Details
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Conari Press; 02 edition (February 1, 2000)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1573241776
ISBN-13: 978-1573241779
Product Dimensions: 9.1 x 6.1 x 0.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 8.8 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review: 4.1 out of 5 stars See all reviews (54 customer reviews)
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank: #41,192 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
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An undisputed expert on matters of the heart, Daphne Rose Kingma has been a therapist for more than twenty-five years, and is a frequent guest on television programs like "Oprah," "Sally Jessy Raphael," and "Leeza." She is the author of six previous books, including the bestsellers Finding True Love and Coming Apart. Kingma lives in Santa Barbara, California.
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87 of 87 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars The best in class, September 18, 2000
By A Customer
This review is from: Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours (Mass Market Paperback) I read an older edition of this book about 7 years ago when my marriage was ending. I have tons of self-help books on my shelves from that period in my life. One of the reviews below panned this book because he/she thought it would be horrible for someone who was 'on the fence' about ending a relationship. I don't think this is the book for that type of person - there are plenty of others out there for someone who wants to try to salvage their relationship. This book is for someone who has done everything they can to keep things together or to feel the same love (or ANY love) for the person they once cared for, but they don't. Or it's for the person who has been dumped and has tried everything to get their love back but can't. It's over. Now what can you do to accept and understand it? This book will help you to understand why the relationship ended and why you two got together in the first place. It's a wonderful book for that purpose and I would recommend it to anyone who's going through the pain of a breakup.
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53 of 53 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Prerequisite reading for *beginning* a relationship!, February 22, 2004
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This review is from: Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours (Paperback) I think each new relationship would benefit so much if all parties were to read this before going IN! Kingma challenges us to look at the myth that relationships "should last forever" --and consequently why our self-esteem takes such a beating when they actually don't! (Surprise!) Her basic premise is that relationships are a series of processes by which we complete developmental tasks in our life journey of self-discovery/creation. Case studies illustrate how this plays out in the various ways.
From reading this book, I gained much comfort and understanding about my present-coming-apart-relationship. Although I initiated it, I was feeling much pain. The clarity that I gained--about why we choose the partners we do--helped to stop the angst. Such gems of simple yet profound wisdom: "Love...does not conquer all. Real love, enduring love...is the quiet recognition and ongoing appreciation of another person, the experience of continually sharing what is important to you."
The chapters on pampering yourself, and the rituals for completion are absolutely valuable!
I feel heartened and strengthened by her words in the chapter "Is there Love After Love?": "Eventually we all get to the place where--except for fine-tunings and refinements-we have learned pretty much who we are. We have sorted out our preferences from the vast number of possibilities we all have as human beings, and we know what we want to spend our lives doing..."
"...You will love and have a happy life with the person whose looks, nature, habits, preferences, values and priorities call forth the truest expression of yourself, the person who invites you to blossom and grow."
This book is kind of a condensed version of the "Future of Love" which I also highly recommend. (I bought several copies of each of these to share with friends.)
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42 of 42 people found the following review helpful:
4.0 out of 5 stars One of the Best, January 20, 2004
By A Customer
This review is from: Coming Apart: Why Relationships End and How to Live Through the Ending of Yours (Paperback) Of all the books I've read on divorce and separation, this was the first to make me feel okay about the end of my marriage - the first to make me realize that even though I could have been a better partner it wasn't all my fault, or all his, even though he was the one who left.
Sometimes we get out of a relationship what we needed at the time, and then when that stage of our personal development has been completed, we no longer need that particular partner, and we find out that the partnership is empty and lifeless. We see that really we have very little to say to each other, no shared activities or common values or intellectual affinities, and no real connection is happening.
The book does not gloss over the pain and confusion of a separation, but it does take away some of the self-doubt and self-blame that come with it. If you are ready to accept the fact that your marriage or relationship is really over, then this is the book for you.
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Most Recent Customer Reviews
5.0 out of 5 stars THE best book on surviving the end of a relationship. Period.
I heard Cheryl Richardson (the life style coach) recommend this book on her radio show on Hay House. Read more
Published 4 months ago by Barbara Brennan
5.0 out of 5 stars Painful breakup? This is the book you need.
After my 3-year relationship came to an end, this book was recommended to me. Although I knew the breakup was best for both of us, I was having a hard time dealing with the... Read more
Published 5 months ago by Clevelandgal
1.0 out of 5 stars To Read
Haven't had the chance to read this yet, but am looking forward to it since I was in a 30 plus year relationship that fell apart and hurt me to the core.
Published 7 months ago by Karen E. Maleske
1.0 out of 5 stars CAUTION!!!
This book basically teaches you to use people and get over them. It actually makes you think that Love and relationships are BOTH ALWAYS TEMPERARY because you "Choose" to Love and... Read more
Published 8 months ago by Lightning
1.0 out of 5 stars Shallow and selfish
This book presents alot of nonsense in the guise of being helpful. It was a 'downer', for sure. It speaks of people simply using relationships to complete their emotional work and... Read more
Published 12 months ago by Love never fails!
5.0 out of 5 stars Very good book!
The book arrived on time and so far so good. I'm not done with reading it yet!
Published 14 months ago by laurac1031
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book, Give it to your friends
I used this book at the end of my marriage, when it was clear it was over. It was an immense help to get through some of the stages more quickly than just toughing it out. Read more
Published 14 months ago by John O
5.0 out of 5 stars The best book on divorce I know
I read this book when I was going through a divorce in 1993-94. I did not want the divorce and was in a lot of pain. Read more
Published 15 months ago by Nancy A. Thome
5.0 out of 5 stars Great Book
Very well done with case by case thoughts. Very easy read and practical advise for anyone in a break-up situation.
Published 16 months ago by David K James
5.0 out of 5 stars Coming Apart
coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma is a great book to help you find closure when a relationship ends. Read more
Published on November 8, 2009 by Nancy Flowers
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ENDING A RELATIONSHIP IS SO PAINFUL and makes us feel so awful-bad, hopeless, inadequate, desperate, lost, lonely, and worthless-that most of us are afraid we won't live through it. Read the first page
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This book cites 4 books:
True Love: How to Make Your Relationship Sweeter, Deeper and More Passionate by Daphne Rose Kingma in Front Matter, and Back Matter
Coming Apart by Daphne Rose Kingma in Front Matter (1), and Front Matter (2)
Random Acts of Kindness by The Editors of Conari Press in Back Matter
The Future of Love by Daphne Rose Kingma in Back Matter
13 books cite this book:
Divorce & New Beginnings: A Complete Guide to Recovery, Solo Parenting, Co-Parenting, and Stepfamilies by Genevieve Clapp on page 159, and Back Matter
The Everything Dating Book by Leah Furman on page 204
Under Her Wing : The Mentors Who Changed Our Lives by Barbara Quick in Back Matter
Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody in Back Matter
Sex, Love & Health: A Self-Help Guide to Love & Sex by Brigitte Mars in Back Matter See all 13 books citing this book
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