S: EXT - LA LOUISIANE (TAVERN) - NIGHT
N: We see a small basement tavern, with a old rustic sign out front that reads, "La Louisiane".
C: A SUBTITLE APPEARS:
D: "The Village of
C: NADINE, FRANCE"
D: TWO SHOT LT.HICOX and LT.ALDO RAINE Aldo is dressed like a French civilian. Hicox is dressed in a German grey S.S. Cap't uniform. They look out of a window, in a apartment, in the village of Nadine, overlooking the tavern.
C: LT.ALDO
D: You didn't say the goddamn rendez-vous was in a fuckin basement.
C: LT.HICOX
D: I didn't know.
C: LT.ALDO
D: You said it was in a tavern?
C: LT.HICOX
D: it is a tavern.
C: LT.ALDO
D: Yeah, in a basement. You know, fightin in a basement offers a lot of difficulties, number one being, your fighting in a basement. Wilhelm Wicki, joins the SHOT, dressed in a German S.S. Lieutenant uniform.
C: WICKI
D: What if we go in there, and she's not even there?
C: LT.HICOX
D: We wait. Don't worry, she's a British spy, she'll make the rendez-vous. WE SEE the other Basterds, dressed in French civilian clothes, are in the room as well, they are, Donowitz, Hirschberg, and Utivich. And in the back of the room, dressed in the grey uniform of a S.S. Lieutenant, Hugo Stiglitz sits off by himself, sharpening his S.S. DAGGER on his leather belt looped around his boot. Anybody not in the scene from the Basterds opening chapter, is dead. Lt.Hicox watches Stiglitz off by himself on the other side of the room, SHARPENS his dagger menacingly. .Stiglitz is fucking werid... Lt.Hicox approaches Stiglitz...
C: LT.NICOX
D: Stiglitz, right?
C: STIGLITZ
D: That's right, sir. He continues bringing the blades edge, up, then, down on the leather strap.
C: LT.HICOX
D: I hear your pretty good with that? Meaning the blade. Stiglitz doesn't answer.
C: LT.HICOX
D: You know, we're not looking for trouble, right now. We're simply making contact with our agent. Should be uneventful. However, on the off chance I'm wrong, and things prove eventful. I need to know, we can all remain calm.
N: The renegade Gerry Sergeant, stops his blades progress, and looks up at the limy Lieutenant.
C: STIGLITZ
D: I don't look calm to you?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Well, now you put it like that,
C: I guess you do.
D: He turns his attention back to his blade. Hicox moves over to Aldo, and asks him privately;
C: LT. HI COX
D: This Gerry of yours, Stiglitz? Not exactly the loquacious type, is he? Aldo just looks at him.
C: LT.ALDO
D: Is that the kinds man you need, the loquacious type?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Fair point, Lieutenant.
C: LT.ALDO
D: So y'all git in trouble in there, what are we suppose to do? Make bets on how it all comes out?
C: LT.HICOX
D: If we get into trouble, we can handle it. But if trouble does happen, we need you to make damn sure no Germans, or French, for matter, escape from that basement. If Frau Von Hammersmark's cover is compromised, the mission is kaput.
C: SGT.DONOWITZ
D: Speaking of Frau Von Hammersmark, who's idea was it for the death trap redez-vous?
C: LT.HICOX
D: She chose the spot.
C: SGT.DONOWITZ
D: Well isn't that just dandy?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Look, she's not a military strategist. She's just a actress.
C: LT.ALDO
D: Ya don't got to be Stonewall Jackson to know you don't want to fight in a basement.
C: LT.HICOX
D: She wasn't picking a place to fight. She was picking a place, isolated, and without germans.
C: PFC.HIRSCHBERG
D: Lieutenant, I hate to be contrary, but I got me a Nazi pissin on Louisianna two-o'clock. They move to the window, and sure enough, ONE LONE NAZI PRIVATE, relieves himself against the side wall. Lt.Bicox, this was definitely, not the plan.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Shit. Sgt.Donowitz chides him;
C: SGT.DONOWITZ
D: So what do you think your fraulein Von Hammer -
C: LT.HICOX
D: - Obviously, I don't know,Sgt. The British officer watches the German soldier, who's not suppose to be there. When Hugo Stiglitz joins him at the window. Stiglitz looks down at the urinating Nazi, S.S. dagger in hand.
C: STIGLITZ
D: If we're going, let's go. He sheaths the dagger.
S: EXT - LA LOUISIANE (BASEMENT TAVERN) - NIGHT
N: The GERMAN PISSING PRIVATE, sloppily finishes his task. Craming his noodle back in his pants, he descends the stairs that lead him back into the basement tavern. We Follow him...
S: INT - LA LOUISIANE (BASEMENT TAVERN)- NIGHT
N: .Inside the basement tavern, La Louisiane. it has a very low hanging basement ceiling. A old looking wood bar off to the right. And the only other space in the little tavern, is taken up by two large(at least in here) tables, which take up both half's of the room. And despite rumors to the contrary, one of the two tables, is completely filled with drunken celebrating Nazi enlisted men, of which our urinating friend is one of five.
C: FIVE NAZI'S
D: ONE GERMAN MASTER SGT, ONE FEMALE GERMAN SGT , and THREE MALE GERMAN PRIVATES. The Five Nazi's are sitting around the table, drinking, and playing a very fun game with none other then the fraulein of the hour, UFA diva, BRIDGET VON HAMMERSMARK. Dressed to the nines in a chic Forties style women's suit, complete with fedora. The game their playing consists of each player having a card with the name of a famous person, real or imaginary, stuck to their forehead. The player doesn't know what name is on their forehead. So they ask the others questions to figure out who they are. The Five Germans, five cards read; MASTER SGT #1 ,
E: a powerfully built stocky type POLA NEGRI
N: FEMALE SGT #2(BEETHOVEN), GERMAN PRIVATE #3(MATA HARI), GERMAN PRIVATE #4 (EDGAR WALLACE), GERMAN PRIVATE #5 (WINNETOU). And Bridget Von Hammersmark, who wears her card in the brim of her fedora, has GENGHIS KHAN. It's German#5 (WINNETOU) turn to ask questions. The DIALOGUE will be in GERMAN, and SUBTITLED into ENGLISH. Also, while some dialogue will be written for the German Soldiers, it will be mostly made up from the exuberance of their game playing, and celebrating.
C: WINNETOU
D: .okay, I'm not German. Am I American? The whole table bursts out laughing.
C: FEMALE SGT/BEETHOVEN
D: Yes you arel
C: EDGAR WALLACE
D: Well, not really.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: What do you mean, not really? Of course he is.
C: EDGAR WALLACE
D: Well if he's so American, how come he's never been translated into English? He's not American. He's suppose to be American, but he's not a American creation. In fact, he's something very different.
C: WINNETOU
D: Okay, I'm a fictional, literary character, from the past, I'm American, and that's controversial.
C: BRIDGET/GENGUS
D: No it's not controversial. The nationally of the author, has nothing to do with the nationally of the character. The Character is the character. Hamlet's not British, he's Danish. So yes, this character was born in America.
C: WINNETOU
D: Well I'm glad that's settled. If I had a wife, would she be called a squaw? He's got it. The table Laughs. The TABLE
N: YES!
C: WINNETOU
D: Is my bloodbrother, Old Shatterhand?
C: The TABLE
D: Yes!
C: WINNETOU
D: Did Karl May write me?
C: The TABLE
D: Yes! In the BACKGROUND, WE SEE, our three counterfeit German Officers, Hicox, Wicki, and Stiglitz, enter the basement tavern. They obviously. see the five German soldiers, but their too far away for us to read their face. No doubt their less then happy. Fraulein Von Hammersmark see's them as well. Without getting up, she waves to them.
E: the audience
N: QZ
C: BRIDGET
D: Hello, my lovelies, I will join you in moments. I'm finishing up a game with my five new friends here.
C: LT.HICOX
D: No hurry, Frau Von Hammersmark. Take your time, enjoy yourself.
C: BRIDGET
D: So who are you?
E: To Winnetou
C: WINNETOU
D: I am WINNETOU, CHIEF of the APACHES! The table CHEERS, and APPLAUD the Apache Chief, as he takes the card off his forehead. The other Four German Soldiers drink down there beer . Bridget Von Hammersmark knock backs her champagne.
E: part of the game
C: MATA HARI
D: Frau Von Hammersmark, when your friends came in, did you realize you did a double take, like in the movies?
C: BRIDGET
D: Really? No, I wasn't aware of that at all.
C: MATA HARI
D: They must be second nature to you now? Did they teach you how to do a double take in the movies?
C: BRIDGET
D: Well, yes they did, but it's not really that difficult.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Do one for us. The Tableheartily agrees. Bridget looks directly at the Master Sgt, and does a perfect, and perfectly funny, Double Take. The Table loves it.
N: q3.
C: MATA HARI
D: My turn, I want to try. Mata Hari, looks directly at Beethoven, and does a Double Take.
C: EDGER WALLACE I want to try.
D: He does. Soon the whole Table is doing dueling Double Takes.
N: HICOX - WICKI - STIGLITZ watch the table do dueling Double Takes. Obviously, they don't understand.
C: THEN...
D: .Bridget Von Hammersmark rises, and excuses herself from the Table. She removes the card stuck in her fedora, looking at the name Gengus Khaun for the first time.
C: BRIDGET
D: Gengus Khaun! I would never of gotten that. She walks over, and joins the masquerading Germans table, the Gentlemen rise. She greets each warmly with a french cheek kiss, as if she knows them well. They all take a seat. The two Basterds, and one Brit, drink Whiskey. The taverns PROPRIETOR, a older, big bellyed Frenchman named EARL, comes over to the table, and pours more champagne into Bridget's Champagne glass. He leaves, returning back behind the bar, with the YOUNG FRENCH BARMAID, the only other person in the establishment. Obviously, they speak GERMAN, SUBTITLED into ENGLISH;
C: LT.HICOX
D: I thought this place was suppose to have more French then Germans?
C: BRIDGET
D: Normally that's true. The Sgt over there's wife, just had a baby. His commanding officer gave him, and his mates the night off to celebrate.
C: WICXI
D: We should leave.
C: BRIDGET
D: F No, we should stay. For one drink at least. I've been waiting for you in a bar, it would look strange if we left before we had a drink.
C: LT.HICOX
D: She's right, just be calm, and enjoy your booze.
N: BACK TO THE GERMAN TABLE The French Barmaid, has taken Bridget's place in the rousing, rowdy game. She tells them, her person must be French, or she won't know them. Winnetou thinks for a moment, then writes a name on a card. The Barmaid puts it on her forehead, It says;
C: NAPOLEON.
D: The Germans all laugh.
N: BACK TO THE BASTERDS TABLE
C: BRIDGET
D: There's been some new developments. The cinema venue has changed.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Why?
C: BRIDGET
D: No one knows. But that in itself shouldn't be a problem. The cinema it's been changed to is considerably smaller then The Ritz. So whatever materials you brought for The Ritz, should be doubly effective here. Now this next piece of information is colossal, try not to over react. The Fubrer, will be attending tomorrow. Hugo Stiglitz does a SPIT TAKE. Bridget's eyes bore holes in him.
N: BACK TO THE REAL GERMANS They see Hugo do the spit take, and burst out laughing. Keeping it up, they begin to do dueling spit takes, like they did dueling double takes earlier. Needless to say, they all get wet. BACK TO BASTERDS
C: BRIDGET
D: You'll be going as Ernst Schuller. You'll say your a associate producer on Riefenstahl's "Tiefland". It's the one German production not under Goebbels control, and Leni wouldn't be caught dead at a Goebbels film affair.
E: To Hicox
N: BACK TO REAL GERMAN TABLE Master Sgt.Pola Negri, drinks his beer, as he looks over, dreamily, at Bridget Von Hammersmark at the other table.
C: BACK TO BASTERDS
D: We See in Bridget continues to brief Hicox on his identity. the B.G., the German Master Sgt stand up from his table, and head toward Fraulein Von Bammersmark.
C: BRIDGET
D: .the films gone through many delays, and Leni's heath is deteriorating, so if you have to speak... Hicox, seeing the German Master Sgt approach, signals for her to cool it.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Frau Von Hammersmark, I was just thinking, could you sign a autograph to my son on his birthday?
C: BRIDGET
D: I'd love to Wilhelm. This handsome happy Sgt, just became a father today. The Pretend Officers offer congratulations to the Sgt. The German Master Sgt, CLICKS his heels, and bows before his superior officers.
E: To the Table
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Thank you, heil Hitler. He raises his hand .... as do the seated phony officers; "Heil Hitler". As she takes a rather fancy fountain pen from her clutch..
C: BRIDGET
D: So Wilhelm, do you know the name of this progeny yet?
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: I most certainly do, fraulein. His name is Maximilian. Even the slightly psychotic Stiglitz, likes this German Sgt.
C: STIGLITZ
D: Wonderful name, Sgt.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Thank you, Lieutenant. When he's old enough to ride a bicycle, I will buy him a blue one. And I will paint on the side "The Blue Max". He thrusts out his beer stein, for the officers to cheers. They do. Bridget finishes signing her autograph, with a big flourish.
C: BRIDGET
D: There you go. But wait, I'm not finished yet. She reaches into her clutch, and pulls out some lipstick. Applies some ruby red color to her lips, and then kisses the napkin, leaving a big red lip print. Then hands the treasured item to the young father.
C: BRIDGET
D: Nothing but the best for little Maximilian.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Thank you fraulein, thank you. Max may not know who you are now. But he will. I will show him all of your movies. He will grow up with your films, and this napkin on his wall. Then, to the whole tavern...
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: I purpose a toast to the greatest actress in Germany! There is no Dietrich, there is no Riefenstahl, only Von Hammersmark! The whole room toasts. This would be a good time for the German Sgt to go back to his table, and his men. And he almost does.... but... since he is drunk, and star struck, he out wears his welcome.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: So, Frau Von Hammersmark, what brings you to France?
N: 97 . Feeling any good Nazi officer's patience would of been exhausted long ago, Lt.Hicox butts in.
C: LT.HICOX
D: None of your business,Sgt. You might not have worn out your welcome with the fraulein, with your drunken boorish behavior, but you have wore out your welcome with me. The Table of game playing Soldiers, hear this, and get quiet.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Might I remind you Sgt.,your a enlisted man. This is a officers table. I suggest you stop pestering the fraulein, and rejoin your table. The German Master Sgt., looks quizzically at the officer.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Excuse me Cap't, but your accent is is very unusual. The whole room pauses-for different reasons...
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: Where are you from? A silent moment passes between the two tables, then the two German born impostors spring into action.
C: WICKI
D: Sgt.! You must be ether drunk or mad, to speak to a superior officer with such impertinentness! Stiglitz, STANDS and YELLS to the other table;
C: STIGLITZ I'm making YOU,...
D: (Pointing at
C: WINNETOU) .and YOU,..
D: .responsible, for him. I suggest you take hold of your friend, or he'll spend Max's first birthday in jail for public drunkenness!
E: Pointing at Edgar Wallace Pointing at Sgt.Pola
N: The Germans SPRING UP, and take hold of Sgt.Pola... 1W
C: WHEN...
D: A GERMAN VOICE rings out;
C: GERMAN VOICE Then might I inquire?
D: The Five known Germans move aside, reveling the unknown German in the room, unseen till now, our old friend from before MAJOR DEITER HELLSTROM of the GESTAPO. The Major stands from the little table he was sitting at.
E: OS
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Like the young newly christened father, I too have a acute ear for accents. And like him, I too find yours odd. From where do you hail, Cap't? Wicki jumps in;
C: WICKI
D: Major, this is highly inappr -
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: T wasn't speaking to you Lt.Saltzberg, (Turning to
C: STIGLITZ)
D: or you ether, Lt.Berlin. (Looking at
C: HICOX)
D: I was speaking to Cap't I--don't-know-what. The Gestapo Major is now standing beside Sgt.Pola, before the impostors table. Lt.Hicox, calmly explains his origin.
C: LT.HICOX
D: I was born in the village that rests in the shadow of Piz Palu.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: The mountain?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Yes. In that village we all speak like this. Have you seen the Riefenstahl film?
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Yes.
N: f q s
C: LT. HICOX
D: Then you saw me. You remember the skiing torch scene?
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Yes I do.
C: LT.HICOX
D: In that scene was myself, my father, my sister, and my two brothers. My brother is so handsome, the director Pabst, gave him a Close Up. As Bridget Von Hammersmark places a cigarette in a ivory cigarette holder, which Hicox, as if on cue, lights for her, she says;
C: BRIDGET
D: Major, if my word means anything, I can vouch for everything the Young Cap't has just said. He does hail from the bottom of Piz Palu, he was in the film, and his brother is far more handsome then he. The impostors laugh. Then....so does the Gestapo Major. He turns to the Sgt.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: You should rejoin your friends. Which the young Sgt is more then happy to do. That table begins playing there game again. Major Hellstrom, the highest ranking officer in the room, bows graciously to the female German celebrity.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: May I join you?
C: BRIDGET
D: By all means, Major. The Gestapo Major sits at the table, opposite Lt.Hicox, and Wicki. The French Barmaid brings over the Majors beer stein.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: So that's the source of your bazaar accent? Extraordinary. So what are you doing here Cap't?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Aside from having a drink with the lovely fraulein?
N: ,00 .
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Well that pleasure requires no explanation. Chuckle...Chuckle
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: I mean in country. Your obviously not stationed in France, or I'd know who you are.
C: LT I'! I COX
D: You know every German in France?
C: MAJOR BELLSTROM
D: Worth knowing.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Well, there in lies the problem. We never claimed to be worth knowing. Chuckle... Chuckle.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: All levity aside, what are you doing in France?
E: Chuckling as he asks
C: LT.HICOX
D: Attending Goebbels film premiere as the frauleins escort.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Your the frauleins escort?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Somebody has to carry the lighter. Chuckle chuckle.
C: BRIDGET
D: The Captain is my date, but all three are my guests. We're old friends Major, who go back along time. Longer then a actress would care to admit. Chuckle chuckle.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Well, in that case, let me raise a glass to the three luckiest men in the room.
C: BRIDGET
D: I'll drink to that.
N: They cheers. BACK TO THE REAL GERMAN TABLE They continue to have alot of fun playing their game. BACK TO OFFICERS TABLE
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: I must say, that game their playing looks like a good bit of fun. I didn't join them, because your quite right Cap't, officers and enlisted men shouldn't fraternize. But seeing as we're all officers here, (Bowing to
C: BRIDGET)
D: .and sophisticated lady friends of officers. What say we play the game? Lt.Hicox begins to refuse, when Bridget , interrupts him;
E: feeling she knows better
C: BRIDGET
D: okay, one game.
N: MAJOR HELLSTROM
C: WUNDERBAR
D: The Major borrows five cards from the other table, and lays them out in front of Bridget and the officers.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: So the object of the game, is to write the name of a famous person on your card. Real or fictitious, doesn't matter. For instance, you could write Confucius or Fu Manchu. (He SNAPS his
C: FINGERS)
D: Eric' More pens. And they must be famous. No Aunt Inga's. When you finish writing, put the card face down on the table, and move it to the person to your left. The person to your right, will move their card in front of you. You pick up the card without looking at it, lick the back, and stick it on your forehead like so. He demonstrates.
E: Back to players
N: )oz. MAJOR HELLSTROM (CON'T) And in ten yes or no questions, you must guess who you are... As Major Hellstrom finishes explaining the finer points of the game, The CAMERA PANS OFF HIM, and BEGINS SLOWLY ZOOMING INTO STIGLITZ. The Majors dialogue begins to FADE AWAY. Untill we're in a SPAGHETTI WESTERN FLASHBACK. Which is RED FILTERED FOOTAGE of Hugo being savagely WHIPPED by somebody wearing a GESTAPO UNIFORM, SUPERIMPOSED over his CLOSE UP. The Flashback disappears. It's driving Stiglitz crazy, being this close to a Gestapo uniform, and not plunging a knife into it. The Majors Voice comes back on the soundtrack.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: .So let's give it a try, shall we? Everybody write your names. The Five players write their names... Then move their cards to the right... Everybody sticks their cards on their forehead...
N: MAJORBRIDGETWILHELMARCHIEHUGO
C: HELLSTROMVON HAMMERSMARKWICKIHICOXSTIGLITZ
D: is is is is is
N: KING MARCOBULLDOGBRIGITTEG.W. KONG POLO DRUMMOND HELM PABST
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: I'll start, give you the idea.
C: Am I German?
D: They laugh.
C: BRIDGET
D: No.
C: MAJ.KING KONG Am I a American?
D: They laugh - but then Wicki says;
C: WICKI
D: Wait a minute, he goes to
N: !03 .
C: BRIDGET
D: Don't be ridiculous, obviously he wasn't born in America.
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: So... . I visited America, aye? The Table says; "Yes".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Was this vist...fortuitous?
C: WICKI
D: Not for you.
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: .Bummm. My native land, is it what one would call, exotic? The Table confers, and decides, yes it is exotic.
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Hummmm. That could be ether a reference to the jungle, or the Orient. I'm going to let my first instinct take over, and ask, am I from the jungle? The Tablesays; "Yes you are".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Now gentlemen, around this time you could ask, weather your real or fictitious. I however, think that's too easy, so I won't ask that, yet. Okay, my native land is the jungle? I visited America, but my visit was not fortuitous to me, but the implication is that it was to somebody else. When I went from the jungle to America,... .Did I go by boat? "Yes".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Did I go against my will? "Yes".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: On this boat ride, ... . Was I in chains?
N: "YESIS
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: When I arrived in America,...Was I displayed in chains? "Yes".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Am I the story of the Negro in America? The Table says, "No".
C: MAJ.KING KONG
D: Well then I must be King Kong. Be throws the card on the table. They applaud him.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Nov since I answered correctly, you all need to finnish your drinks. The three counterfeit Nazi's knock back their whiskey.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Now, who's next?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Major, I don't mean to be rude. But the four of us are very good friends. And the four of us haven't seen each other in quite a while. So... Major, I'm afraid, you are intruding.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: I beg to differ Cap't. It's only if the fraulein considers my presence a intrusion, that I become a intruder. How about it fraulein? Am I intruding?
C: BRIDGET
D: Of course not, Major.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: I didn't think so. It's simply the young Cap't is immune to my charms. The Table's not sure what to do, is this a confrontation? Then, the Major laughs.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: I'm just joking, of course I'm intruding.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Allow me to refill your glasses gentlemen, and I will bid you and the fraulein adieu. Eric has a bottle of thirty-three year old single malt scotch whisky from the Scottish highlands. What do you say gentlemen?
E: Leaning in
C: LT.HICOX
D: Your most gracious, sir.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Eric, the thirty-three, and new glasses! You don't want to contaminate the thirty- three with the swill you were drinking.
C: ERIC
D: How many glasses?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Five glasses.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Not me. I like scotch, scotch doesn't like me.
C: BRIDGET
D: Nor I. I'll stay with bubbly. Lt.Bicox, hold up three fingers , to Eric the owner.
E: pinky to index
C: LT.HICOX
D: Three glasses. Eric brings the three glasses, and the old bottle, pouring for the three soldiers. Major Helistrom lifts up his beer stein, and toasts;
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: To a thousand year Reich! They all mutter, "a thousand year reich", and toast glasses. The Gestapo Major puts down his beer stein, and then WE HEAR a CLICK, under the table.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Did you hear that? That's the sound of my Luger pointed right at your testicles.
N: !Q(
C: LT.HICOX
D: Why do you have a Luger pointed at my testicles?
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Because you've just given yourself away, Cap't. Your no more German then that scotch.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Well, -Major -
C: BRIDGET
D: - Major -
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: - Shut up slut. You were saying?
E: To Hicox
C: LT.HICOX
D: I was saying that makes two of us. I've had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.
C: SGT.STIGLITZ
D: That makes three of us.
C: UNDERTABLE
D: We See all three guns pointed at appropriate crotches. As well as Bridget's legs, right besides the Nazi Major's. Her pretty gams are sure to be chewed up in the possible crossfire.
C: SGT.STIGLITZ
D: And at this range, I'm a real Fredrick Zoller. Hugo alsobrings out his dagger, and sitcks it in the table top.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Hummmmm ... Looks like we have a bit of a sticky situation here.
C: LT. H ICOX
D: What's going to happen, Major, is your going to stand up, and walk out that door with us.
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: No no no no no no, I don't think so. I'm afraid you and I both know, no matter what happens to anybody else in this room, the two of us aren't going anywhere.
N: "7 .
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Too bad about them though. They seem like a likeable You two will have to shoot them.
E: pointing behind him at the table referring to Stiglitz and Wicki
C: BRIDGET
D: Then Major, i implore you. For the sake of those German troops, will you please leave with us?
C: MAJOR HELLSTROM
D: Oh Bridget, your concern for German troops, gets me .right here. You mean for the sake your whore legs, don't you? You can't afford to get any bullet holes in them, your not finished spreading them for all the Hollywood Jews. Lt.Hicox picks up his thirty-three year old single malt scotch, and says;
E: Pointing at his heart
N: LT.HICOX (ENGLISH) 'Well, if this is it old boy, I hope you dont mind if I go out speaking the kings? MAJOR HELLSTROM (ENGLISH) By all means, Cap't. The English film critic, commando, picks up the thirty-three the Nazi Major bought him, and says;
C: LT.HICOX
D: There's a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch. And seeing as I might be rapping on the door momentarily... He downs the stuff.
C: LT.HICOX
D: (To the Nazi
C: MAJOR)
D: I must say, damn good stuff, sir.
N: He puts the glass down.
C: LT.HICOX
D: Now about this, "Pickle", we find ourself's in. It would appear, there's only thing left for you to do.
N: MAJOR HELLSTROM (ENGLISH) And what would that be?
C: LT.HICOX
D: Stiglitz.
C: STIGLITZ
D: Say, auf wiedersehen to your balls!
C: STIGLITZ FIRES into HELLSTROM'S BALLS...
D: As does HICOX, HITTING not only Hellstrom, but BRIDGET as well.
C: HELLSTROM
D: FIRES into HICOX'S BALLS and KNEE CAPS.
C: STIGLITZ
D: then JUMPS over the table, and begins STABBING HELLSTROM with the
C: DAGGER.
D: HICOX FALLS to the floor....DEAD. BRIDGET FALLS to the floor.,SHOT.
C: WICKI
D: brings his weapon out from underneath the table, and BEGINS FIRING across at The GERMANS at the table, who unaware, were still PLAYING THE GAME.
C: WINNETOU
D: is SHOT IN THE BACK, before he even knew what was happening. EDGAR WALLACE and The FRENCH BARMAID are both SHOT by WICKI.
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: FALLS to the floor in the confusion. FEMALE SGT.BEETHOVEN and STIGLITZ bring their guns toward each other and FIRE. They BOTH TAKE and GIVE each other so many BULLETS, it's almost romantic when they collapse DEAD on the floor.
C: I 09. WICKI and HATA HARI
D: both ON THERE atMATA AARI is HIT THREE TIM atally)G
C: SGT.POLA NEGRI
D: comes the a CHINE GUNN,
C: whole thehroom;,BWIPI NGERIC.
D: The SHOOTING STOPS...the SMOKE caused by the gunfire ... starts to DISSIPATE... The only one in the room left alive, is the young German Sgt, with the machine gunn. WE HEAR the feet of the soldiers outside, reach the basement entrance. The door opens... , .The German Sgt, sends FIFTY BULLETS in the doors direction... No one goes through it. What we have here, is a rabbit hole like situation. No one inside is getting out, no one outside is getting in. The young German Sgt, YELLS in ENGLISH, to the outside;
C: GERMAN SGT
D: You outside! Who are you? British, American, what? Aldo's Voice YELLS down the hole;
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Were American's 1 What are you?
E: OS
C: GERMAN SGT
D: I'm a German you idiot!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: You speak English pretty good for a German!
E: OS
C: GERMAN SGT
D: I agree! So let's talk!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Okay, talk!
E: OS
C: GERMAN SGT
D: I'm a father! My baby was born today in Frankfurt! Five hours ago! His name is Max! We were in here drinking and celebrating! They're the ones that came in shooting and killing! It's not my fault!
N: Ito.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Okay, okay, it wasn't your fault! What's your name soldier?
E: OS
C: GERMAN SGT
D: Wilhelm!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: That's the same name as one of the guys you just killed!
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: They attacked us!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Okay Wilhelm... .is anybody alive on our side?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: No! We hear a VOICE OFF SCREEN, yell out;
C: BRIDGET'S VOICE
D: I'm alive! Wilhelm spins in the direction of the voice.
E: OS
N: STILL
C: R
D: On the floor, with a bullet in her BLOODY LEG, lies the alive Bridget Von Hammersmark. The German Sgt points the muzzle of the machine gunn at the German celebrity; with hate in his eyes.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Who's that?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: (To BRIDGET,
C: LOW)
D: Make a sound whore, and I spit! Meaning the muzzle.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Wilhelm, who is that?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: is the girl on your side? Pause.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Which girl?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: 1 Who do you think, Von Hammersmark!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Yeah, she's oar's!
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: (To Bridget
C: LOW in GERMAN)
D: I thought so. So you run with the American's now, huh? Now times are bad?
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Is she okay?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: (To Bridget
C: LOW in GERMAN)
D: You despicable traitor. She's been shot, but she's alive. (To Bridget
E: To Aldo
C: LOW in GERMAN)
D: For now. We hear The Basterds Curse their luck Off Screen.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Okay Wilhelm, what'd ya say we make a deal?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: What's your name?
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Aldo. Wilhelm, can I call yap Willi?
E: OS
C: WILHELM
D: Yes.
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: So Willi, you know we could lob three or four or five or six grenades down there, and your little war story ends here. But good fer you, bad fer her, you die, she dies. So what say we make a swap?
E: OS
C: WILLI
D: Keep talking?
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Okay, Willi here's my deal! You let me and one of my men come down to take the girl away! And we take the girl, and leave! That simple, Willi! You go your way, we go ours! And little Max, gets to grow up playing catch with his daddy! So what'ya say, Willi, we got a deal? Willi thinks... Bridget watches Willi think...
E: OS
C: WILLI
D: Aldo?
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: I'm here Willi!
E: OS
C: WILLI
D: I want to trust you.... But howcanI?
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: What choice ya got?
E: OS
C: WILLI
D: I could kill the girl!
C: ALDO'S VOICE
D: Well now, Willi, that's true enough. But something you need to know, so you don't get the wrong idea. Ain't none of us give a fuck bout that girl. But, admittedly, if you kill her, it would fuck up our plans. But you'll be dead by then anyway, so what'd you care? And lets not forget that little gatzenjammer Max, growin up without a pop. So in the spirit of gettin you home to him, we got a deal, Willi?
E: OS
C: WILLI
D: Okay Aldo, I'm going to trust you! Come down, no guns! Aldo and Hirschberg come down the stairs, showing open hands. Willi keeps his machine gunn trained on them. Aldo with his hands up, says;
N: A
C: ALDO
D: Hey Willi, what's with the machine gunny I thought we had a deal?
C: WILLI
D: We do have a deal, now git the girl and go.
C: ALDO
D: Not so fast, Willi, we only have a deal, we trust each other. A Mexican stand off ain't trust.
C: WILLI
D: You need guns on me for it to be a Mexican stand off.
C: ALDO
D: you got guns on us, you decide to shoot, we're dead. Up top, they got grenades, they drop 'em down here, your dead. That's a Mexican stand off, and that wasn't the deal.
C: WILLI
D: Just take that fucking traitor, and go! See? Now your down here Now you get tricky - t
C: ALDO
D: - No tricks!- Ain't nobody gittin tricky, Willi; I swear to god, I'm too damn dumb toget tricky. But
N: (MEANING
C: HIRSCHBERG)
D: him and I lived upto the deal. We came down without guns. Now it's your turn. No trust,no deal. Willi pointing gunn at them.,,, -thinking...
C: ALDO
D: i know your scarred. I'm scarred, he's scarred, we're all scarred. So what's it gonnabe Willi? Ether we got a deal, or you might as well just shoot us now. Willi decides... He puts the machine gunn down on the bar.
C: WILLI
D: Fine. Take that fucking traitor and get her out of my sight.
C: ALDO
D: Danka, Willi, danka. okay, Hirschbeg, you grab her shoulder -
C: WHEN...
D: From behind Aldo and Hirschberg, Bridget lifts up Major Hellstroms Luger, and EMPTIES the remaining bullets into Sgt.Willi, who FALLS to the floor, DEAD. Aldo and Hirscberg spin around shocked.
C: ALDO
D: You fuckin bitch! I had a deal with that man! From the floor, the bloody, sweaty, and in excoriating pain , German movie star, says to the two American soldier's she's just meeting for the first time;
E: she'll probably lose that leg
C: BRIDGET
D: He was a enemy soldier, who knew who I was. He couldn't live.
N: Hirscberg loses control, and RICKS the woman on the floor, hard in the side.
C: HIRSCHBERG
D: I ought'a beat your fuckin head in
C: ALDO
D: Stop it. Just pick her up, and get that bitch outta here.
C: HIRSCHBERG
D: Aldo, she just-
C: ALDO
D: - She's right.
C: HIRSCHBERG
D: What?
C: ALDO
D: I said, she's right. He was a Nazi soldier. If he lived, he would doomed the mission.
N: ELI )Is,. ALDO (CON'T) Don't mean I like it, don't mean I like her, but she's right. Now as Willi said, "take this fuckin traitor, and get 'er outta my sight".
S: EXT - LA LOUISIANE - NIGHT
N: Hirschberg, carrying Fraulein Von Hammersmark, and Aldo emerge from the bowels of the basement. Bridget points at a fancy black sedan, telling them it's her's. Aldo, Hirschberg, Bridget, Donowitz, and Utivich pile in, and take off.
