Today, my mom and I discussed gender and careers, whether or not women can have it all, and retirement. I first described career stage models in general terms, noting that in their initial conceptions, they were very male-oriented, and subsequent women-oriented models were developed that were much different in tone (e.g. the endurance stage vs the BOOM). I asked whether or not she thought it was appropriate or necessary to have separate models, and if so, why. While she thought that it was certainly less needed now, as women have greater career equality and more men are involved in childcare, disparities remain, which she views as pretty intractable. Specifically, she discussed how priorities shift and change with motherhood, sometimes unexpectedly. As I’ve noted before, she never wanted to stop working, but did so when my sister was born. Though this was in part due to the economic burden of daycare (a point I will return to), she also really wanted to be home to raise us. She thought that it is more difficult for a mother than a father to relinquish childcare responsibilities, and doesn’t see this situation changing. I think this is similar to what my sister and sister-in-law experienced. Both of them are good feminist ladies, who didn’t think that they would ever quit working, but both have expressed to me that they’d like to stay at home, and certainly have deprioritized their careers and are okay with that. I asked how she would have felt if she had kept working while my dad/Dennis stayed home, and she said she couldn’t have done it, which is interesting. She would have been happy if they had both worked, but was concerned about potential resentment developing if only she had worked (while women are just expected to stomach this resentment).
	I asked my mom if it is possible to “have it all” (meaning have a successful career, parent well, and have a strong marriage). She wasn’t optimistic. She noted the skills that are lost when one takes time off, and the high requirements of many high-level positions, saying “you aren’t working 40 hours a week, but you have to attend social events, go out at night, and end up working 60 hours a week. How do you balance a family with that?” She also thought that the ability to have it all likely depends on the flexibility of one’s job, in that some jobs (she mentioned doctors and hourly store attendants or clerks) do not have flexibility in their work hours, and might struggle to meet their parental requirements (or will face career repercussions if they do prioritize childcare). In contrast, she expected it might be easier if one’s hours were more flexible, making it possible to demonstrate commitment and involvement in both roles. She also mentioned proximity to children’s school and activities as an important factor, as having to commute to drop of children makes it more difficult. Though she indicated that having money for high quality childcare might help, she also recognized that childcare is not always high quality and can result in feelings of guilt. As we mentioned in class, she also noted changes in living arrangements and children’s lives that may make this yet more difficult. She said, “raising a child takes a village, and villages were easier to come by. People worked on the farm next to their grandparents, and kids had fewer activities.”
